Monster
by CrazyOtaku13
Summary: Loki wants Natasha to create a child with him to see what kind of monster they can create. The longer version of a previous story 'The Product of Our Flawed Designs.' Some slights hints at Clintasha, mostly Blackfrost. Rape.
1. He's a monster in my bed

**A/N: So, yeah, this is gonna be an extended version of my oneshot 'The Product of Our Flawed Designs.' This is an odd story that leaves me questioning my motives .**

Footsteps. Although barely audible, Natasha could easily distinguish the sound, even while asleep. Slowly, she sat up in bed. Her eyes met with a familiar shade of green orbs in the darkness.

"Did you miss me, Ms. Romanoff?" Loki slyly asked from the open doorway. He approached her bed, palms extended to greet her.

Natasha shot him a cold glare from where she sat poised. He appeared to be unarmed, but he was magic- she had to be extra careful. "Thor said you were locked up back home. How did you get out?" she asked in a composed manner. The Black Widow didn't show fear.

Loki chuckled darkly. "They underestimate my magic!" He casually loomed towards the woman's body.

Natasha grabbed her gun from beneath her pillow and fired a shot at his heart.

The bullet disappeared upon impact with his chest. Loki merely chuckled in amusement at her attack. "You cannot hurt me with your useless toy," he reminded her. He threw his chest plate aside. As he pulled open his shirt, he revealed to her his pale, unscathed chest.

"That doesn't mean I can't try." Natasha refused to show him any sign of the panic she on the felt inside. "There has to be _some _way to kill you," she added under her breath.

"You think yourself arrogant?" Loki sneered. He roughly grabbed Natasha's chin, forcing their eyes to meet. For a moment, Loki swore he could see a flicker of worry in her emerald eyes. "Oh, don't worry, I _like _that!" he added darkly.

"Why are you here?" she snapped.

"I have a negotiation to make with you."

"What of?" she demanded, her glare hardening.

He replied with a devious smirk across his lips.

She raised a brow. "Don't tell me you're still upset that I tricked you. It's not good to hold grudges," she informed him.

He licked his lips as his hand fell to her neck. "You're quite hard to forget," he admitted. "You've left me wanting more… _Natasha._" The sound of her name upon his lips sent a chill down her spine. "I find it **very**infuriating to be burdened with thoughts of you in my dreams," he explained. "It would seem that you've had somewhat of an impact on me… Tell me," Loki whispered into Natasha's ear. "What do you think of us having a child together?" Slender fingers traced against her flat stomach. "Surely, it will be born a monster," he wickedly added. Grabbing her wrists over her head, he pinned her down on the bed. "What good could come of a child with parents as sinful as ourselves?"

Before she could fight back, he had somehow rendered her body frozen. "Bastard!" she growled.

Softly, he chuckled to himself. "It seems my web has caught a spider."

"I'll kill you!" she spat.

He clicked his tongue and leaned in closer to her. His breath was cold against her flushed cheek. "Your words fail to hurt me." His wicked grin widened. "Tell me again the number of innocent lives you've taken, tell me every lie you've spoken… Together, we could create something unforgivable." His cold lips suddenly pressed against hers in a kiss.

Natasha fought back by biting his lower lip. Hard. She wasn't going to go easy on him. Even Loki had to have some kind of a weakness.

He immediately pulled away from her, blood smeared across his lip. The traces of playfulness on his face had been replaced with rage. "Bitch!" he hissed, smacking her across the cheek.

Whatever Loki was, he was far from a gentleman. Natasha dug her nails into her balled up fists. She had dealt with scum like him **plenty **of times.

The bite mark on his lower lip quickly faded. "You'll pay," he warned her with a low growl. He released his grasp from her wrists and straddled her hips.

Natasha tried to move her arms, but failed. Her limbs were still frozen in place- Loki's magic, no doubt. She glared up at the god of Mischief.

Loki's smirk widened. "You're mine, now." He moved away from her and sat down on the bed's edge, watching her carefully. "I'll have you **begging**for me!" he threatened. "Then I promise to make you with child… Before that, let's have a bit of fun."

Natasha's body began to move on its own and she grew frantic. She got out of bed and stood before Loki. She seemed to have control over her mind, so this definitely wasn't the Tesseract's work. This was all Loki…

"Now _kneel_," he ordered.

The red-head had no choice but to obey. She dropped down to her knees before Loki's now naked body. Her eyes rested on his stiff cock. "I don't think our ideas of 'fun' are the same…"

Loki grabbed a fistful of her fiery hair and brought her face inches away from his erect member. "Bite, and I promise you that Agent Barton won't live to see the morning," he viciously whispered. "**That**is no lie," he added before he forced her lips to his erection. "Don't be a fool and underestimate what I can do!"

Natasha shuddered at the mentioning of Clint being brought into this. He was good, that she had to admit. Loki knew exactly how to get to her. Still, she couldn't let her emotions get in the way. She turned her head to the side in defiance.

"So it's true what they say of the Black Widow," Loki began, forcing her to glare up at him. "She lacks a heart." He conjured up a mirror in his hand that showed Clint, fast asleep in bed. What Clint didn't know was that a Loki duplicate was hovering over his sleeping form with a spear inches from his throat.

Natasha wasn't going to take any chances in displeasing Loki now that Clint's life was at stake. Her mouth opened and she took him in. She was doing this for her partner and no one else.

"It really is love, isn't it" the god mused. The feel of her hot mouth around his cock made him gasp. He compelled her head to go even lower. A groan passed his lips from the overwhelming sense of pleasure.

Natasha gagged as his dick hit the back of her throat. Still, he continued to force her head to bob. A muffled sound escaped her throat. She was going to puke-she could feel it.

"What was that?" Loki asked her, raising his brow. His cock dove deeper down her throat, bringing more choking sounds from Natasha. He loosened his hold over her in hopes of stopping the gagging. "You're doing just fine," he whispered. Natasha continued to suck against her will. Loki moaned as he felt himself reaching his climax.

Hoping to finish him off quickly, Natasha allowed for her mouth to take him in deeper and faster, despite the need to gag. She wanted Loki to bring an end to his twisted game.

"Now swallow," he growled as he came into her mouth.

Natasha felt her stomach churn as his salty cum spilled into her mouth and down her throat. With no other option, she swallowed, only to choke on the excessive amount of liquid.

Loki released his hold over her. He took pleasure in seeing her fall to her hands and knees.

She coughed up a mouthful of cum onto the floor. Thankfully, it was just that and not the bile she felt working its way up her throat.

"Very good," he commented.

Natasha wiped away his cum from her lips. "Bastard," she managed.

Loki's grin widened. He grabbed her and threw her back against the bed. Violently, he began to pull down her black shorts and panties.

"Get off!" Natasha angrily snapped. Her arms were frozen, as were her legs which were spread once Loki snatched her panties away.

"We're just getting started," he threateningly informed her. "I'll make sure you _enjoy _this. What better way to start our family?"

"Fuck!" she growled. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Do you not want a child, Natasha? Think of all that you can teach it-how to lie, how to **kill!** It will grow to be just like its mother!"

His words hurt like a knife. Natasha wouldn't wish the hellish training she endured as a child on anyone-except for Loki, who clearly deserved it. "I can't have kids. Might wanna find someone else for this round."

"Don't doubt me, Natasha," he sneered.

Her back arched in response as he slipped two of his slender fingers inside of her.

"Are you taking pleasure in this?" he cruelly murmured.

"N-No," she stammered. Her body was betraying her in the most unforgivable way. She found herself bucking against his fingers, which were like ice inside of her hot center.

His fingers slide in and out of her with ease. "How wet you are, Natasha," he crooned.

His cool breath against her neck sent shivers down her spine. She bit down on her lip in an effort to stifle a grunt. The scent of his strong cologne mixed with blood burned her nostrils as he leaned into her even further.

"Just admit that you find this _delightful_!" he said in amusement. Loki knew that he was only moments from breaking her. His thumb began to trace circles against her clit.

Natasha dug her nails into his back as a moan escaped her throat. "S-stop!" she gasped.

"Stop what?" he asked, feigning the fool. "This?" His thumb rubbed against her clit faster.

"Oh, god!" she whimpered as she threw her head back. Natasha was no match for his delicate touch against her sensitive flesh.

His devious grin widened as he took in the look of ecstasy on her face. "Now say my name," he purred against her fiery hair.

Natasha wasn't going to give in to his twisted demands. He had her body. That alone should have been enough. She wasn't willing to degrade herself even further.

Loki grabbed her by the neck. "Say it!" he ordered.

Her emerald eyes burned with hatred. "Not for you, you sick fuck!"

"Filthy bitch!" he spat. "I'll make you _beg _for me like the pathetic little harlot you are!" His fingers slid out of her, wet and sticky with her fluids.

Finally able to move, Natasha kneed him in the gut.

"You dare try to fight me?" he snarled. His fingers wrapped around her neck and he bashed her head against the headboard.

Before she could recover, he shoved his erect cock inside of her. She screamed from the pain. Loki refused to be gentle with her. With every deep thrust, she would cry out in discomfort, making his smirk even wider. "Stop!" she hoarsely begged. Natasha felt as though he was going to tear her apart from the inside.

"Not until you speak to me properly!" he hissed, thrusting even deeper and harder.

A grunt of pain escaped her throat. Tensing up was only making the pain worse. She tried to relax her body, but failed.

"I am a **god!** You shall speak to me in a manner I deserve!" he barked.

Tears fell from the corners of Natasha's eyes. "P-please!" There was no pleasure in his actions, only pain.

"Apologise, you insolent quim!" Loki felt himself reaching his climax and pumped into her at a faster pace.

"I-…" Natasha was willing to sacrifice her pride for him. "I-I'm sorry!" she cried out. Never before had she felt so humiliated. "L-Loki!" All she wanted was to be rid of him. Hopefully, forever.

The god chuckled with a sense of satisfaction as he gazed upon the lowly woman. He had broken her and that pleased him. "Don't think of this as our last meeting," he warned her. After several more deep thrusts, he spilled his seed inside of her. "I do hope it is a son," he murmured into her ear. Loki then pulled out of her, his cock wet with cum mixed with blood. Without even snapping his fingers, he was dressed in his Asgardian attire. "Thank you for your cooperation," he mocked before turning on his heel and leaving her. "_Do Svidaniya, _my Natalia."

Natasha lay sprawled across the bed, her naked body shaking uncontrollably. Once he was gone, she forced herself to her feet. With knees begging to give in, she made her way into the bathroom. She collapsed before the toilet, where she began to retch. After giving in to Loki's demand, she felt humiliated. She told him what he wanted to hear- she encouraged the man! Slowly rising to her feet, she felt discomfort as his cum mixed with her blood trickled down her inner thighs. She took a scalding hot shower, grateful for the heat that felt completely opposite to Loki's skin. Even after having cleaned up, she still couldn't shake the panic in her chest. There was only one thing that could make her feel better now. She changed into a pair of sweat pants and a cami before leaving her apartment. Natasha took the elevator all the way up to the top floor of the Avengers tower. Right now, she needed to see Clint Barton.


	2. Living in the garden of evil

**A/N: Thanks a bunch to those who have faved/follow/reviewed/ are reading!**

**"In the land of gods and monsters, I was an angel. Living in the garden of evil…"**

**In the Land of Gods and Monsters ~Lana Del Rey**

"Nat? What happened?" Clint asked, rubbing his tired eyes.

She wordlessly allowed herself inside and crawled into his bed.

He followed her to his bedroom. "Nat? It's four AM-what's-…?"

"Hold me," she said in a soft whisper.

Clint wasn't sure what had happened, but he agreed. He cuddled up beside her in the bed and draped an arm over her. "Nat, you're shaking," he noticed.

"My room is cold," she lied. Natasha felt an instant comfort as she nuzzled against Clint's warmth. She buried her face into his pillow, grateful for the scent of his soap and aftershave. Within minutes, she could hear Clint's steady breathing and feel the gentle rise and fall of his chest. As hard as she tried, Natasha couldn't sleep. There was a soreness spreading from her crotch to middle. That, and all she could think about was Loki- his cruel smirk, the hatred in his eyes… Then there was his talk of a _child._ He seemed as though he had been driven to madness. Natasha knew she had to put it behind her. She couldn't move on if fear kept holding her back-she wasn't going to let someone like Loki leave her broken. Eventually, Natasha fell asleep in a dreamless slumber. This was all going to be just a bad dream that she would force herself to forget…

…

"France today. Sounds fancy, huh?" Clint asked once his partner emerged from the bathroom.

"Yeah," Natasha absently replied as she buttoned her blouse.

"You okay?" he asked. "You seem off this morning."

"You've been saying that to me for weeks," she dryly reminded him. Over a month had passed since the Loki incident. Despite Clint's concern, Natasha had refused to say a word as to why she was 'off' on that particular night. She vowed to move on, which was exactly what she was doing. Today in particular, though, she wasn't herself. She had awoken early to a feeling of nausea. A good portion of her morning was spent throwing up, until Clint arrived, wondering if she was ready. Still feeling sick, she allowed him in and took a quick shower.

"I'm worried about you," he stated, grabbing her by the arm.

"We're going to be late," she reminded him. "You want to get croissants, don't you?" she asked with a forced smile.

"Yeah." He returned the grin.

"Then let's get going." At least he couldn't tell her happiness was all a façade…

…

"You sure you're not hungry?" Clint asked as he munched on a pastry.

"I'll pass." Natasha held her hand up to decline the offer.

Clint wiped his hands on his dress pants. "If you're still feeling sick, then go back to the hotel," he suggested.

"I told you I'm fine," she angrily replied.

"You spent half an hour on the plane's bathroom," he reminded her.

She shrugged. "I ate something bad. I'm okay, Barton. Trust me."

"Whatever you say." He knew there was no point in arguing with her.

Natasha checked her phone as a message from Fury arrived. "We better suit up. We've got a direct pinpoint on our target's location."

….

"Target locked. I've got him," Hawkeye announced into Natasha's earpiece. There was no response as Hawkeye took the enemy down. "He's down. You copy, Widow?" Silence. "Nat?" he asked with concern in his voice.

Natasha was currently away from her station. Instead of being where she should've been, she found herself retching in the back of an alleyway. She knew Clint could handle their target-he could take on anyone. Right now, instead of being with her partner, Natasha's upset stomach took priority. "Fuck," she hissed. Her heightened immune system had never made her sick. And of all times to fall ill, it had to be right during a mission, of all places! Natasha hated herself for being useless to the mission. She turned on her earpiece so her partner could hear her. "On my way, Barton," she said quickly. She turned on her heel, only to be stopped by an all too familiar voice behind her.

"Is this what they call 'morning sickness'? A tad unfitting, seeing that it is night time."

Natasha froze in place and turned the earpiece off. She begged her legs to move, but they wouldn't. The sound of his voice brought back the feeling of sheer terror. She could already remember the feel of pain in between her legs and the shame of exposing herself to her enemy.

Loki casually sauntered up to her from behind. "I vowed to make you with child, did I not?"

"What?" she squeaked.

Loki suddenly grabbed her shoulders from behind. He leaned into the crook of her neck, taking notice of her wide eyes. "Did you not know that you are with child?"

Natasha tried to compose herself as best as she could. "I'm not."

"Oh, but you are," he assured her with a smile. "Do you doubt what my magic can give?" His icy palms rested against her lower abdomen. "This is where our creation grows, Natasha," he hauntingly whispered into her ear, his breath like winter air.

Natasha's mouth fell open in shock. Her throat felt as though it was being squeezed shut. She opened her mouth to scream, but the only sound to escape was a broken gasp. Suddenly, she couldn't breathe. Her knees grew weak and she collapsed to the ground as everything went black.

"Nat? Nat!" Somewhere in the distance, Clint Barton was desperately searching for her.


	3. The monsters are buried down deep inside

**"The monsters are burried down deep inside**  
**You never know when they're satisfied Buried down deep where the sun don't shine**  
**The monsters are buried down deep inside"**

**Monsters ~Hurricane Bells**

Natasha swore she could hear Clint's voice. Slowly, her eyes began to open. The first thing she saw was Clint's face looking down at her.

"Thank God!" Clint breathed a sigh of relief. "She's awake, Coulson!"

She lifted her head from her partner's lap. Looking around at her surroundings, she could recognise that she was in a S.H.I.E.L.D. jet.

"What the hell happened back there, Nat?" Clint asked, his brows knitted together in worry.

Her body instantly tensed up in her seat. All she could remember was Loki. He returned…for her?

'_Did you not know that you are with child?'_

Her hand fell against her stomach.

_'This is where our creation grows, Natasha.'_

It was impossible. There was no way... Was there really a child inside of her? Fear spread throughout her body.

Clint noticed her face turn white. "You're not gonna be sick, are you?"

"We're almost home, Natasha," Phil Coulson announced from the passenger's seat.

Clint grabbed Natasha's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "You scared me back there," he whispered.

"What did Loki say to you?" she asked, looking him in the eyes.

"Loki?" He blinked.

Phil happened to glance around in curiosity.

"What did Loki **say **to you?" Her tone darkened.

The seriousness in her voice told Clint that this was no joke. "Did you hit your head or something?"

"Dammit, Clint!" she growled. "Stop messing around!" Did he know? Did Loki tell him that she was…pregnant?

"I don't know what's going on, Nat," he began, "but Loki's on Asgard, alright?"

There was honesty in his voice and there were no signs of lying to her in his eyes. He was telling her the truth… So what then? Did she imagine it? No. She swore she could hear his voice, feel his touch…

"I'll notify Dr. Banner to check for a concussion," Phil said to Clint.

"I'm fine!" Natasha huffed.

Now it was Clint's turn to be angry. "No. You're not."

"I know how I feel, and I feel fine!" She found herself raising her voice louder than intended.

"Then why did I find you passed out in the street?!" Clint yelled back.

"Come on, you two," Phil said uneasily. He couldn't recall the two assassins ever fighting _against_ each other before.

"No- she's sick!" Clint warned his superior. "C'mon, Nat, you've been throwing up all day!"

That was enough to shut Natasha's mouth. Was it really the morning sickness Loki had referred to? How would _he_ even know? Was his magic really that powerful? Did it really mean she could have a baby? What if Bruce found out upon examining her? If her teammates found out… "I- I didn't eat today," she admitted. She had to lie to get away from Bruce. The not eating part was true, though. "I must've eaten something bad yesterday," she continued. "I fainted because I was hungry."

"Don't worry me like that," Clint warned her with a small smile. "Once we get back, I'll take you anywhere you want," he promised.


	4. You always want what you're running from

"**Your arms around me come undone**  
**Makes my heart beat like a drum**  
**See the panic in my eyes**  
**Kiss me hold me when I cry**  
**Cause you always want what you're running from**  
**And you know this is more than you can take"**

**Bittersweet ~Ellie Goulding**

That night, Natasha laid in bed feeling sick from eating too much. She stared up at the plain white ceiling, lost in thought. Right now, she needed answers, but she didn't know where to go. She could always don a disguise and see a doctor. If worse came to worse, she could always have Loki's spawn killed. The thought of Loki returning with a vengeance left her intimidated. Maybe she could hide behind Clint for the rest of her life. Just like a coward. The idea of living in fear of Loki made her hate herself. She didn't want someone like _him_ make her feel weak. Where was he? He needed her, didn't he? The thing inside her, at least… What did he even _mean_ in wanting to make a monster-child with her? What was he scheming? Her hand absently brushed against her stomach. If Loki's child really was inside of her, then she didn't want it. She wanted it dead-more than anything else.

"Hello, Natasha." Loki appeared at the end of her bed, dressed to the nines in a designer suit.

Speak of the devil, and he shall return. Natasha bolted upright in her bed. "Go. Away." She struggled to keep herself composed.

"Say farewell to Midgard," Loki warned her. "From now on, it's just you, me, and the sin we have created."

"W-what?" Her voice cracked. "No. Where are you taking me?" she demanded.

"Your beloved Agent Barton came running to your rescue earlier," he began to explain. "I left so you could spend one last time together. Treasure it, because it is the last you will see of him."

Natasha was now speechless.

"You're coming with me." He approached her and a hand reached out to touch her face.

"Like hell I'm going anywhere with _you!_" she spat, jerking her head away.

"The child is mine, Natasha. Whatever will you do without me?" His voice was sickeningly sweet.

"You think I want the damn thing?!" How could he be so cocky? "There's an easy way to get rid of problems like this," she cruelly informed him. "Fuck!" she hissed, making Loki eye her curiously. "I'm not pregnant!" she yelled at him. "This is you messing with me-you're good at that…"

"Now why would I lie about something like this?" he wondered. "Perhaps if we wait long enough, we'll notice the growth. Will that convince you?"

"I'll still kill the thing!" she threatened. "I'll kill myself if I have to," she added in defiance.

His gaze hardened. "Which is why you are to come with me. I will be the one to watch over you."

"I'm not going _anywhere_ with you!" she spat.

"Shall I use force, then?" He grabbed her by the arm. "You certainly seemed to enjoy our previous encounter." A smirk played upon his handsome face. Despite his charm, he was a monster in disguise.

"Let go of me!" she shouted, jerking her arm away.

His hand moved up to her neck. "Try as you may, but the child will live!" he snarled. "Your hatred towards our child will fill him with even more hatred!"

"Why are you doing this?!" she yelled. "W-What's the point in a baby if you just want to torture it?!"

"He will be just as flawed as you and I," he responded in a monotone. "A child born out of pure hatred…"

How messed up did someone have to be to resort to this? Thor told Natasha that Loki was adopted. Even if this was Loki acting out against his parentage, this was going too far.

The doorbell to her apartment rang. "You feeling better, Nat?" Clint's muffled voice called out.

"Would you rather all your friends knew?" he slyly asked. "What would Clint Barton say if he knew the truth?" Natasha refused to look him in the eyes, making Loki even more interested. "You said yourself that you made a bit of a bad impression on your current employers. What would they think of their most prized assassin turning against them?" He was under her skin and enjoying every second of it. "Would they trust you? Or consider you a traitor? Imagine how Agent Barton will feel is he knew whose child rests within you."

"I'll go," she agreed. Her voice was barely a whisper.

"What was that?"

"I said I'll go," she growled, staring up at him from beneath her long lashes. Loki was right. If she really was pregnant, she didn't want to face the shame of seeing her friends in such a state. Especially not Clint. If he knew it was Loki's, he would be crushed. "Just let me say goodbye," she distantly added.

"Make it quick." Loki vanished into thin air.

Natasha hurried to the door and opened it. The smile on Clint's face was going to make things even more painful.

"Feeling better?" he wondered. "I know it's getting late, but…"

She clenched her fist. He wasn't going to make this easy… "I have a mission," she told him curtly. "It's urgent."

"Alone?" It was rare for them to go on missions alone. "Where to?"

"Moscow." It was the first place to pop into her head.

"How long?"

"I don't know…" Eight months, give or take? What then? What was to become of her after Loki's spawn was born? More questions…

"Should you really be going alone?" he prodded.

"Clint, I'm fine. I'll call you, okay?" she promised. How long could she keep it up, though?

"Nat?" His blue green eyes stared pleadingly into hers.

She folded her arms across her chest and pursed her lips.

"When I found you unconscious, you said his name…" he quietly began.

Natasha found herself drawing her arms closer to her chest.

"Loki's," he breathed. There was an uncomfortable silence. "Is there something you want to tell me, Nat?"

The very mention of Loki was enough to make her sick, and that wasn't just the nausea she felt from his child inside her. "I have a mission," she curtly reminded Clint.

He carefully approached her and outstretched his arms. "Be careful, alright?" He tightly hugged her against him.

Clint _really _wasn't making things easy for her. Natasha's vision clouded with tears. _No,_ she told herself. She wasn't going to cry. Clint was sure to become even more suspicious of her.

"Call me, or you'll owe me big time, Romanoff!" he playfully remarked.

"Yeah," she managed to choke out. _Fuck! _Why was she getting so teary eyed over this?!

Clint placed a gentle kiss upon her forehead. "Good luck, Nat."

She bit down on her lower lip. This could be the last time she would ever see her partner. She had no clue as to what Loki had planned for her.

"Aw, come on!" he chuckled as he pulled away. "Are you really crying?"

She felt a tear roll down her cheek, soon followed by many others. "I really have to go." She lowered her head.

"Nat? Hey, what's wrong?" he wondered. "It was just a good luck kiss…"

Natasha couldn't do this. There was only one way she could say goodbye with no regrets. She had to make Clint hate her-he was going to have to forget about her.

"I don't want any of it." Deep down, she truly loved him. So much, that she had to let him go. "You know that anything between us will be messy."

"I know," he admitted. "But we can always try, right?"

"I don't **want **that!" she snapped, glaring up at him.

"But, Nat-?" His smile fell.

"Shut up!" she warned him. He was hurting badly. Exactly the way she wanted it. "Just leave. I have to go…"

Clint began to slowly back away. "Sorry," he mumbled before he finally walked away for good.

Natasha slammed the door shut behind him. Her back pressed against the door and she sank to the floor, sobbing. As hard as she tried, she couldn't stop her tears from falling.

"That must have been rather painful," said Loki, hovering over her.

Natasha's sadness quickly turned into hatred. "This is all **your** fault, you bastard!"

He knelt down to be at level with her. "Shall we?" he asked, holding out his hand.

"I need to pack."

"I will buy you anything you acquire," he promised.

"Clint thinks I'm leaving. I need some of my things in case he's suspicious. And I have questions…"

"Ask away."

Natasha rose to her feet and led Loki towards her bedroom. She grabbed a duffel bag and began shoving the necessities, along with some clothes and her weapons inside. "They're going to realize that I'm gone. What then?"

"It's not as though they're going to find you," he informed her as he paced about the room.

She was hesitant about the answer to her next question. "What happens to me after it's born?" The silence began to make her uneasy.

"You do as you wish," he finally answered.

"So you just let me go? After being your prisoner?"

"Well, you don't seem keen on having your friends see you whilst carrying my child." In the end, Loki had a strong feeling she was going to stay. No matter how much she said she hated the child, what mother could resist her own baby?

There was hope that she could see Clint again, after all. She zipped up her bag. For now, this was it. "You know, I should see a doctor. You want it healthy, don't you?"

"I am a god and you're quite the feisty one," he said as he grabbed the bag from her. "He will be strong."

His confidence was getting on her nerves. Natasha took his hand and they vanished into thin air.


	5. I knew you were trouble

**"Once upon a time a few mistakes ago**  
**I was in your sights, you got me alone**  
**You found me, you found me, you found me"**

**I Knew You Were Trouble ~Taylor Swift**

Seconds after leaving her bedroom, the scenery had changed completely. They were in a fancy hotel suite that looked quite familiar to her. She made her way to the window to gaze upon the Russian architecture. Although they were in a hotel room, Natasha couldn't help but feel that she stayed in this exact room, looking out at that exact landscape. She was here before. In exactly the same room. "What is this?" she asked, turning to glare at the Trickster god. "More magic?"

"I believe you mentioned 'Moscow' earlier. I can take you anywhere you please, so long as you keep it in mind," he explained.

"How about leaving me here until this thing comes out?" she suggested. In the back of her mind, she was working out an escape plan. If Loki was foolish enough to take her where she pleased…

"I'm afraid I can't."

Natasha's eyes narrowed. He saw right through her plan. Then again, Loki was far from a fool.

"You will gladly welcome death. I won't risk losing you."

She blankly stared at him. His answer came as a surprise to her. She wasn't expecting him to value her life…even though it was the child that he really cared about. She figured he already knew that Barton would eventually come-she even toldClint where she was going. Surely, Clint was going to come looking for her here.

"You seem surprised," he noticed.

"Tired," she informed him. One day-that was all it would take, she assured herself. Fury would be first to notice her absence. Clint would tell him that she went on a mission. Knowing where she was, Clint would be sent off looking for her. He'd find her, and then send for the others and they would put Loki where he belonged-locked up in a cell. Finding her would be the easiest task of all. Years back, due to her untrusting nature, she had a tracking device implanted in her arm. Natasha had Loki beaten in their unspoken game of wits. All she had to do was keep herself in the same location for at least a day. She went over to the King-sized bed and crawled under the covers. After her long day, she was exhausted. Loki followed suit and joined her on the bed. "This isn't going to work out," she informed him with narrowed eyes.

"You have no choice in the matter." He loomed over her and grabbed hold of her wrists. The look in his eyes was that same lustful stare that Natasha had seen before.

She gave him a swift knee to the gut. Loki grunted as his body fell, hovering inches over hers. With her arms pinned down, Natasha proceeded to headbutt him, but he quickly jerked his head to the side.

"Shall I use force again?" he casually suggested.

"Fuck you!" she snarled through bared teeth.

"Is that a _suggestion_, Natasha?" His smirk widened. "I gladly accept your offer."

His icy grip tightened and Natasha could barely move. "Better be careful you don't hurt the baby," she remarked with a smirk. Despite the fear she felt on the inside, she had to prove to Loki that she wasn't afraid of him.

"You think you're such a clever one, don't you?" The tip of Loki's nose brushed against Natasha's as he leaned towards her. His fingers traced along the bare skin of her right arm and stopped right at the crook of her elbow. "Back when Agent Barton was mine to control, he told me _everything _about you!" His left hand summoned a blade.

Natasha took notice of the blade that lingered dangerously close to the crook of her right elbow.

"Let's see if I can find this 'tracker' he mentioned!" He noticed her eyes grow wide and he began to cackle.

Natasha opened her mouth to scream- someone at the hotel would notice her cries of pain- but Loki's hand clamped over her lips.

"You look even lovelier with terror in your eyes," he commented before sliding the blade over her skin.

Natasha tightly shut her eyes and managed to bite down on the skin of Loki's palm. She had endured pain much worse than this. What hurt her most was the fact that her plan was falling apart.

"Here we are." Loki's thumb and index finger dig into her arm and pulled out a tiny black microchip. He easily crushed the device between his blood-covered fingertips. "That wasn't hard, now was it?"

Natasha's face went white. She was losing blood fast and having his fingers reach into her flesh wasn't soothing. Loki's hand traced against her wound and suddenly, she was healed. The pain had ceased and aside from the excess blood, the pain was gone. Loki's hand pulled away and Natasha stared at her arm in a curious amazement.

"I wish luck to your friends in finding you now," he smirked. He leaned in and licked the remaining blood from her arm.

The cool flick of his tongue gave her goosebumps. "You're sick!" she spat. He brought his lips to hers, smearing her own blood across her lips. Natasha bit his lip to get him away. "You're not allowed to touch me!" Finally able to move, she pushed Loki aside and ran to the bathroom.

"You can't simply order me around," he reminded her.

Natasha ignored him as she splashed warm water over her face to wipe away the blood. While alone, she took a moment to examine her arm. She couldn't even find a trace of a cut. Without the tracker, her plan was officially ruined. How was Clint going to find her in such a big city without an exact pinpoint? She was trapped… Thinking of Clint only reminded her of the helpless look on his face when she told him to leave. She really hurt him.

"Natasha?" Loki knocked on the door. "Come out now," he beckoned.

She refused to answer him.

"Natasha!" Loki's tone was becoming angrier.

Her plan was perfect. Have Clint save her, kill Loki, kill his spawn, then live peacefully. Leave it to Loki to ruin it. Without someone to save her, Natasha was going to have to do it herself.

"Natasha, I'll break the lock!" Loki threatened.

She had to act quickly. Natasha opened the door, slightly hunched over with a hand over her middle.

Loki's eyes grew wide with concern. "What happened?"

"It really hurts." She bit down on her lip. For added effect, she grabbed onto the front of Loki's shirt as false jolt of pain overcame her. "Shit!" she hissed.

"Show me where it hurts," he calmly stated.

Loki's left arm reached out to take her right hand. Natasha's left arm threw a punch into the crook of Loki's left his elbow. He released her and before his right hand could grab her, Natasha spun around and slapped it away. She ducked under him and sprinted towards the door. The next thing she knew, Loki was there, standing guard.

"That's twice you've fooled me," said his voice from behind her. The Loki standing before Natasha wasn't the one speaking.

Whipping her head around, Natasha realized that there were two Lokis.

"It would seem you're outnumbered."

The Loki duplicate grabbed Natasha from behind.

"Let's see if you're willing to jest with me after tonight!" He pulled down her sweatpants and underwear with a cruel smile across his lips.

Natasha put up a struggle. Loki's clone refused to budge no matter how much she kicked. The real Loki was now naked and pressing his hips against hers. She could feel his hard cock rubbing against her core. "Get away from me!"

"You tried to escape me, Natasha," he told her with mock sadness.

"Only because there's something wrong with you!" she bit back.

He clicked his tongue. "You best apologize, Natasha." His hand reached up to squeeze her breast.

"Like hell!" she scoffed.

"Pride is your downfall, Natasha," he said as he pinched her nipple. She bit down on her lip and he chuckled. "Will you ever learn?" he asked her in annoyance. His free hand readied his cock at her entrance. Before she could reply, he forced his cock inside of her.

Natasha bit down on his shoulder to stifle her screams. That and she wanted to rip Loki apart. The lack of any lubrication made it unbearable for Natasha as his member rubbed against her inner walls.

A moan escaped Loki's throat. The pain thrilled him and made him want her all the more. He pumped into her so hard that his duplicate began to budge.

Natasha found herself in tears from the pain. She was gasping for air between her sobs. Her nails dug into Loki's back as though she was clinging to him for dear life. "P-please!" She bit down on her lips until she could taste blood.

Loki came, chuckling all the while. He pulled out of her, still grabbing onto her hips. The duplicate vanished and Loki carried Natasha to the bed. He delicately laid her down and stepped back to admire the fear-stricken woman.

The red-head lay sprawled across the bed, trembling in fear. Natasha could feel Loki's gaze upon her. She slowly crawled under the covers, the only place she could feel warm and unexposed.

"Try and run away again," he cruelly warned her. "I'll find you and teach you what it means to behave."

Natasha fought back a choked sob as he laid down on the comforter beside her. She pulled the thick blanket close to her shaking body. With Loki so close, she felt constantly on edge. Natasha felt like a child that night as she drew her knees to her chest and cried herself to sleep.


	6. Walk on water or drown

**"Well, this hurts me more than I can stand to say**  
**In just one sitting, you left the room so I could pray**  
**So I'll pace the halls to see**  
**If I could find a hole in something**  
**Or maybe places to escape"**

**Walk on Water or Drown ~Mayday Parade**

Natasha awoke early the next morning to horrible nausea. Ignoring the soreness in her crotch, she bolted out of bed and barely made it to the toilet. She retched until the nausea passed and her sides ached. A cold hand touched the back of her neck. Despite the relief Natasha felt from it, she didn't want _him _anywhere near her. "G-get out!" Her throat burned from the bile.

"Once you're… _finished_, we'll leave," Loki commented, pulling his hand away.

"I'll be a while," she remarked. "I need a shower."

"I'll be waiting."

She flushed the toilet and splashed some cold water over her face. In the mirror, she could see Loki standing behind her, dressed in a casual black suit. "Do you mind?" she asked in a low growl. Loki stared at her reflection in the mirror, not taking the hint to leave. "Go away!" she snapped, turning around to shoot him a glare.

"No locking the door," he warned her as he walked away.

Natasha let out an audible groan before undressing and stepping into the shower.

…

"Where's Agent Barton? I need him over here!" Nick Fury barked.

"Looks like you're in trouble," Tony commented as he heard Fury's yell from around the corner.

"I sure hope not," Clint commented with a chuckle. "What do you need, Sir?" he asked as he approached the Director.

"Barton!" he exclaimed. "Where's Agent Romanoff? She's not answering my calls."

"That makes two of us," Clint muttered under his breath. "Maybe the reception's bad over there," he shrugged.

"Bad over _where?!_" he demanded.

"Moscow," Clint blankly replied.

"What the hell is she doing there? Barton, is this a joke?" he yelled.

Clint's brows furrowed in confusion. "You sent her there last night, Sir."

"I assigned her on a mission yesterday morning with you to France-where the hell are you getting 'Moscow' from?!"

"She told me she had a mission there…" Natasha promised to call him and she didn't. She had been acting suspicious-she had been for a while. Natasha wasn't herself last night and Clint was worried. "I'll find her, Sir," he promised. Clint should have known something was wrong last night. Natasha was good at hiding her secrets, though…

…..

Natasha stayed in the shower for at least twenty minutes before she finally decided to get out. She got dressed and brushed her teeth, then hair.

"Shall we go, then?" Loki asked once she emerged from the bathroom.

She didn't even bother to ask where. It didn't matter to her. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. She shuddered at the idea of another punishment.

Loki held her hand and took her out for breakfast. When the waiter asked for her order, Natasha didn't respond. It wasn't until Loki shot her a warning glare that she spoke up. There wasn't any way to defy him, lest she wanted him to fuck her into submission. "I'm not hungry," she stated when their food was before them.

"You have to eat."A devilish smile formed across his face. "For the sake of our child."

That was enough to make her stomach churn. Natasha had forgotten about that factor. If she really was pregnant, she certainly didn't feel like it. The frequent need to hurl was the only thing to convince herself otherwise. "How can I be sure this isn't you messing with me?" she asked, taking a bite of her breakfast. Natasha decided to stay on Loki's good side, for now. Good behavior was going to be Natasha's new strategy. She needed to establish trust with the god.

"I believe they sell tests. Would you care for one of those?" he wondered. "After our breakfast, we can find one," he suggested.

Natasha ate in silence and cleared her plate.

…

Natasha prayed that this was just Loki getting under her skin. Then again, if she wasn't pregnant, Loki seemed keen on trying until he succeeded. She decided to just stick to her 'good behavior' plan for the time being. Loki followed her down a local drug store's 'feminine products' aisle. Natasha grabbed four different pregnancy tests, just to be sure. She also wasn't sure how to properly use one.

"Is one not enough for you?" he wondered. "Or would you like four children?"

Natasha wanted to strangle him at the mentioning of multiple kids. "I've never had to do this!" she hissed. "Who knows-I could get mixed results."

"You should listen to me, Natasha," he informed her matter-of-factly. "The Vanir gods see a child in our future."

"And?" she prodded as she read the box labels. "You'll believe a fortune teller?"

"Gods," he corrected her. "They can see into the future, and you are to bear my child."

Natasha glanced up at him, intrigued. "What about it? Is it just like **you**?"

"They wouldn't say," Loki frowned.

"Well, there you go. Pay for these," she added as she dropped the packages into his hands.

"I believe they won't say for a reason," he whispered. "Our child could very well be a threat to the nine realms.

While Loki paid for the purchase, Natasha trailed behind him. Her hand subconsciously fell over her stomach. If there really was a baby in there, then that gave her more of a reason to kill it.

"Shall we go?" Loki asked, turning to face her.

Natasha's hand fell to her side and she snatched the brown paper bag from Loki. The two walked to their hotel in silence.

"I need to be alone," Natasha told Loki as she shut the bathroom door in his face.

"No locks," he warned her.

She groaned as she ripped open one of the boxes. There was no privacy at all with Loki. She skimmed over the instructions, which seemed simple enough.

"Natasha, are you finished?"

The paper crumbled in her hand. "No, Loki," she told him with a forced sweetness in her voice.

"You should just take my advice," he added from the other side of the door. "It would have been much faster.

"This takes time, okay?" she huffed. "Go watch TV or something," she suggested. Natasha was beginning to feel like Loki's mother. She heard him walk away from the door, leaving her to go to the bathroom in piece. Once each of the tests had a sample, she lined up the tests on the countertop and sank to the floor. Thus began the waiting game.

Loki's footsteps returned. "Natasha?"

"I'm waiting!" Natasha snapped back. She wondered if Loki realized what a pain he was being. After what felt like five minutes, she checked the tests. All four of them read positive. Her frustration towards Loki was replaced with shock. The indelible proof was right before her eyes.

The bathroom door opened and Loki allowed himself in. He wasn't sure what to make of the tests, but the shocked look on Natasha's face was enough for an answer. "Do you still take me for a liar, Natasha?" He took note of the slight green to her complexion.

Her mind began to move at a million miles an hour. There really was a demon-spawn inside of her… living, growing, and waiting to emerge into the world and grow up to be as twisted as its Father and as ruthless as its Mother. Natasha Romanoff was to be a mother to a monster. She felt like she was going to pass out. The dizziness quickly turned to nausea as her breakfast made its way back up her throat and onto Loki's shoes. For the record, she didn't mean to get sick right there in front of him. Under any other circumstance, she would've been embarrassed, but this was Loki. And he deserved it.


	7. Turning Tables

**"Under haunted skies I see you **  
**Where love is lost your ghost is found**  
**I braved a hundred storms to leave you**  
**As hard as you try, no, I will never be knocked down"**

**Turning Tables ~Adele**

Loki had used his magic to clean up the mess in a matter of seconds. "We're leaving," he tersely informed her. "Now."

"Sorry." Natasha could tell he was mad. The last thing she wanted was to upset him.

His eyes rested on her face and what appeared to be a genuine smile formed. "You look much better," he told her as he noticed the pink returning to her cheeks.

"I didn't mean that," she repeated. Natasha had to win his trust if she wanted to run away for good.

Loki shook his head. "Nevermind that. It's past us."

…

"Barton, I'm not getting a read on her tracker," Fury notified the archer.

What if she got rid of it? Clint knew that a little pain wouldn't get Natasha down. What was she hiding? "Maybe it's on purpose."

"What makes you say that?" the Director wondered, his eye focusing on Clint.

"Agent Romanoff hasn't been herself lately. She's seemed distant for a while now," he sadly added.

"I'm having the Avengers dispatched ASASP," Fury assured him, placing a hand on the man's shoulder. "We'll bring her back."

…

Loki grabbed Natasha's bag for her and held out his hand. It was time they moved on. Natasha took his hand without any hesitation. They were now in a hotel suite with scenery unfamiliar to Natasha. "Where are we?" she asked.

"Stuttgart," he replied.

"I'm sure people are going to _love _seeing your face again." Loki didn't exactly leave the best impression during his previous visit.

He chuckled at her comment. "Which is why we stay here. Just you and I."

If they were a real romantic couple, the notion would've been sweet. However, Loki and Natasha were _far_ from a loving couple. His suggestion left Natasha feeling creeped out, if anything. "You never did answer my question," she said abruptly. "Why are you doing this?" She turned to look him in the eyes. Was she ever going to know the truth?

He lowered his eyes as he sat down on the bed. "The child?"

"Yes." Natasha wondered if there was something meaningful behind his cruel actions.

"To create someone as vicious as ourselves." There was a flicker of insanity behind his green eyes.

"I don't think genetics work that way." She shrugged, "then again, I'm no expert…"

Loki glanced up at her. "Do you plan on nurturing him? Does the trained assassin want to give up her life of killing to love a child?"

Natasha hadn't thought about anything of the sort. Her mind had a set plan to nip it in the bud once she escaped Loki. However, if worse came to worse…"I planned on giving it to you." She folded her arms across her chest. "I want nothing to do with it, really," she admitted. "With the way you talk about raising it, I'm sure you'll win Father of the year," she snidely remarked.

"Then I strive to be worse than the All-Father!" he laughed.

Natasha raised a brow. "Odin?" Thor had mentioned him before. The look in Loki's eyes threatened her to stop. Natasha only grew more curious. "You don't seem too fond of him," she noticed.

"You are not to discuss him in my presence," he growled.

"Sorry I tried having a normal conversation with you." Natasha rolled her eyes and went to recline on the couch. She turned on the TV and decided to channel surf.

Loki intently watched her from the bed.

There was nothing on the television. Natasha didn't even _want _to watch anything. She was going stir crazy. It wasn't like her to simply laze around. She needed to be kept moving. The Black Widow wasn't meant to live a domestic life. She wasn't meant to be a mother, either… "You know, sitting around for eight straight months isn't exactly what I call exciting," she commented

Loki sauntered over to her and sat down on the couch's arm rest. "Perhaps we can travel somewhere farther away, somewhere only _I _can take you," he suggested.

The idea sounded intriguing enough, especially if that meant not running into any of the Avengers… Suddenly, Natasha was tempted to call Clint, but she told herself no. She couldn't-not until she got rid of Loki and the spawn. "Alright," she agreed. Come to think of it, she hadn't been able to check her phone at all… "Can we wait until tomorrow?" What would Loki think if he saw her with a phone? She needed him to leave her alone while she checked it. Maybe if she pretended to sleep, he would leave the room. "I just want to sleep now." She used the head rest as her pillow and shut her eyes. Loki began to tousle a lock of her hair while she was 'resting.' Natasha wasn't even going to complain. Oddly enough, the action was soothing, in a way. Before she knew it, Natasha had actually drifted off to sleep. She hadn't managed to get much sleep over the past few nights, anyways.


	8. I can show you pain

**"You bring the ropes and chains **  
**I'll bring the pills and games**  
**I can show you pain**  
**and make you say my name"**

**Bruises and Bitemarks ~Good With Grenandes**

When she awoke, Loki was lying on the bed, reading. Natasha quietly crept towards her suitcase and fished around for her phone.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked her, looking up from his book.

"Yeah…" Phone, phone-where was it? Digging further to the bottom, Natasha also realized that her gun, stingers, and utility belt were gone. "Loki?" she asked sweetly enough.

"Yes?" He set aside his book for her.

"Did you go through my bag?"

"I take it you've noticed." He pulled out her phone from his pocket. "It seems the Director and Agent Barton have been trying to contact you."

"How about you let me tell them I'm okay before they start looking for me?" she demanded.

He grinned. "Well, I doubt this device will work on any other worlds. What do you think?" he asked.

Natasha forgot about agreeing to go to somewhere only Loki knew. "So you want to lead them on?"

"They will simply assume you're dead," he mused.

A mental image of Clint mourning over her grave hurt her more than Loki's punishments. She already broke her partner's heart. He would be inconsolable if Natasha was presumed dead while she left him on bad terms. "Do you have my weapons, too?" she finally asked.

"I confiscated your gun. One shot and you can end it all, Ms. Romanoff. I wouldn't like that," he added with a twisted grin. "The belt seemed odd-I'm unsure of what tricks you carry in there. These, however…" He reached down to his side and held up one of her stinger bracelets. "_These _are intriguing. Lightning power? I've seen you bring your enemies down with these."

"High volts of electricity," she corrected. "Is there a chance I can taze _you _with a shock?" She raised a brow.

"Possibly," he pondered. "However, I'm more interested in another idea." He rolled up his shirt sleeve and slid the bracelet onto his thin wrist. "Come here, Natasha."

There was a bad feeling in her gut as she drew nearer towards the bed. Loki couldn't use her weapon, but she knew his intentions were bad.

"Show me how one works this." He motioned for her to sit beside him on the bed.

Natasha saw her phone lying atop the sheets. She was tempted to grab it, but that would've been unwise. "Who are you planning on killing with these?"

"'Kill' may be taking it a tad far…" His green eyes met with hers.

"What are you planning on doing with these, Loki?" he tone grew heavy.

"Show me how to activate it, Natasha," he replied with a flicker in his eyes.

"Who are you-"

"Show me!" he shouted at her before she could finish.

She pointed to the bullets on opposite sides of each other. She knew this was a bad idea… Maybe she could force an attack on Loki to experiment… It was a risk she was willing to take. The bands towards the top and bottom of the bullet bracelet glowed blue. "Just pushing against that one on the side gives a little shock-"

"How little?" he asked.

"Enough volts to knock someone out." She needed to get her hands on that weapon. "Here, let me-"

Loki pulled his arm away from her. Clenching his fist, he activated a spark of blue lightning towards the ceiling. He found the power he wielded to be similar to Thor's. Loki's gaze fixed upon Natasha's face. "Come closer, Natasha," he darkly beckoned. "There's something I'd like to try."

This was no time for Natasha's body to freeze up. _She _was going to be the victim. "The baby," she reminded him. At least the thing was useless for something.

"The child's life is protected by my magic," he informed her. "Nonetheless, I want our child to know what pain feels like before entering a world filled with it!"

"Y-you're crazy!" she shouted at him, her eyes wide. "You're fucking crazy!" Natasha made a run for the door, only to have Loki appear there-a clone, she guessed. From behind her, she could hear the faint hum of her stingers and picture that sly sneer on Loki's face. She quickly dodged to the side and made a run for the bathroom.

"Too slow, Natasha," she heard him whisper as his hand grabbed her neck.

Loki shoved Natasha up against a wall and activated a sting attack between her shoulder blades. She screamed as her body began to convulse. Loki's dark chuckle mixed with her cries before everything went black.

**A/N: Aerith Mon-Kishu has an amazing vid featuring this song, too **

** watch?v=HDZlL1BIs78**


	9. You make me feel sick, sick, sick

**"You made a mess of things**

**My what a mess you've made**

** I hate the way you make me feel. I hate the way you make me**

**And your world is cold outside**

**So button up and open wide**

** I hate the way you make me feel**

**Sick! Sick! Sick!"**

**Sick! Sick! Sick! ~Bayside**

When Natasha finally came to, she was in an unfamiliar setting. She opened her eyes and couldn't remember how she got there in the first place. As she tried to sit up in bed, her entire body felt sore. Her head fell back against the pillow. Moving hurt too much. It was then that she finally remembered. Loki. Speaking of him, where was he? Natasha didn't even know where _she_ was. The entire room was dark. The only light to enter was the moonlight that streamed in from the balcony. Her eyes adjusted to the dim lighting and from where she lay, she could tell that the room's fanciful décor was old-fashioned, aside from her bag that sat beside the mahogany doors. A large canopy bed, walls lined with leather-bound books, candles… The room reminded Natasha of Loki, in a way. Was this his room? She wondered to herself. Fighting past her sore muscles, she forced herself upright. The room was freezing, so she ended up wrapping the dark green comforter around her body. She padded over to the balcony to try to get a feel of where she was. The landscape was just as dark and dreary as the bedroom. Below the balcony were extensions of the castle that stretched down towards the snow-covered cobblestone streets. Past the streets were surrounding mountains. What lay beyond them would remain a mystery to her. Wherever Natasha was, it was all foreign to her.

One of the double doors opened and Loki stepped inside. "You've finally awakened."

Natasha pulled the blanket closer to her body. Loki was the last person she wanted to see, especially after he tazed her. "How long was I out for?" She refused to look at his face.

"Four days," he answered. "You should eat something."

"You nearly _killed _me!" she shouted, turning to glare at him. The nice act Natasha had planned was over with. "Don't act like you're innocent!"

"He needs to learn pain, Natasha."

'He.' Loki seemed awfully keen on a son. "Then stop causing _me _pain!" she snarled. "I'm the one in pain here!"

Loki's smile was sickeningly sweet. "Oh, but I _like _it." He began to approach her. "You're lovely, Natasha. Pain suits you well."

She inched back closer to the edge. "Don't come any closer," she warned him. The idea of jumping was tempting.

Loki stopped in his tracks. There was a calm expression on his face.

"Where are we?"

"Somewhere we can be alone." His smirk widened.

"I'm not playing games, Loki," she said in a low growl.

"It's just us," he continued.

"I am so fucking sick of you!" she yelled. Her voice echoed within the room. "I have had enough of you and enough of being your fucking toy!" Without realizing it, hot tears were rolling down her cheeks. "This-this isn't what I want." She had only spent three days with him- apparently, she was unconscious for four- and she couldn't stand him! Natasha missed Clint. She missed the other Avengers-even Tony, despite how he got on her nerves. "Just leave me alone!" she cried.

Loki watched her sink to the floor. She looked like a small child, helpless and lost. "Tell me what's worse," he began in a monotonous drawl, "me, or the Red Room."

Natasha stared up at him, her eyes wide with horror. How was she supposed to compare the two? The Red Room stole her childhood. They made her into what she was today. Then there was Loki who raped her, impregnated her, tazed her… Both were torture, but there was one defining difference between the two horrors. The Red Room replaced her memories. Loki didn't. He made her live with the pain she longed to forget. "You," she gasped. Loki was smiling from ear to ear at her response and Natasha was terrified.

"A wise choice," he assured her. "However Barton told me you fail to remember the tortures you endured as a child. How about I help you remember?"

"N-No." She pulled the dark green sheet closer to her body. The Red Room's tortures weren't something she could remember no matter how she tried, and that was the way it should be! Loki reached out to grab her by the shoulder. "NO!" she shrieked as they suddenly vanished.


	10. A welcome burden

**"Gather your pathetic masses and bring them to me**  
**To a world devoid of light**  
**To another time, to another place**  
**And let the broken ones taste my misery**  
**Rip away her disguise and you will realize that ya find**  
**The truth is sickening!**  
**We don't need to change it, really**  
**I kind of like it ugly!"**

**A Welcome Burden ~Disturbed**

Loki took Natasha to the very same place in which he was shown all the different tragic outcomes of his life. To Loki, this place was a living hell. He had seen visions that he believed to be the truth, such as Thor letting him fall to his death. It was in this place, void of space and time, that Loki had to suffer mental torture. Now, it was Natasha Romanoff's turn to suffer. "Look here, Natasha," he beckoned.

Before them was a ballet studio. An older man with spectacles wearing a white lab coat was busy watching over a young and frail looking red-headed girl. "Follow the music, Natalia!" he scolded her in Russian.

Natasha stared at the visions in front of her. She was a dancer as a child. That she knew for sure…

The man dressed in white set the needle back onto the record player. Tchaikovsky began to play on full blast. "From the top!" he called out.

A tall, muscular man stepped out behind the old man in white and approached young Natalia. He was at least two times the girl's size with biceps bigger than Natalia's head.

The young red-head threw kicks and punches at her opponent. Despite her size, she was quite skillful. Every move the child made was in time with the music.

Natasha found herself holding her breath as she watched her younger self in action. Being a spectator, it didn't look like fighting at all. The girl appeared to be simply dancing along with the string quartet.

The well-built man dodged a kick and young Natalia was thrown off key. He grabbed her by the ankle and raised her into the air. The fighter then threw Natalia into the floor like a rag doll.

The child let out a pained cry. Despite the pain, she began to lift herself up by her arms. Before Natalia could make it onto her feet, her opponent kicked her in the ribs. There was a cracking sound as she fell over and her body went limp.

Natasha shuddered at the sight. Before she could look away, the visions blurred and the scene changed.

Young Natalia was now lying atop a metal operating table. Around her was the same old man from the previous scene, accompanied by two other doctors. The man with glasses held a syringe with a blue liquid between his fingers.

Natasha let out an audible gasp as he stabbed it into Natalia's arm.

Natalia screamed as the three doctors injected several more syringes into the veins of her bony arms. The blue fluid felt like fire coursing through her bloodstream.

"M-make it stop!" Natasha cried out as her younger self began to convulse on the table. She had look away as her stomach churned.

Loki began to darkly chuckle. "Watch closely, Natasha." He jerked her head forward and forced her eyes to stay open with some magic.

Once again, the scenery changed, but the characters remained the same. Natalia appeared to be in her teens. Unlike before, she appeared to be much healthier. She was strapped down to a metal chair, completely relaxed. The older man was adjusting his glasses as he sat before her with a clipboard. "Name?" he asked her.

"Natalia Romanova."

"And what do you do for a living, Natalia?"

"I fight…"

The old man scribbled something down on his clipboard before activating a switch. The chair Natalia sat in hissed with electricity as it sprung to life.

"N-N-!" Natalia was cut off as the electrical currents sent shocks throughout her body.

Natasha's screams intertwined with those of her younger self. "L-Loki, **please**!" she begged, tears streaming down her face.

The teen's eyes began to roll into the back of her head.

The doctor pushed a button to turn the electric chair off and Natalia's head fell forward. "What do you do for a living, Natalia?"

Loki leaned in to savor the tortured look upon Natasha's face.

Natalia slowly raised her head. Her glassy eyes fixed upon those of her future self. "I'm a dancer," she flatly replied.

"So _that's _the story of young Natalia," Loki mused as the visions disappeared. "What a pity. Poor Natalia." The world around them blurred and they were back in the bedroom.

Natasha's knees gave in and she fell to the ground. A hand pressed against her mouth as she felt the bile rise to her throat. The past she couldn't remember was now crystal clear to her. The fighting, the conditioning… The lifeless eyes of her younger self made Natasha brace her palms against the floor as she began to retch.

"I believe that's enough for the day," Loki grinned. He was obviously quite pleased with his accomplishments. He managed to get the infamous Black Widow down on her hands and knees.

"Monster!" she coughed.

The god's brows knitted together as he knelt before her. "What was that?" he asked as he yanked a fistful of her fiery curls.

"You're a monster!" she spat as she wiped the traces of vomit from her lips.

Loki lifted her up by the hair, forcing the woman to her feet. "Tell me something I didn't already know, bitch!" he barked. He led Natasha towards the bed where he threw her down and began to rip off her clothes. "I've been a monster my whole life!" he told her with a smile.


	11. Almost easy

**"Shame pulses through my heart**  
**From the things I've done to you**  
**It's hard to face, but the fact remains**  
**That this is nothing new"**

**Almost Easy ~A7X**

After Loki had his way with Natasha, she didn't appear to be in pain or afraid like she usually was. Instead, she just looked lost. "Natasha?"

Her empty eyes stared out towards the balcony. All she could think about was her younger self and how she had been tortured. Unable to remember the actual tortures, Natasha felt separate from the Natalia in the visions. Being with Loki, however, made Natasha relate to the young red-headed girl and the pain she endured. They were both made broken by their captors…

"Natasha?" Loki repeated. His hands began fondling her breasts. That should have been enough to make her fight back.

She stared up at Loki, her eyes void of any expression whatsoever. Who had it worse? Her, or Natalia?"

"**Answer **me when I speak to you!" he ordered, slapping her across the face.

Natasha had it worse, of course. Unless Loki could condition her to make her forget, she was going to live with these memories as long as she lived. Tears began to form in the corners of her eyes. She didn't want to have to live with the pain-she wanted to forget! "Leave me alone," she told him quietly.

"Don't tell me you've lost your fight…" He reached down to stroke her cheek. "Natasha."

She didn't even flinch at his touch. "Are you happy?" she asked him. "Because this is all your fault…"

Loki stared down at the woman before him. This wasn't the Natasha Romanoff he knew. Did he take things too far? Shouldn't breaking her be enough to satisfy him? Or did he regret doing this to her..?

Natasha stared into Loki's eyes. He appeared to be lost in thought. Under any normal circumstance, she would have gone in for an attack. But Natasha was tired, despite having slept for four days straight. Between Loki's roughhousing with her and the thing growing inside her, she was exhausted. She buried herself under the covers and turned her back to Loki as she closed her eyes.

Loki intently watched her while she slept. He laid down over the covers and draped an arm across her middle.

It didn't take very long for Natasha to fall asleep. Once she did, though, she was haunted by her past.

_Natasha was strapped down in the electrical chair. Instead of being a young girl, she was the grown woman that she was today. She fidgeted in the seat, trying desperately to free herself._

_"And who are you, Natasha?" Loki was dressed in a white lab coat. He sat before her with a clipboard in hand. _

_"The Black Widow," she replied with confidence. _

_A cruel smile played at the corners of his lips as he pressed a button to activate the chair. "Not anymore."_

Natasha bolted upright with a scream. Beads of sweat had formed on her face and she was breathing heavily.

Loki awakened, taken by surprise at the outburst. "Natasha?" he tiredly asked. "What's the matter?"

Having Loki next to her reminded her of the dream. What did he mean she wasn't the Black Widow anymore? She tried to assure herself it was just a dream, but a wave of nausea overcame her. "Bathroom?" she asked, pressing a hand to her mouth.

"Straight across," he replied.

Natasha ran across the hall and collapsed before the marble toilet. Her dream felt all too real. Luckily she awoke before she received the shock treatment. The vision of her younger self getting shock treatment made Natasha begin to retch.

"Natasha, I am so sorry," Loki said from the bathroom doorway.

"Now's a bad time!" she coughed. "G-go aw-" The bile making its way up her throat wouldn't allow her to finish.

Loki winced as he watched her. "I did this to you."

Oh, _now_ Loki felt remorse. After the deed was done… Maybe he would let her go home now. Natasha grabbed a washcloth and wiped her mouth. "Yes. You did…" She flushed the toilet and splashed some cold water on her face.

"You're not the same woman you once were," he continued.

Natasha thought back to her dream and felt a pang of fear in her chest. "You're saying I'm not the Black Widow?"

His eyes met with hers. "Well, yes." He was surprised she came to the same conclusion.

She sank down against the marble floor and ran a hand through her messy hair. Was her dream trying to tell her something? "I've changed that much?" For all she knew, Loki could've had her bracelets on in preparation for an attack.

He knelt down onto the floor and noticed her tense up. "Do you remember our talk we had some time ago during my imprisonment?"

"Yeah." That was the day Natasha successfully managed to trick the trickster.

"That day, you made me realize something," he continued. "Despite your past, you carry on. Unlike myself, you sought redemption for yourself. I tried to break you that day…" A kind smile formed across his face as he chuckled to himself, "but I ended up being a pawn in your game. You tricked me," he finished as he stared into her eyes.

In that moment, Natasha saw that maybe Loki wasn't all that bad. "You got cocky," she smirked.

"In tormenting you, I left you ruined. If you would forgive me for that…"

"It's the past," she shrugged. "I can't change it. No one can."

He eyed her curiously. "How is it that you move on so easily?"

"It's what I do. You learn to let it go, Loki." Something didn't feel right. Was she having a heart-to-heart conversation with Loki?

Learn to let it go… Loki contemplated her words, taking them to heart. "So you'll let this go?" he wondered.

Natasha shrugged as she stared at the floor. "Something like that is hard to-"

"Let it go, Natasha," he warned her. "What's past is past. You can't change anything."

"And in time, I'll move on," she assured him. "But that time isn't now. It's gonna take a while, Loki."

"Very well, then," he replied. "You wouldn't be much fun if you weren't your usual self."

Natasha's brows furrowed in confusion. It felt as though they were about to establish a truce-were they? "Isn't this about making amends?" she questioned.

"What?" he asked with a chuckle. "No. Of course not."

Furious, she punched him in the jaw. "I should've known," she growled as she stormed off.

"Natasha!" He rubbed his jaw while running after her.

"NO!" she shouted as she reached the bedroom door. "I need to be alone! You're disgusting!" she hissed before slamming the door in his face. Natasha got into the bed and hugged the covers close. Loki didn't bother to interrupt her for the rest of the night.


	12. She's just another lost soul

**"She's just another lost soul about to be mine again. **

**Leave her, we will receive her. **

**It is beyond your control, will you ever meet again."**

**Inside the Fire ~Disturbed**

Natasha refused to speak to Loki for a week straight. Loki tried to engage in conversation, but she simply ignored him. They ate their meals in complete silence. Natasha spent the past week exploring her new surroundings. She would wander the castle while Loki followed closely behind her. On Natasha's eighth day of silence, she decided to try and find the snow-covered ground she had seen from her balcony. However, one week wasn't enough for her to learn which hall led where. She found herself constantly getting lost. Natasha wanted to ask Loki what exactly this place was, but she still couldn't forgive him. As much as she didn't want to see his face, she could tell that he followed her wherever she went. Maybe he knew that she knew, maybe he didn't. Either way, Natasha wasn't willing to talk. At one point she had to stop and take a deep breath as a wave of dizziness struck. Unlike her usual daily episodes, this one felt different. She felt the walls begin to close in on her and the number of doors before her doubled. Natasha reached towards the nearest wall for balance. Instead of leaning against the stone wall, she had reached for an illusion. Having lost her balance, she collapsed to the ground.

"Natasha!" Loki wasn't too far behind and he went running towards her. "Natasha?" His hand gingerly brushed across her cheek. She appeared to be unharmed physically, at least. He lifted her up into his arms with ease and carried her up to bed.

When Natasha came to, Loki was at her side with the back of his hand against her forehead. "What happened?" she asked, still slightly dazed.

"You fainted," he whispered.

"Shit," she breathed.

"Are you alright?" he asked, moving his hand away.

"So much for not talking to you," she muttered.

Loki began to chuckle.

"I wasn't out long, was I?"

"Barely an hour," he assured her.

Natasha stared out past the balcony to see that it was snowing. "Where are we?" Curiosity had gotten the best of her. The medieval-like castle seemed out of place in the modern day world.

"A world of my own," he replied.

She sat up in bed and stared at him. "What?"

"I found this world while banished," he began to explain. "I used my magic to fashion it to my liking."

"And you're all alone here?" she wondered.

"Just you and I."

"Is this your permanent residence or something?" she asked.

He shook his head. "No. I was here for only a short time before I arrived on Midgard."

"Too lonely for you?" Natasha wouldn't have minded living in a world of her own on occasions. The idea was intriguing, especially if life became too overwhelming.

"I had bigger and better worlds to venture to," he grinned. Loki couldn't help but take notice of Natasha's alluring smile as she watched him speak. This wasn't right, he told himself. Loki was letting his guard down and losing his true purpose. Natasha Romanoff had to despise him if he wanted his child to be born out of hatred. Loki couldn't allow himself to get emotionally closer to the woman. He needed to do something truly unforgivable-something that would make her hate him with every fiber of her being. He needed to track down Clint Barton…

Natasha made an attempt to get out of bed, but she began to feel dizzy.

"Perhaps some more rest will do you well," he told her with an assuring smile.

She rested her head against the pillow and watched him walk towards the door. "Loki?" she quietly asked.

He turned on his heel to stare back at her. "Yes?"

"Thank you."

"Rest well, Natasha," Loki said before shutting the door behind him.

….

"It's been nearly two weeks, Agent," Director Fury said to Clint.

"I've checked all over Moscow, Sir." Clint clenched his fists at his sides. "I don't know where she could be…" he added sadly.

"I've already filed a missing person's report. We're doing all we can." Fury was just as upset as Clint. Natasha was a very valuable asset to the team, along with an old friend.

"I know." Clint lowered his head.

"Take the rest of the day off. Clear your head," Fury told him.

Clint left the Director's office without another word. He trudged down the halls of the S.H.I.E.L.D. base until he reached the outdoors. The afternoon sunlight bothered Clint, so he slipped on his sunglasses as he walked through the city.

"I know who you're looking for, Clint Barton," said a familiar voice from behind the Archer.

"Loki?!" Clint exclaimed. He quickly turned around, only to find nothing there. Was he imagining things? He recalled Natasha also mentioning Loki the last time he saw her. Clint continued to walk forward until he heard the voice again.

"Turn left," Loki ordered.

Clint stopped in his tracks. Looking to his left, he saw an empty alleyway. If he wasn't hearing voices, then maybe Loki really was back… and he knew about Natasha. Clint ran down the alleyway until he reached a brick wall. "Loki? That you?" he called out. He _really _hoped he wasn't crazy. "Loki!" he shouted towards the sky.

"Hello, Clint Barton." Loki showed himself before the archer, dressed in his Asgardian attire.

Clint clenched his teeth. "Where's Natasha?!" he shouted as he grabbed the lapels of Loki's over coat.

"And what makes you think I know where she is?" Loki asked with a chuckle.

"She mentioned you before disappearing!" he hissed. "Now where is she?!" Clint yanked down on the lapels, bringing Loki's face closer to his.

A confident smile remained across Loki's lips as he stared back at his reflection through Clint's lenses. "Tell me, Agent Barton, how does it feel to lack the powers your friends have?" Clint's brows furrowed in confusion. Before the assassin could react, Loki grabbed him by the left arm. He bent Clint's arm at the elbow in the most unnatural manner. There was a gruesome crack mixed in with the blood curdling screams of Clint Barton.


	13. It wants my soul, it wants my heart

** "There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart."**

**Monster ~Skillet**

Natasha awoke to the smell of Loki entering the room with a tray of dinner. "What time is it?" she asked after a yawn.

"Mid-evening on Midgard," he said as he presented her with the food. "You haven't eaten all day, have you?"

"Thanks." She smiled at him in appreciation. Natasha didn't realize how hungry she was until she started to eat.

"I brought some more of your clothes," Loki added. He sat down on the edge of the bed to watch her eat.

"You went into my apartment?" She abruptly set down her fork and knife. "You didn't see the others, did you?!" she eagerly asked.

He shook his head. "I'm afraid not."

Natasha lowered her eyes, bringing her attention to the piece of chicken on her plate. She wondered if they missed her. She also couldn't help but worry about Clint. "Loki?"

"Yes?" he stared at her expectantly.

She figured now was a good time to bring up going home for good. After all, she and Loki seemed to be on good terms. As hard as it was to admit, Natasha didn't think Loki was that bad a guy… Batshit crazy, but still alright. "How about you let me go home-just until, you know, this _thing_ becomes too obvious," she said with a hand over her middle.

"Is this a negotiation, Ms. Romanoff?"

"Yes." She looked him straight in the eyes.

"And how do I know you won't tell your little friends about what I've done to you?" he questioned. "It's a chance I'm not willing to take," he quickly replied.

Natasha went from pleased to angry in a matter of seconds. "I can't stay here, Loki!" she yelled. "You can't just keep me locked up like this!" she complained. "I have a job- a life!"

"This is your life now," he smirked. His hand reached out to touch her hair, but she jerked away. "You, me, our child…"

"I don't want this life…" She set the silver tray aside and drew her knees to her chest.

"Life is unfair, Natasha. Believe me, I know," he added quietly.

Natasha got out of the bed. "I'm going to shower," she announced before leaving the room. All Natasha really wanted to do was take a hot shower and cry without Loki seeing her. She missed Clint, she hated Loki, and she hated the thing inside her… Loki had officially ruined her life.

…..

The next morning, Natasha awoke to find Loki missing. It was strange to not have him in the same room as her-not that she was complaining. She began her morning with the usual nausea and sat by the toilet, waiting to vomit. "Please stop," she groaned as she leaned back against the bathroom wall, hugging her middle.

"I didn't know you talked to him," said Loki with an amused look on his face.

Natasha narrowed her eyes in his direction. "I'm not." She brought a hand to her forehead. "This is miserable."

"I brought something you might like, Natasha." Behind his back, Loki held a surprise in his hands.

"Unless you can end this right now, I don't want it," she muttered.

Loki pulled out the newspaper he was hiding and tossed it in her direction.

The paper landed at Natasha's feet with the front cover staring up at her. **One Avenger Missing, Another Hospitalized, **the headline read. "What is this?" she asked as she snatched the paper up. Quickly, she began to skim through the article. The brief article began with how Natasha Romanoff had been missing for nearly two weeks. Natasha happened to see Clint's name and she swore her heart stopped.

Avenging archer Clinton Barton was found severely injured in a local alleyway. A local man found Barton in pain and immediately called 911. Barton was sent to the nearest hospital and required surgery on his broken elbow. No official word has been released as to what exactly caused the injury or if 'Hawkeye' will rejoin what remains of the Avengers.

The paper fell from Natasha's hands. "What is this?" she gasped. Poor Clint! Was it an accident from a mission? Did it happen when he was looking for her? Loki's chuckling interrupted her train of thought. Didn't Loki say he went to her apartment yesterday? How would he know to go back and bring her the paper? What if… She stared up at Loki, her eyes wide. "Tell me you didn't do this…."

"What gave it away?" he asked with a devious grin.

"No," she choked. Right when Natasha found herself warming up to Loki, he went and did **this **to her. "Loki…"

He knelt down before her and gently grabbed her chin. "I'm afraid I found myself becoming far too emotionally attached."

"Oh, god," she breathed. Natasha felt her body begin to shake as the nausea struck.

"He's still alive. I didn't **kill** him," he cruelly added.

Natasha pulled away from Loki's grasp just in time to vomit into the toilet.

"He asked about you, Natasha." Loki had her right where he wanted her. Once again, she would be in fear of him!

Natasha clawed at the toilet seat as Loki spoke. Damn him. Damn him to hell!

"You should have seen the look on his face!" Loki continued. "How he screamed!" The next thing he knew, Natasha threw a fist straight into his nose. "You forget you can't hurt me!" he spat. "You're almost as weak as your beloved Barton!"

"Shut up!" she screamed with tears in her eyes. "I **hate **you!" She began to repeatedly punch him in the chest. Her hits may not have done any damage, but she needed a way to release her frustration.

"**This **is what I like!" Loki said in a sinister voice. "This is the Natasha Romanoff I want to see more of!"

Natasha's body trembled with rag. "This is what you want? You want me to constantly feel like ripping you to fucking pieces?!" She gave him a swift kick to the jaw. "You're a fucking monster!" she spat.

Natasha threw another punch towards his face, but he caught her fist before it could touch him. "Do you want to know how I did it?" he asked, pulling Natasha's arm towards his body. "Would you like to feel the same pain as Barton did?" he threatened her with an all too charming grin.

Tears rolled down Natasha's cheeks. "I've dealt with worse!" she retorted. "You want to hurt me, Loki? Then do it!"

He violently shoved her against the bathroom wall. His armored arm pressed against her neck to hold her in place. Loki had a _much _better plan in mind-something that would hurt Natasha more that a broken arm…


	14. I see the monster that is me

**"Empty, where my heart used to be**  
**Now I'm looking in the mirror, I see this monster that is me"**

**Give Me Love ~The Used**

Natasha struggled to break free of the god's grasp. She was barely standing on her tiptoes since Loki had her nearly dangling in the air. Her breaths became more labored as she gasped for air. A knee to Loki's groin only forced him closer to her.

"Look at me, Natasha!" he hissed.

She grunted as her fingers clawed at his vambrace. Natasha knew Loki didn't want to kill her, but if he didn't let go soon, she would lose air completely. "L-let go!" she rasped.

"Look at me!" he shouted in her face.

The sound of his raised voice made her shiver. Natasha stared at Loki through half-lidded eyes.

"Do you want to see how I truly am a monster?" he asked.

"Y-you already are," she choked out. She pressed her feet against the wall so her neck wouldn't feel like it was going to snap.

"Oh, no," he told her with a chuckle. "I truly **am **a monster, Natasha." He closed his eyes and when he opened them, all but his pupils were the colour of blood.

"Wh-" She wanted to ask what he was, but Natasha couldn't bring herself to finish. Fear seized her body like wildfire. There was a sudden blue to his complexion that made Natasha fear for her life.

Looking into her fear-stricken eyes, Loki could see that even the seemingly fearless assassin was in fear of him. No one would ever accept such a monster… "_This _is who I truly am, Natasha," he explained with a smile once every inch of his skin was a blue hue.

"What the hell are you?" she finally asked, horrified. Natasha couldn't tear her eyes away from the blood red orbs.

"A monster," he smirked as his clothes vanished.

Natasha gasped as Loki's now blue arm burned her neck as he pressed it against her. His skin felt even colder than before, if that was even possible.

"Under normal circumstances, you would be dead," he explained. Loki freed her from his grasp and watched as she gasped for air. "However there is a part of me inside you, keeping you from completely falling apart from my touch." His grin widened.

Natasha stared up at him in horror. The thing inside of her really _was_ a monster. She didn't want the thing before, and now that she saw what Loki was, she _really _didn't want it.

"Are you afraid, Natasha?" he asked her. A finger delicately brushed against her lower lip.

"No." If there was one thing Natasha was good at, it was lying. She couldn't let the enemy know she was afraid. Loki _wanted_ her to be afraid. He wanted her to feel completely vulnerable. She couldn't grant him satisfaction by knowing that on the inside, she felt completely helpless.

"You're shivering, my darling," he crooned as a blue hand stroked her cheek.

"You're freezing." Her voice was barely a whisper. She clenched her jaw and tried to steady her breathing.

"Then why does your heart beat so fast?" His hand made its way down to her chest. "It's _racing_, Natasha."

She could almost hear the pounding of her chest in her ears. His hand reached up her shirt to cup her breast. She softly whimpered as his icy hand made her skin freeze.

"Undress," he whispered into her ear. Natasha shot him a glare as icy as his touch. "Don't be stubborn. After all, where have you to run? You're stuck here with me, Natasha." The red-head refused to obey, leaving Loki irritated. "Would you like them ripped from your body, instead?"

Natasha was caught in his trap with no escape. She pulled away from Loki's grasp and slowly lifted the shirt over her head. Loki watched her with a lustful stare as she continued to undress. Her shorts fell to her ankles, shortly accompanied by her bra and underwear. Natasha stood before Loki completely naked and he began to laugh cruelly.

"You're beautiful," he breathed as he leaned in close to her. "Let's try something new, now." He grabbed onto her hips and hoisted her up into his arms. Natasha let out a small cry as he shoved her back up against the wall. "Did that hurt?" he sweetly asked.

Natasha stared down at his stiff blue cock that was pressed in between their embrace. She grabbed onto Loki's shoulders, bracing herself for what was about to come.

Loki felt her body tremble beneath his fingertips. He made sure Natasha was securely pinned between his body and the wall as a hand guided his cock towards her entrance.

Natasha felt his tip working its way inside of her. "Ah! F-fuck!" she gasped, digging her nails into Loki's back. His icy flesh felt rough against her hot inner walls. "S-stop!" she suddenly begged, even though she knew her plea was meaningless.

Her cries only encouraged him even more. "You're so tight, Natasha," he groaned. Her heat was even more unbearably breathtaking in his Jotun form. Loki didn't know why he hadn't bothered to try this sooner. He already found himself working up a sweat.

Natasha screamed as he pumped into her. His icy cock burned her insides like fire. "S-stop! Loki!" she begged. He responded by moving faster and harder. Natasha felt like she was going to be ripped apart as his cock scraped against her delicate walls. Her crotch and insides were already going numb. After several deep thrusts, all she could feel was a pressure pushing into her. Natasha hugged her arms close to her chest, desperate for warmth as her body trembled from the cold. "L-Loki…" Her hot breath formed a cloud of air between them. "L-Loki, please!" she begged through chattering teeth.

"I'm not done with you, though," he informed her. His lips pressed against hers to stifle her whining.

The feel of his tongue forcing its way down her throat only made Natasha even more uncomfortable. How she longed for Clint's lips to kiss her. She remembered the last time she snuggled in bed with Clint. The warmth of Clint's body brought Natasha comfort-he made her feel safe.

For a brief moment, Loki felt as though Natasha was engaged in their kiss. He opened his eyes ever so slightly to see that her eyes were squeezed shut. Maybe he just imagined it. Rather, he _wanted _her to passionately kiss him.

Natasha tried to imagine that Loki was Clint, but she just couldn't do it. Loki was cold both inside and out. The lingering scent of blood on his skin wasn't comforting either. Her eyes opened and she found herself staring into Loki's blood red orbs. She narrowed her eyes as she pulled away from their kiss, her breathing unsteady.

"Natasha…" His lips locked with hers once more as he thrust into her. Loki didn't know why, but he found the woman to be simply irresistible. He wanted-_needed_-more. A groan escaped his throat as he came. The woman bit down on his lip to stop the kiss. Loki pulled out of her and his skin returned to its usual shade of ivory.

"P-put me down!" Natasha panted. Her body was still shaking and goosebumbs covered her fair skin.

Loki released her hips and noticed that his breathing had become just as ragged as hers.

The numbness between Natasha's legs made her brace herself against the wall. She pulled her knees close to her chest as she sank to the floor. Her insides felt raw and her body was freezing. She knew that she was going to be sore in the morning, no thanks to Loki.

There was a part of Loki that took pride in seeing her like this. "Can you stand?"

"Just leave me alone." She crossed her arms over her knees. As much as she wanted to move, the pain in her gut wouldn't let her.

"Here." Loki lifted her up into his arms and carried her to the bedroom. She looked so helpless that he couldn't bear to leave her on the floor.

"Put me down!" she growled, punching him in the chest.

"You could barely stand on your own," he reminded her. "Just like a foal."

"Don't compare me to an animal!" she yelled, her face suddenly flushed.

Loki began to chuckle softly. "Horses are good, strong creatures," he assured her.

"That doesn't make a difference!" she huffed. "I don't want you touching me after what you did! I **hate **you!" Her eyes clouded with tears. "Fuck!" she hissed. "I hate you and I hate thi-this _thing_ for ruining my life!"

He gingerly set her down on the bed. "Don't talk about our child that way."

"_Your _child!" she retorted as she pulled the covers around her body.

Loki watched as she turned her back to him. With her in a bad mood, he went to the bookshelf and grabbed a book. "Goodnight, Natasha," he said before leaving the room.

Natasha wanted to grab some clothes from the dresser Loki put her clothing in, but her legs still felt weak and her body had yet to thaw. Cold and in pain, Natasha began to cry. At least the tears were enough to make her face hot.


	15. Will you give in to me?

**"I can see inside you, the sickness is rising**  
**Don't try to deny what you feel**  
**(Will you give in to me?)**  
**It seems that all that was good has died**  
**And is decaying in me**  
**(Will you give in to me?)"**

**Down With the Sickness ~Disturbed**

_Natasha was on her knees as she desperately clung to a tail of Loki's over coat. "Loki-Loki, help!" she begged. Her other hand was clutching the hospital gown that covered her large middle. There were beads of sweat across her forehead and her face was flushed._

_"But I like this!" Loki smirked. He was taking pleasure in seeing her in pain before his feet. _

_"Please!" she gasped. A scream escaped her lips and both hands grabbed her stomach. "Loki!" she yelled as pain tore through her. Natasha tried to catch her breath between jolts of pain. "K-kill me!" she pleaded. Blood began to pool between her legs as Natasha writhed in pain. "__**KILL ME!**__" Her face turned a ghostly shade of white._

_"He's almost here, Natasha." Loki knelt down to stroke her cheek. His signature smirk was plastered across his face as he pushed Natasha onto her back. _

_"__**Loki!**__" she screamed. Her cries of pain soon mixed in with those of a baby's wail._

_"He's perfect!" Loki beamed._

_Natasha stared wide-eyed at the newborn in his arms. The baby was covered in blood. It opened its eyes and stared at Natasha with its blood-red orbs._

Natasha bolted out of bed in a cold sweat. Her hands grasped her stomach as she struggled to steady her breathing. It was just a dream, she told herself. More like a nightmare… She flinched as a soreness radiated from between her legs. Natasha fell back against her pillows. She stared out past the balcony to see that it was still dark out. There was no way she was going back to sleep anytime soon. Her hand rested against her stomach and all she could think of were those haunting red eyes… She wondered if that's what it was going to look like when it…_emerged. _"Oh, god," she breathed. Carefully, she got out of bed and grabbed some clean clothes. She zipped up her jeans and couldn't disregard the fact that they were fitting her more snuggly than usual. "Bozhe moi," she breathed. Before putting her shirt on, her fingers traced against her middle. Natasha didn't think she looked like she had gained any weight. Loki had been making her eat three meals a day, but she ended up throwing up most (maybe even all) of her food. She mentally calculated the first night Loki came onto her. That was roughly two months ago… meaning only seven more months. Natasha had to escape Loki- she had to kill the monster inside of her before things got too messy. Speaking of Loki, Natasha wondered where he was. She threw on a red shirt and slipped on a jacket before wandering the halls for Loki.

Natasha found him sitting in front of the fire place, reading a book. Loki closed the book and turned around. Looking past the couch's headrest, he could see Natasha in the doorway. "It's late," he informed her.

"I can't do this," she stated.

"Natasha?" He rose from his seat and crossed the dimly lit room.

"Loki, I-I _really _can't do this." Her fingers clawed at her lower abdomen. All she could think of was her nightmare. She looked like she was dying and all Loki could do was hover over her, laughing. Maybe she did die-rather, she _will _die. "This thing's going to kill me!" Tears escaped the corners of her eyes. She didn't want to die-especially not by bringing another monster in the world. A red-eyed monster with eyes like his father… "Is it going to look like you when it's born?" she asked Loki in horror.

Natasha's question left Loki taken aback. Was she that terrified of his child? He couldn't help but feel hurt by her words. Who _would _want a child, especially one of Jotun blood. What good would ever come of that? "Natasha…" But Loki _wanted _the monster. He _wanted _a child born from a sinner like himself. "You won't die. I won't let you."

"You can't promise that!" she yelled.

"Natasha, you will live," he repeated.

She wondered if there was a part of Loki that truly cared about her.

A smile played upon his lips. "After all, I'll need you to give me more children in the future."

Natasha's fear turned to hatred. "You're crazy! I don't want you anywhere **near **me after this one!"

"Think of how flawed they will all be. All of Jotun blood,-all **monsters, **just like their father!" he spat. Loki struck her across the cheek.

Natasha rubbed her red cheek and clenched her teeth. "You can't keep me locked up! She thought back to her dream where Loki was the one to deliver the child. "I'm gonna need a doctor!" she reminded him. "I highly doubt you know anything about childbirth!" His smile returned, as did Natasha's fear.

"We don't need anyone, Natasha. Just each other."

"No!" she shouted. "No, Loki, be realistic!" she pleaded. "I-I can't." Natasha was out of breath and at a loss for words. Her nightmare was becoming more real by the second. "What do you want me to say, Loki? That I'm scared?" She ran a hand through her wavy hair. "Loki, I'm _terrified_." The Black Widow, fearless assassin, could handle gunshot wounds, broken bones, Loki's tortures, but add a child into the equation and she lost it. "I don't want a baby."

"We're far past the point of no return," he smirked.

"As if you gave me a choice!" Natasha whirled on her heel and stormed out of the room. She returned to the bedroom and locked herself in the room. Knife, knife…she needed something sharp… Natasha went to the dresser and found her duffel bag. Secretly hidden inside an inner compartment was a pocket knife. She flipped it open to reveal the short, but handy blade. "Please," she whispered. "Just **die!**" she hissed as she stabbed herself in the stomach. Natasha didn't even utter a whimper as the blade dug through her flesh. Instead, she was laughing for the first time in a long while.


	16. I will possess your heart

**"How I wish you could see the potential,**  
**the potential of you and me.**  
**It's like a book elegantly bound but,**  
**in a language that you can't read.**  
**Just yet."**

**I Will Possess Your Heart ~Death Cab for Cutie**

Blood seeped through Natasha's gaping wound and began to pool on the floor around her. She knew that the three inch incision she made wouldn't be enough, so she shoved the blade in as far as it will go. There was a grunt in her chest as she tried shoving it in further. Natasha leaned forward, clenching her jaw. She was losing blood at an alarming rate and was beginning to feel light-headed. Natasha figured that if she was lucky, she would die along with the monster. Her only regret would be leaving Clint without a proper goodbye. She had so much to say… Her unexpressed feelings… Everything around her was a haze. She pulled the knife out of her and collapsed onto the floor…

….

"Natasha!"

She couldn't bring herself to open her eyes. Rather, she didn't want to.

"Natasha?"

The sound of her name called to her, but she didn't want to answer.

"Forgive me, Natasha…" The voice continued to speak. "I cannot allow for death to take you…"

Natasha could recognize the voice. Something cold squeezed her hand. She could easily recognize that touch, too. But wasn't she dead? She killed herself. Her and the monster. Then why did Loki's voice say otherwise? Her eyes suddenly fluttered open. The first thing she saw was Loki sitting at her side.

"Natasha?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"I'm dead," she told him.

Loki's gaze hardened. "You tried to kill yourself!"

"Then, the monster…" Her hand traced against her stomach. She tried to feel for a scar, only to feel the smoothness of her skin. "What?" She sat upright and lifted up her shirt to get a better look. There was no scar-not even a trace of one. "You didn't," she gasped as she stared up at Loki.

"He'll be just fine, much to your dismay," Loki taunted.

"I killed it!" she shouted.

"No. You didn't. You only hurt yourself, Natasha!" he gruffly informed her. "When I found the bedroom door locked, I knew you were scheming!" Loki hissed. "You would have **died **if not for me!"

"Maybe that's what I wanted!" she cried. "Did you think about that, Loki?"

"I told you I wouldn't let you die," he reminded her. "You're stuck with me, Natasha Romanoff. You and our child."

His words left her haunted. Death wouldn't even welcome her, so long as Loki was with her…

"You had me worried," he calmly continued. "You were asleep for four days."

Sleep seemed to be the only place Natasha could escape. Then again, she did have some unpleasant dreams involving Loki and the spawn. There really wasn't any hiding from them… "I don't understand…" she quietly continued.

"Yes?"

"Why do you want this?" There was a silence between the two. "Loki," she prodded. "You'll just kill the thing, anyways. It's better off dead."

A low growl emitted from Loki's chest. He grabbed Natasha by the neck and slammed her head against the bed post. "I know how to raise a child!" he snarled.

"But why would you want it to be like **you**?" she ridiculed.

A smile formed across his lips. "He will be like both of us, Natasha. A liar, a murderer…"

"Shut up!" Natasha yelled. "That's not a reason!"

"And who are you to judge?" he coldly asked. "Tell me that you aren't curious as to what we have created…"

Natasha's nails clawed at Loki's hand. "This isn't right, Loki."

"Neither is murder, _Black Widow!_" he spat, slamming her head back once again. "Yet you continue to kill!" Loki's voice began to echo within the room. "You have no right to tell **me **the difference between right and wrong!"

"That's the difference between you and me, Loki." Her voice faltered as Loki's grip tightened. "I knew when to stop. I don't kill out of spite. I've changed."

"That doesn't wipe the blood off your hands!" he reminded her.

Natasha intensely stared into the trickster's eyes. "I move on. I can't change who I was-I know that. It doesn't mean I can't move forward."

Loki leaned into her. The tip of his nose brushed against hers. "You speak as though change has come easily for you."

"It hasn't."

"Once a murderer, always a murderer, Ms. Romanoff. The only change in your life has been the side you fight for!" he spat. "Anyone can pledge their allegiance to someone else-do you think that changes them?"

"How about you give it a try, then?" The corner of her lip turned up in a smirk.

"That won't change who I am on the inside," he darkly reminded her. "_Nothing_can change that…" His grip loosened around her neck.

There was a pause. "You can always try," Natasha suggested.

Loki merely cackled at her proposition. "I **like **what I am!" He rendered her body frozen with a touch of magic. "Tell me, Natasha, do you like what **you **are?"

"I'm not like you," she growled. "Don't think that you can ever put us on the same level."

"One day, my darling," he purred as he placed a kiss upon her cheek. His hand traced against her chest. He could feel the pounding of her heart beneath her breast. "_Every _part of you will be mine."


	17. We'll break these poker faces

**"All I want is to be with you**  
**All I want is to be with you**  
**Show your cards, show me what you got**  
**We'll break these poker faces, like it or not"**

**Warm Me Up ~Ether**

"Natasha, you need to eat," Loki urged at breakfast one morning.

"I'm not hungry." She leaned back in her seat and glared at Loki from across the long, wooden dining table. They had been having the same argument for a week straight. Over the course of a week, Natasha had been noticing that her clothes didn't fit as snuggly as they used to. Her shirts were beginning to feel a bit tight as she noticed a slight gain around her middle. She wondered if Loki could notice. He had been seeing an awful lot of her naked body as of late. Her refusal to eat made Loki angry, thus leading to a punishment that wasn't strictly limited to the bedroom. In the end, Loki had his way and Natasha would eat...only to throw it up moments after. "How about we go somewhere else?" she suggested in an effort to make him stop nagging her. That, and Natasha was bored of this horrid place.

"No," he replied without a second thought.

"What? You don't have any other magical worlds to show me?" she asked, rolling her eyes. "I haven't been outside in weeks," she added. Natasha wished she could blame the lack of exercise for her weight gain.

Loki flashed her a knowing smile. "I'll make a deal with you. Eat, and I'll show you where your gate to the outside is. You've been searching a while now, haven't you?"

Natasha wasn't going to argue with that offer. She finished breakfast and surprisingly, Loki kept up his end of the bargain.

He led her through a series of hallways and past twists and turns that all seemed identical. Loki knew what he was doing since the first door amidst a series of identical ones opened to reveal the outside world.

Natasha was glad that she had worn her jacket. The cobblestone ground was covered with a fresh sheet of snow and there was a chill in the air. She enjoyed the cold (the weather-not Loki). Anything was better than being stuck inside a room all day with nothing to do. The snow crunched beneath her feet as she began to walk down the street. Looking around, there was nothing but a forest and a frozen-over lake. Natasha took a moment to stretch her sore limbs. She hadn't realized how sore and out of shape she felt until now. "Want to spar a bit?" she asked Loki.

The god suddenly appeared interested. "So long as you don't exert yourself."

She rolled her eyes at his comment. "And your vigorous sex _isn't _over exerting? I'll be fine, right?" She threw a punch towards his chest, but he evaded.

"Alright," he agreed. His arm swung forward towards her shoulder.

Natasha ducked and gave him a swift kick to the back of his knee. Loki began to stumble and she took the opportunity to jump up and lock her thighs around his neck. For once, Natasha managed to bring Loki to the ground. However, she could tell he was holding back. Loki was _letting _her win. Natasha decided to take full advantage of this opportunity by forcing Loki's arm behind his back. "I like this turn of events," she whispered into his ear.

"I'm sure you do," he replied with a smirk.

She forced his head down, smacking his face against the hard ground. Hopefully, that cocky grin of his was gone. "You're making this too easy for me, Loki," she taunted.

Loki jabbed her in the shoulder with his elbow. He flipped around and now Natasha was the one pinned down. "Are you asking me to be rough, Ms. Romanoff?"

She locked her legs around his narrow hips. "In terms of fighting, yes," she replied. She pushed against his broad shoulders and Loki allowed for her to flip him onto his back.

Loki grabbed onto her hips and pulled them against his own. "What would you say if I told you to fuck me right here and now?" he purred.

Natasha was shocked at the words to pass his lips. He was usually much more proper. "I'd have to decline," she coolly replied.

"Shall I use force, then?" he asked, raising a brow.

An idea popped into the assassin's mind. "How about we play a game?" she wagered. "If you can pin me down, I'll fuck you right here with no questions asked."

Loki was more than pleased with this. Deep down, there was a part of him that wanted Natasha to be the one to take him. "And if you win?"

Natasha had to carefully contemplate the scenario at hand. Part of her wanted Loki to spare her. She knew he wouldn't let her go, but he could possibly lay off the sex for a while. Then there was Clint… Maybe Loki would allow her a visit. At this point, she would gladly settle for a phone call-anything to hear his voice… "If I win," she began, "you have to let me see Clint."

"One visit." The god's confidence was getting the best of him. He could take her with ease.

A relieved smile formed across her lips. "Let's start, then." She got off of Loki and waited for him to rise to his feet.

Loki made the first move. He ran towards the spy, throwing punches left and right.

Natasha easily blocked his attempts. One of Loki's punches towards her face gave her an opportunity to duck and slide between his legs. She reappeared behind him and kicked him in the spine. He began to stumble forward, but regained his footing and whirled around to face her. Their hands locked as they began a struggle for dominance. Natasha was trying to push Loki towards a nearby tree. Loki seemed to have the same idea in mind. The couple was currently at a stalemate.

"Let's say this ends in a draw…" Loki said as he pushed his weight towards Natasha. "End it here and now, and I'll allow you to visit Barton, so long as you hold up _your _end of the bargain." His signature smirk widened.

"I'd rather win fair and square," she cockily informed him.

"How long can you keep your footing, my spider? You forget that the field is of my advantage," he reminded her as he leaned in towards her.

She began to laugh at his assumption. "You forget I'm from Russia. I'm used to a little snow…"

"But of course," he chuckled. "_Forgive me, Natalia,_" he added in Russian.

Natasha was too stubborn to give up this fight. She wanted to win this without resorting to a draw. Her hands tightly squeezed Loki's as their fingers remained intertwined. Their fight was going nowhere. Except Natasha had a card up her sleeve-one that she hoped will work to her advantage. Her eyes stared into Loki's. His face was so close to hers-so close, she could almost… Her lips suddenly pressed against his. Loki was taken by surprise by the unexpected lip-lock. Natasha took advantage of the distraction and lunged into his chest, sending them both backwards.

While still mid-fall, Loki rolled away from Natasha. The spy braced herself by throwing her hands forward before she could meet the ground. Natasha proceeded to stand to her feet, but Loki grabbed her arms and pulled them behind her back. Instead of letting her fall face first into the ice, he held Natasha in place. "I believe this victory goes to me," he whispered into her ear. "However, I appreciate your distraction," he added. "It was certainly unexpected."

Natasha scowled as Loki released her.

"A deal is a deal, Ms. Romanoff," he taunted.

The woman threw herself at him and sent him into the ice. "Take your damn clothes off," she said bitterly as she sat on his hips.

Loki was pleased by her enthusiasm as he propped himself up on his elbows. "And here I would have assumed you would weasel your way out of this predicament…" His Asgardian clothing vanished, leaving him naked against the ice and snow.

"_Next _time," she warned him as she stood to her feet. "I'll win." Natasha threw her jacket off to the side, followed by the rest of her clothing. "Shit," she breathed once she was completely naked. A cold breeze blew against her and she hugged her arms to her chest, making Loki laugh. The chill reminded her of sex with Loki in his Jotun form. At least he was human... or whatever this appearance of his was. _A deal's a deal, Romanoff, _she told herself. Natasha crawled over his legs, unable to look him in the eyes. She felt humiliated for what she was about to do.

"I'm waiting," Loki informed her with a devious grin.

Natasha shot him a look of warning. Her eyes fell to his stiff cock and she realized that this was the first time she would be the dominant one. As pleasing as it should have been, sex with Loki was far from pleasant.

"Touch yourself," Loki suddenly instructed her.

Natasha raised a brow at the outburst. "Excuse me?"

"It would be far more comfortable for you if you were wet, wouldn't it?" he asked.

"How kind of you," she dryly remarked. "Thanks for just bringing this up now…"

"All part of the fun," he replied. "All jests aside, let me see you touch yourself, Natasha."

Natasha felt her face grow hot. Maybe if she cooperated, Loki would give her a bit of freedom. With that possible luxury in mind, she sat down on Loki's leg. Lowering her hand to the core of her heat, her middle finger began to stroke her clit. She pursed her lips as she continued the motion. At one point she stared down at Loki to find that his eyes were focused on her face. Natasha turned away in shame as she felt Loki's lustful gaze. Her first two fingers slipped inside of her moist center and she let a soft moan pass her lips. She didn't want to feel aroused-not with Loki, at least, but she had to fulfill her end of the bargain. Natasha pulled her fingers out and positioned her pussy over his cock. She slowly lowered herself over the god.

"How wet you are!" Loki gasped as he grabbed her hips.

Natasha would have been lying to herself if she said this didn't feel good. She began to buck her hips and quickly found her most sensitive spot. Loki fell back against the ice and groaned as she began to ride him at a faster pace. Natasha dug her nails into his pale flesh as she raised and lowered herself over his cock. Her thrusts picked up a steady rhythm. She began to moan as she could feel herself reaching her orgasm. She forced herself to go faster, harder. His cock was hitting her right where she needed him. Natasha didn't stop-she couldn't stop-not until her urges were completely satisfied. "Fuck!" she gasped as her orgasm drew nearer. She was so close she could feel it.

"Don't stop, Natasha," Loki coaxed her. Natasha's heat left him sweating and gasping. Her dominance was also very alluring to him.

"Loki," she breathed as she took him in even more. "I-I still hate you!" she gasped. The chill of his cock mixed with her heat was starting to feel better by the second. Loki chuckled at her comment. Natasha pushed into him with even more force. "Oh, god," she moaned as she came. Her entire body felt weak as she tried to recover from one of her best orgasms.

"Keep going," Loki begged. "Natasha."

She couldn't help but laugh at how the tables had turned. Now it was Natasha to make Loki beg. She couldn't continue, though. Her body trembled and she had yet to catch her breath.

Loki wasn't satisfied, though. While still inside of her, he sat up and pinned her onto the ground.

"Loki!" The sudden turn of events took her by surprise and left her freezing.

He began to pump into her, hitting her pleasure spot. Natasha's arms wrapped around his neck. "Natasha," he groaned as he came.

The two then pulled apart and laid back against the snowy ground. Both naked, both panting, both hearts racing.


	18. Even if she falls

**"When the night will begin**  
**The pain it won't end, even if she falls in love**  
**Back, you wanna turn back**  
**Your heart will attack, even if she falls in love"**

**Even If She Falls ~Blink 182**

Loki and Natasha didn't speak of what happened between them the following morning. Or for a whole week, for that matter. If anything, the two distanced themselves from each other. They ate together and slept together (sleep and nothing more). The two rarely spoke to each other, though.

Natasha felt awkward around him, especially since the sex she had with Loki that day was the best sex in her life. She also couldn't dismiss the fact that her heart would race every time she saw him. Her heart wasn't beating fast from fear this time, either. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she felt that she was slowly falling under his spell. She couldn't let herself, though- she wouldn't. Not Loki. Especially not Loki. She was his prisoner and his main goal was to make her life hell. Never would she ever be foolish enough to fall for a man like that. She was going to blame her hormones for any crazy 'girl crush' feelings towards Loki from now on. The thing inside her was obviously the one that cared about Loki.

Loki was also finding himself compelled to her. There were times he wanted to let her go free, but his overall goal in mind wouldn't let him. He needed the woman all to himself. Natasha was to be all his, and his alone.

After Natasha finished throwing up breakfast, Loki suddenly approached her, dressed in a black casual suit. "What?" she asked, lowering her eyes.

Loki began to notice her lack of eye contact and the way her cheeks would flush whenever he approached. Natasha Romanoff wasn't turning away from him in fear anymore. This was much worse than Loki expected. He couldn't have Natasha lust after him. There needed to be hatred between them if his child was to be born from hate. Today, Loki had an idea. One that he hoped Natasha would find unsettling. "Would you care to do some shopping today?" he offered.

"Is there a mall here I didn't know about?" she asked bluntly.

"No," he chuckled. "I was thinking that we pay Midgard a visit…"

Natasha's eyes met with his. Was her good behavior finally paying off? "To New York, or…"

"Somewhere farther away," he warned her. "Don't forget that your friends are searching for you there."

Her hopes were crushed in that second. "Why bother going out, then?" she bitterly asked. Natasha hated how she was starting to see Loki as a fairly decent person, only to have him be a jerk and ruin everything. In the end, Loki was a heartless monster.

"Natasha," Loki smiled, "don't think I haven't taken notice." The red-head stared at him in confusion. His hand reached beneath her jacket to feel the gentle bump of her stomach. "He's growing quickly."

She turned away from Loki, pulling her jacket closer to her.

"You'll be in need of new clothing. We can go shopping for some," he suggested.

Natasha longed to go out, especially back on earth, but she wanted to see Clint more than anything. The idea of getting out of Loki's world was tempting, though. "Alright," she agreed.

"Wonderful. Shall we be on our way, then?"

Natasha watched Loki adjust the sleeve of his jacket. As he tugged at the sleeve, she caught sight of her stinger bracelet that he was wearing underneath. "Yeah," she replied, looking into his eyes. Her day was looking a whole lot more promising. Natasha was already formulating an escape plan in her mind.

…

"I'll just get these." Natasha threw some dark coloured shirts into his arms, along with some new pants. She didn't bother checking the prices. Natasha simply grabbed things she would wear in medium and large sizes. "They'll work for now." If Loki was willing to buy her clothes, then they would definitely need another trip out in the near future.

"There isn't anything else you need?" he asked.

She picked out a few more shirts. "These are good." Natasha was distracted. She wanted her new escape plan to work. "Anywhere else you need to go?"

"Actually," Loki began, "I have a surprise planned."

"A surprise?" she asked, raising a brow. "Just tell me now."

"Why spoil it?" he winked.

Natasha had no clue as to where they actually were, but she had an idea as to what Loki's surprise was. She was confident that her reward would be a visit to see Clint. Her escape plan was about to get much easier. The two walked side by side to the cashier. On the way, Natasha couldn't help but catch a glimpse of the baby section. "Aren't you going to need those things?" she wondered.

Loki stared at her, looking pleased. "Do you want something for him?" He was still stuck on the idea of a son.

She rolled her eyes. "No. I just figured that they need things. Diapers, food… You have no clue what you're getting yourself into, do you?"

"I'll have what I need on Asgard," he informed her. "The midwives will know how to care for him. Unless you want to assume the role of a mother," he smirked.

"No thank you," she tersely replied.

Loki paid for Natasha's clothes and they left the store. While proceeding to leave the mall, Loki happened upon a window display with lingerie.

Natasha had been walking ahead of Loki. When she no longer heard his footsteps, she stopped to turn around. "What are you looking at?" she asked as she approached him.

Loki flashed her a mischievous grin. "I think you would look lovely in this attire."

She stared at the lingerie sets on display and frowned. "You're joking."

"Let's look inside."

Before Natasha could protest, Loki was already inside the store.

"The humans use whips against each other?" Loki asked. "Much similar to Asgard, I suppose." He held a whip in his hand while eyeing a ball gag. The woman wearing it on the package gave Loki ideas.

"Loki, we're leaving!" she hissed, her face growing hot.

He took notice of her embarrassment and began to chuckle. "I think I'd like to purchase some of these." He grabbed a ball gag and a set of handcuffs.

"No!" Natasha growled. "Loki, put those down!" She made a grab for the packages, but Loki held them above his head. "You may have these later," he hinted.

"Loki!" Natasha was on the verge of yelling.

"You best be good if you want your surprise, Natasha," he reminded her.

For Clint, Natasha repeated over and over in her head. For Clint. She left the store and decided to wait for Loki outside. "You're embarrassing!" she hissed once Loki left the store with a large plastic bag in hand.

"The women on the packages seem to be enjoying themselves. Are you familiar with these devices, Natasha?" he wondered.

"I've never _used _any of them," she admitted. "And I'd like to keep it that way."

"We're going to have fun later," he promised.

"Can you just show me this surprise now?" she impatiently asked.

"Of course." He took Natasha by the hand and they disappeared.


	19. Back against the wall

**"I said you got me where you want me again and I can't turn away**  
**I'm hangin' by a thread and I'm feelin' like a fool**  
**I'm stuck here in between the shadows of my yesterday**  
**I wanna get away, I need to get away"**

**Back Against the Wall ~Cage the Elephant**

Natasha stared at the hospital entrance sign. The first thing she noticed was that this wasn't New York. She didn't even know where this was. "Is Clint here?" she asked.

Loki laughed at her assumption. "I have something far better than visiting Barton," he said as he escorted her inside.

Natasha glared at him as they walked inside. She was so sure that she was going to get to see Clint. Why else would they be at a hospital?

"I scheduled an ultrasound for my wife," Loki informed the receptionist. "Natalie Rushman."

The name was all too familiar to Natasha. She wondered how Loki knew about one of her previous undercover names.

"The Doctor will see you shortly," the older woman assured the couple. "Please fill these out while you wait," she added, handing them some paperwork.

"I hate you," Natasha whispered as they sat down. "This isn't a surprise," she added, crossing her arms. The only relief to this trip was that Loki's bag of 'toys' wasn't with him. She didn't need him embarrassing her any further.

"We'll get to see our child-what could be better than that?" he asked.

"I don't **want **to see it!" she muttered.

"You should be more thankful that I'm taking you out for the day."

"How about I tell these doctors how you've been treating me?!" she spat.

Loki grabbed her chin and leaned in to whisper into her ear. "Say anything and Barton just might lose the use of his only good arm," he sweetly threatened.

She scowled and focused on the papers before her. "Natalie Rushman. How do you know _her_, Loki?"

"Agent Barton," he coolly replied.

Loki wasn't lying when he said Clint told him everything all those months ago. That was unsettling to know, especially since Natasha told Clint everything.

"What's your name, 'husband?'" she asked in annoyance.

"Thomas," he replied.

She began to scribble his name down. "Do you do this frequently- come here and pretend you're someone else?" she wondered.

"It's no different than what you do for a living," he reminded her.

Loki had her there. She finished up the paperwork. No, she did **not **want to know the sex of the thing.

"Shame," said Loki, peering over her shoulder.

"Eyes off," she growled as she continued to jot things down. As of today, Natasha was ten weeks, one day.

"You calculated that awfully quickly," he noticed, continuing to stare.

"It's exactly how long you've been making my life hell," she remarked before returning the paperwork to the front desk.

"You don't mean that," Loki grinned when she sat back down beside him.

"I do, actually."

"Rushman?" The receptionist called out.

"Bastard," she breathed as they got up.

The receptionist led them into a small examination room where a doctor was already waiting for them. "Please take a seat, Mrs. Rushman," the doctor told her as he extended his hand to an examination table.

Natasha couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. Her mind thought back to the visions of her younger self, strapped down to the medical table.

"Natalie," Loki told her, "Do as the good man says." He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Forgive my wife, Doctor. She's been rather tired. We've been travelling lately and she needed an appointment scheduled."

Natasha was surprised at how easily Loki lied. Then again, lies were a specialty of his…

"Are there any concerns, Natalie?" the Doctor asked her.

Natasha could see Loki shooting her a glare from behind the Doctor. "None at all," she responded.

"Alright," said the Doctor. "Let's see how your baby is progressing. Can you raise your shirt and lower your pants for me?"

"Yeah, sure," she absently replied. As she lifted her shirt and unbuttoned her pants, all she could think of was her revenge. Loki took a seat at her side and held her hand. The Doctor proceeded to turn on a small monitor. He squirted some cool gel on her lower abdomen, but she didn't even flinch. Loki had it in for him, Natasha kept telling herself. He was going to pay for everything he had done to her! The rape, the torture, kidnapping… The sound of Loki's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"That's amazing," Loki breathed as his eyes remained fixed upon the black and white blurs on the monitor.

Natasha stared up at Loki. He looked like a child on Christmas morning. She turned to stare at the monitor as the Doctor pointed to the head. Instead of being amazed, she winced at the sight of it. That was the monster inside of her. _That_ was the thing ruining her life, along with Loki's help. She didn't even know what to make of the blob. The Doctor didn't seem alarmed, so the thing must've looked normal. Natasha returned her attention to Loki's face. Of course _he _was happy with it.

Loki felt Natasha's gaze and stared down at her. "That's it, Natalie." He could feel himself nearly mess up her name. "That's our child," he beamed.

Natasha didn't like the look on his face at all. If anything, it left her frightened. She needed to get away from him. Both Loki and the thing in her stomach.

"Are you alright, Mrs. Rushman?" the Doctor wondered. He found it odd that the woman looked more terrified than anything. "Everything looks just fine, so you have no need to worry," he assured her.

Natasha stared at the Doctor with a blank expression.

"Isn't that wonderful?" Loki asked, squeezing her hand. "Our baby is just fine," he smirked. He had Natasha right where he wanted her. She was scared, angry-she would _loathe_ him for forcing her to go through with this.

"Yeah," she distantly replied.

Their appointment finished up and they left. "Wasn't that amazing, Natasha?" Loki asked. "Seeing our child-"

"I wouldn't call that thing a child," she dryly replied as they walked alongside the fairly empty sidewalk.

"Are you disappointed, Natasha?" he wondered with a smile.

"With you? Yes."

"You aren't impressed that there's life inside of you? I find it fascinating," Loki continued. "We've made something special."

More like something dangerous. "Just shut up," she warned him. She spotted a park up ahead and grabbed Loki's arm. "Let's stop over there," she suggested, pointing to an unoccupied bench. "I need to sit down."

"Wouldn't you rather lie down at home?"

"It's a nice day out and we're already here." Natasha began to pull on his arm.

"Alright," he agreed.

They walked arm in arm like a real couple. Natasha sat down on the nearest bench and rested a hand over her stomach. "You didn't think it looked weird?" she asked as Loki sat beside her.

"Of course," he admitted. "I don't see how a blur represents our child, but the doctor said all was well. That's what matters, isn't it?"

She rolled her eyes and leaned against his side. Honestly, she could care less. All that mattered now was putting her plan into action. Loki's armed right wrist was resting on his thigh. Natasha's left hand reached out to touch his chest.

"What are you doing?" he wondered.

"Play along, Loki," she told him. "You want us to look happy, right?" She began to undo the buttons on his jacket.

Loki grabbed onto her wrist to stop her. "This looks suspicious coming from you," he noted.

Natasha lowered her eyes and could just barely see the tips of her stingers beneath his sleeve. "It does?" she asked innocently. Her right hand reached out and grabbed Loki's right wrist. She activated the stingers at full charge and forced Loki to punch himself in the chest. "You're right, Loki," she admitted as she watched him convulse. His head fell forward and Natasha watched his unmoving form. She grabbed a fistful of his black hair and examined his face. His eyes were shut and his breathing was slow. Natasha smiled widely as she realized that her plan worked. "Looks like you're no match for these, Loki," she commented as she slipped her bracelet off his wrist. Natasha checked his left arm to see that he was only wearing a watch there. At least she had one of her weapons back. She slid the bullet bracelet onto her left arm and concealed it with her jacket's sleeve. "Night, Loki," she whispered. Natasha kissed him on the forehead before breaking off into a mad dash.


	20. Now that you're gone forever

** "I feel so much better**  
**Now that you're gone forever**  
**I tell myself that I don't miss you at all**  
**I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now**  
**That you're gone forever"**

**Gone Forever ~Three Days Grace**

Natasha ran as fast as she could away from Loki. Once the park was out of view, she slowed down to catch her breath. Without bothering to look back, she made her way through the town's streets. Natasha stopped once she came upon a newspaper dispenser. According to the paper's name, she was in Santa Fe, New Mexico. Over a year ago, Natasha recalled Clint telling her about how he was sent there when Thor first arrived. Loki must have known his way around the area if he decided to take her here. She knew she didn't have much time before Loki came after her. Natasha's first priority was finding a phone. With no money, she was going to have to put her charm into play to get what she needed. She entered a diner and approached the counter. "Excuse me, sir," she said to an older gentleman with his back turned to her.

The man set the coffee cup he was cleaning aside to face her. Once he got a look of her face, his eyes widened. "You're that Avenger lady!" he exclaimed. "The Black Widow!"

Natasha was taken aback by the comment. She was used to being recognized, especially after the New York incident, but she thought the hype had died down. Especially in an empty town such as this.

"Is Thor with you?" he wondered. "Thor came to this exact diner over a year ago!"

"No, I-"

The man cut her off before she could finish. "You're in the news-did the Avengers find you, yet?"

So the word had spread all the way across the country… "I need to borrow your phone," she told the man.

"In the back over there," he instructed. "Can I have your autograph?"

Natasha ignored the request and hurried over to the phone. She dialed the first number to come to mind. "Clint?" she asked once the ringing stopped.

"Nat?!" he exclaimed from the other end. "Oh my god, Nat! Where the hell are you?"

The sound of his voice was overwhelming. She just wanted to ask if he was okay and tell him that she didn't mean anything that she said to him before. But right now, she was in danger and desperately needed some saving. "A diner in Sante Fe," she quickly told him. "Listen, Barton, I need you here ASAP!" she warned him. "And bring Thor," she added. "He might know where I am." The owner had said that Thor was here. Plus, who better to help in dealing with Loki?

"Is it Loki?" Clint asked suspiciously.

Natasha wanted to tell him everything, but she didn't know how much time she had until Loki regained consciousness. "Yes. I'll explain later, Clint. Just hurry-please!" she pleaded.

"Woah, Nat-are you okay?" he worriedly asked.

"Dammit, Clint!" she couldn't fight back a sob. "Hang up and go!" She slammed the phone against the receiver on the wall. Tears began to fall from her eyes. Clint was coming for her, she assured herself. He was going to save her.

"Black Widow?" the man asked as he carefully approached her.

Natasha quickly wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "Thank you," she told him once she composed herself. "Do you mind if I wait here a bit?" she asked. "Thor should be here in a bit," she added.

"It would be my honour!" the man exclaimed. "Can I get you anything? Some coffee on the house?"

"No. Thank you, though," she added. Her stomach was in knots as she fretted over what would happen if Clint didn't hurry. Loki would have it in for her-he would be livid. Natasha suddenly felt sick. She looked up and saw the bathroom sign next to the phone straight ahead. Natasha locked herself in there and heaved until her sides ached and her throat burned. She needed to get rid of the monster before Clint arrived. After cleaning up, she approached the man working the establishment. "I'll be back soon," she promised him. "If my friends arrive, tell them I'll be right back."

"Sure thing, ma'am!" he said as Natasha hurried off.

She needed to backtrack in order to find the hospital. The only way to do that would require her to go through the park. Natasha was either going to put an end to Loki's spawn, or do something she would soon regret. She decided to take her chances and run through the park. Much to her relief, Loki was still lying on the bench where she left him. Before running off for good, she gave him another tazing for safe measure. She hurried down the sidewalks and finally found the hospital. Her knees were starting to feel weak and her sides began to hurt. She had the monster to blame for all of that. As she made her way through the entrance, she wondered if any of the workers recognized her and Loki earlier. Did they not keep up on previous alien invasions on the east side? Whatever the reason, Natasha was grateful. She didn't think tabloids featuring the Black Widow and an abortion would end well for her…

"Can I help you, ma'am," the receptionist from earlier asked.

"Yeah, I'd like to ask my Doctor something…"

…

"I found her!" Clint exclaimed the moment Natasha hung up. Clint made a mad dash through the halls of the S.H.I.E.L.D. base in search of Nick Fury. The pain in his arm grew worse as the sling jerked back and forth while he ran. Pain didn't matter, though. Natasha was alive-that was all that mattered. "Sir!" Clint shouted at the Director.

"Barton!" he exclaimed, "I'm busy right now, Agent," Fury informed him. Maria Hill and Coulson were with the Director, engaging in business talk.

"I found her!" he gasped, trying to catch his breath. "Santa Fe-it's Loki!"

"Slow down, Barton," Fury ordered. "You say you found Agent Romanoff?"

"She called-she needs me and Thor ASAP!" he told him. "We need to go!"

"You're sure about this, Barton? Do you even know _where _she is?"

"Same place as where Thor was," he told Nick Fury quickly. "Where's Thor?"

"I'll get him," Coulson said as he turned on his heel.

"I need one of the jets," Clint ordered his superior. "The fastest we've got."

Fury placed a hand over Clint's shoulder. "Calm down, Agent. We'll all go-we'll all bring her back. Now what did she tell you?" he asked.

Clint lowered his eyes. "She couldn't talk much, but she said it's Loki!" he protested.

When Clint had told Nick that Natasha had mentioned Loki before disappearing, Fury thought his agents was going crazy. But when Clint claimed that Loki snapped his arm like a toothpick, Fury had to believe him. "Then we're up against a serious threat," Fury breathed. "I need Stark, Rogers, and Banner to join Agent Barton and Thor," he informed Maria Hill.

….

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but we have none of your medical records, plus we assign medication two days in advance," the Doctor began to explain.

Natasha didn't have two days. She was lucky if she had two hours. "Just don't tell," she pleaded. "This is between us."

"Ma'am, I can't do it. You'll have to wait."

Natasha clenched her fists. "Then I'll do it myself! Bozhe Moi!" she hissed. No one was going to make this easy on her. She turned on her heel and proceeded to leave.

"You'll only hurt yourself," the Doctor informed her. "This is a medical procedure-if you're not careful, you could possibly kill yourself."

Her hand froze over the door handle. "That's why I wanted _you _to do it," she snapped.

"Even so, the anesthesia-"

"I have a high pain tolerance," she informed the Doctor. "Not much fazes me. Believe me, Doc-I won't even whine if it means getting rid of this thing."

The Doctor stared at Natasha for a moment. "You seem awfully desperate. Does your husband know about this?"

"We're not together," Natasha coldly corrected him. "He doesn't even want the thing."

There was a silence within the room. "Remove your pants and take a seat," he instructed Natasha.

"Oh, thank you!" she gasped. Natasha quickly pulled down her pants and underwear. She hopped up onto the paper-covered table while the Doctor locked the door.

"I don't want a word of this mentioned," he warned her. "Since you seem confident, no anesthesia, either. This shouldn't take too long," he added. "Put your feet up here," he instructed as he adjusted the stirrups at the end of the table.

"You're a lifesaver, Doc," she breathed.

"And you're positive you want to go through with this, Natasha?"

"Yeah, believe me, I-" Natasha stopped midsentence. Her name wasn't listed as Natasha here. Her brows furrowed in confusion as she glanced up at the Doctor.

"Oh," he breathed. "It would seem I made a mistake. Forgive me, _Natalie_." The Doctor's voice became deeper and his features began to change. He suddenly became at least thirty years younger with sharp cheekbones and a mischievous smile. His white hair turned to a mess of black locks and his eyes became a familiar shade of green. "You were so close, Natasha," Loki admitted. "But you cannot outrun me."

Natasha's eyes grew wide and before she could scream, Loki leaned over and fastened the ball gag over her mouth. Loki then forced her hands behind her back and secured the handcuffs at her wrists. Her ankles had also been magically fastened to the stirrups.

"I knew the toys would come in handy," he darkly chuckled. Loki positioned himself at Natasha's hips, wearing only a white lab coat. "This should be fun." He smiled widely before thrusting all the way into her.

Natasha let out a muffled scream as she bit down on the ball.

The stirrups made it easier for Loki to thrust into her. "You've broken the rules, Natasha!" he spat as he violently bucked his hips against hers. "You thought you could get rid of me!" he shouted. "You even called upon your beloved Barton!" he spat. "Well, guess who loses the use of their only good arm?" he wickedly cackled.

The only sound to escape Natasha were her muffled grunts. She wanted to tell Loki to break her arm-hell, he could've chopped it off for all she cared! Natasha wanted to beg him to stop, but the gag wouldn't allow for her to say anything coherent. Loki was being rougher than usual with her. Having her wrists locked up behind her back only added to the discomfort.

"Let's see what your friends have to say when they come all the way here to find you gone!" Loki continued. "They'll **never **see you!" he spat. "But _I _will! I'll tear Clint Barton apart limb from limb just to make you regret what you did, bitch!" he hissed as he continued to fuck her. Natasha let out a gagged scream as tears escaped her eyes. Loki licked his lips. "Yes. This is what I want from you-_this_!" Her screams only excited him more. "If only you knew how pathetic you look!" he laughed. "From now on, I'll have you groveling at my feet! I expect you to fear me, quim!" he snarled. His climax was nearing and he thrust faster and deeper. A moan passed his lips as he came. Loki pulled away and marveled at the sight of Natasha lying helplessly atop the table. Tears were falling from her eyes, there was drool on her lips from the ball gag, and her body trembled as his cum dripped from her pussy. Loki was confident in the fact that he had finally broken in the infamous Black Widow.


	21. You've got everybody fooled

**"It never was and never will be**  
**You don't know how you've betrayed me**  
**And somehow you've got everybody fooled"**

**Everybody's Fool ~Evanescence**

"Now then," Loki announced once they were back to his own world. "You're going to stay right here," he said as he threw Natasha into the bed. Chains appeared at every bedpost and wrapped around her wrists and ankles. As much as Natasha struggled, she could barely move. "As for this…" He ripped her stinger bracelet in half and threw it across the room. Loki's eyes met with her cold glare. "Now don't look at me that way," he warned her as he removed the ball gag.

Her mouth was sore from the gag, but she managed to speak her mind. "I hate you!" she screamed at him. "**Hate!**" she snarled.

"That's what I like to hear," he coolly informed her. Natasha thrashed beneath Loki as he placed the gag over her mouth. She let out a long, muffled scream. "Oh, don't worry. I'll be back," he assured her. "After all, I can't leave Clint Barton disappointed."

Natasha's eyes grew wide as Loki was replaced with an exact copy of herself. She continued to scream and kick as much as the chains would allow.

"The resemblance is uncanny, is it not?" Loki asked in Natasha's body with Natasha's voice. "Goodbye, Natasha," the look-alike smirked before disappearing.

….

"Does this place look familiar, Thor?" Clint asked once they landed in a patch of dirt and gravel.

"Of course it does!" he assured the archer. "Over there is where my hammer was left." He pointed his finger towards a large crater in the ground.

"Yeah, but is that where Romanoff is?" Tony asked, adjusting his sunglasses. "We can swap stories after we find her!" Tony warned Thor.

"She mentioned a diner," said Clint. "She said you would know, Thor," he added as the group of five men wandered towards the town.

"What is that?" Thor blinked.

Tony groaned loudly. "Ohhh, he's worse than Capsicle!"

"They serve food," Steve explained, shooting Tony a glare.

"Yeah," Bruce chided in. "Breakfast, coffee-"

"Ah, coffee!" Thor boomed. "Yes, Jane Foster took me to a wonderful place for coffee and flat dough!"

"What?" Steve wondered.

"Pancakes. He means pancakes," Tony said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

After wandering the town for nearly half an hour, they finally found the diner. Clint spotted a familiar shade of red hair at the counter and his smile widened. "Nat!" he exclaimed.

The woman turned and smiled back. "Clint!" Natasha jumped down from her seat and ran to him. She threw her arms around him, making him hiss from the pain in his left arm.

"Sorry!" she exclaimed. Natasha eyed the purple cast the covered almost all of his arm. "What happened?" she worriedly asked.

"Loki," he grunted as he adjusted his sling. "Where is he now, Nat?"

Natasha frowned. Of course the woman blabbed, Loki thought to himself. "He disappeared," she explained.

"To where?" Thor questioned.

"He wouldn't say…"

"You said you were in trouble, Nat!" Clint exclaimed. "You sounded really scared over the phone," he quietly added.

"Romanoff was scared?!" Tony exclaimed. "And you didn't record this?"

"Shut up, Stark!" she scowled.

"I'm just glad you're okay," Clint breathed as he wrapped his good arm around her.

"Can you tell us what happened, Natasha?" Bruce asked.

She shrugged. "Loki kept going on about revenge. He kidnapped me, but then he just up and left."

"Some fighter," Steve remarked.

Natasha clenched her fists at her sides.

"I think he's all talk," Tony remarked.

She shot a glare in Tony's direction.

"Hey, if he shows up, throw him around again!" Tony said to Bruce. "I wanna watch!"

Bruce's nervous chuckle was drowned out by Thor's thunderous laugh.

Soon enough, they were all laughing. All but Loki who remained in Natasha's body. They were mocking him. Every single one of them-including Thor!

"Nat, you okay?" Clint asked. He noticed the look of irritation on her face.

"Fine," she lied with a fake smile. "Just tired." She nuzzled against Clint's chest.

"We should go then, guys," Clint announced to the team, only to find that they were all seated at the front counter.

Thor already had a cup of coffee in hand, while the man working the diner was getting autographs from the others.

"Let's talk outside," Natasha whispered as she tugged on his shirt.

"Sure," he said following after her. "Are you feeling better, Nat?" he asked once they were alone.

"Hmm?" She smiled sweetly for him.

"Before you were taken, you just weren't yourself," Clint told her. "You seem so much better now. Will you tell me what happened back then?" he pleaded.

Natasha placed her hands against his chest. "Let's just put it all behind us."

"C'mon, Nat." He stroked her cheek. "You tell me everything-don't shut me out now. I'm worried," he added. "When you left… I was really scared," he admitted, staring into her emerald eyes. "I thought I'd never see you again…"

"Listen, Clint." She pressed her body up against his. "Before I left, well…Natasha didn't mean any of those nasty things she said to you before she left." A cold breath whispered into Clint's ear. The voice no longer belonged to Natasha.

"Loki!" Clint exclaimed as he shoved her away.

"Clint?" Natasha blinked. "What's wrong?"

"What the hell was that?!" he gasped. He could've sworn he heard Loki's voice… He knew that voice all too well.

"Whatever do you mean?" Natasha's fingers grasped Clint's windpipe as he bashed him against the diner's side wall.

This reminded Clint of when he was under Loki's control. Did Loki somehow get a hold of the Tesseract again? "Is this Loki controlling you?" he asked weakly. The back of his head began to throb.

She grabbed Clint's right forearm and snapped it in half like a twig. Clint howled in pain as he sank to the ground.

"Katniss?" Tony blinked.

"That didn't sound good." Bruce was the first to run outside.

Tony, Steve, Thor, and the diner's owner ran out after Dr. Banner.

Bruce rounded the corner to find Clint crying out. "Clint, what-" The Doctor froze once he saw Clint's arm. The bone was broken in half, leaving the archer's only good arm bent like rubber. "Call 911!" Bruce yelled at the small group. "Clint! Clint, can you hear me?" he asked.

The archer's eyes opened slightly as he writhed in pain.

"Oh my God." The colour drained from Steve's face at the sight of Clint's broken arm.

"That wasn't Romanoff, was it?" Tony asked. "Where the hell is she?"

"L-Loki," Clint grunted.

"Where is he?!" Thor demanded.

Clint couldn't respond. The pain became too much and everything went black.

….

"You've missed quite a show," Loki informed Natasha upon his return. "Let's see how much Barton favours you now that you've broken his only good arm," he taunted.

There was no fighting Loki. She was completely helpless against the god. Her life was officially hell. There was no escape, only eternal damnation. Natasha's head fell in defeat as the tears streamed down her face. In the distance, Loki's laughter was the music to her suffering.


	22. My selfish enemy has the best of me

**"My selfish enemy**  
**Still has the best of me**  
**Empty and feeling numb**  
**Wish I could take it away"**

**Hang On ~Seether**

"What will it take to get you to kill me?" Natasha pleadingly asked once Loki removed the gag. "Please, Loki," she gasped. "Don't let me live like this!"

Loki stared down at the woman chained to the bed. Her eyes were red from crying and her body trembled. The shackles binding her wrists and ankles were leaving blisters and welts. Her legs were spread open, leaving her pussy exposed for his enjoyment. His eyes met with those of the woman he had broken. Had he gone too far? He had claimed her body and broke her spirit. He took away her will to live. "What happened to the Natasha who could move on?" he asked.

"There's nowhere to move on to…" she distantly replied. "You'll always find me."

He crawled over her on the bed and she strained her head. "Let me be your reason to live," he whispered against her messy red hair.

She clenched her jaw. "That only makes me want to die even more!" she retorted.

Loki was pleased to see that she still had some fight left in her. He knew she was strong. "Admit that your hatred for me makes you want to live," he purred.

"When you put it that way, then yes," she hoarsely replied.

"Can you imagine what it must be like to live only knowing of hate?" he asked as his hand trailed along her stomach.

"I'm sure that thing does," she growled. "I hope that makes you happy!"

"Tell me, Natasha," Loki continued. "Would you kill him after he's born?"

"I'd rather do it now."

"However, I said _after _he's born." He laid down beside her on the bed. "You absolutely loathe it, do you not?"

Natasha feared that her answer to his question would later come back to haunt her. Of course she hated the spawn, but murder a baby? Natasha didn't even know if hate was a word to use towards it. Sure, it gave her horrible nausea and was taking up residence in her body, but Loki was the one to put it inside her. If anything, her hatred should have been for Loki and Loki alone. "I…" She paused as she thought back to her dream and to everything Loki had drilled into her head. The child would be a monster like Loki. This was even Loki's experiment-he _wanted_ a monster. "Yes," she boldly stated. There was a certain sparkle of amusement on the god's eyes. "Because I'd rather have it die than suffer with someone like _you_."

"You truly are heartless," Loki crooned as he leaned in to kiss her neck. "I think he should live," he told Natasha. "Just for that very reason. And you, Ms. Romanoff, will be his mother." Natasha forced a laugh. "We will live as a family, forever resenting each other," Loki finished.

"I'll kill myself!" she scoffed. "And if you try any magic crap, I'll just trying."

Loki chuckled softly. "You know I'd never let anything take you away from me." He pressed his mouth against hers and she bit on his lip until he let go. "Here. I'll be generous-try to kill me, Natasha."

The chains that once bound Natasha disappeared. Natasha cautiously sat up and gingerly touched the blisters on her wrists.

Loki's hand reached out and healed one of her wounded wrists.

Natasha realized that this wasn't a trick. With that in mind, Natasha lunged at him, sending him to the floor. She punched him in the face, trying to wipe the smile from his lips. "Bastard!" she growled. She grabbed a fistful of his hair and slammed his head into the floor. Nothing seemed to be fazing him. Dislocating his arm, kicks to the crotch, headlocks… Loki truly was a god. Natasha sat on her haunches, catching her breath. "So stress relief. Is that what this is?" she asked.

"Do you feel better?" he asked as he rose to his feet.

She grabbed one of the old books from a shelf and chucked it at his face. "A little," she admitted.


	23. This ball and chain is all I've known

** "I feel I'm constantly restricted by shackles**  
**This so-called 'ball and chain' is all I've ever known**  
**I've climbed some mountains I thought I'd never tackle**  
**They gave me sense of hope, and most of all, a sense of home"**

**The Audition ~Ether**

Two weeks had passed and Loki had a special schedule in play for both he and Natasha. They would eat breakfast, followed by outdoor sparring. After, Loki would read while Natasha would shower, then try to busy herself until Loki forced her to eat lunch. More sulking for Natasha followed that while Loki studied magic. When evening came, the two would have dinner, and conclude the night with vigorous sex. Afterwards, they would fall asleep and begin everything again.

The morning sparring sessions were the only highlight of Natasha's day. She got to beat up Loki as much as she pleased. Being with him every second of every day had made her more hostile. However, Loki blamed all of her anger on her hormones, which made Natasha even more furious. Overall, there was no better stress relief than in trying to injure a god. Natasha could never beat him, though. She had tried, but to no avail. Her body had begun to tire easily and she wasn't as nimble as she had been. On a more positive note, Natasha felt that the fresh air kept her nausea at bay. She had recently been able to keep all of her food down without needing to vomit.

"You know we can't keep this up much longer," Loki warned Natasha one morning.

"I can do this all day!" she lied with a smirk as she sat down in the snow.

Loki knelt before her with a chuckle. "You're already out of breath, my darling spider."

"Just give me a second!" she warned him in a low growl.

"Admit you're tired." Loki pushed her down onto her back and crawled over her.

She kneed him in the gut, but he wouldn't budge.

His hand reached down and felt the bulge of her stomach. "This is what's holding you back, isn't it?" He smiled as Natasha scowled. "It will only get worse," he taunted. "Your agility has gone down considerably as of late."

"And whose fault is that?" she spat. "Get off. I'm going inside." If Loki was going to further annoy her, she would rather be alone. Natasha took a hot shower, followed by a nap.

_"Nat?" Clint asked. "What the hell is that?"_

_ Natasha looked down to see that he was horrified of the blood-stained bundle in her arms. "Don't talk to my baby that way!" she snapped. She pulled away the blanket to fully reveal the newborn, complete with blue skin, red eyes, and horns atop his head._

She awoke with a start, her breathing uneasy. Another dream-no-another _nightmare._ Natasha was beginning to take every little instance as some kind of a sign. So far, two of her nightmares involved her with a monster for a child. That was the last thing Natasha Romanoff wanted in her life.

"Are you alright?" Loki was sitting in a chair beside the balcony. He had set his book on his lap as he carefully observed Natasha.

"Fine," she lied. Her nightmare hadn't been nearly as bad as the previous. Still, it managed to leave her shaken.

"You seem tense," Loki noticed. He placed the book atop a shelf and approached the bed.

"No!" she warned him. "I don't want you near me!"

The god ignored the warning and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Tell me what's wrong," he urged her.

Natasha drew her knees close to her chest. She didn't want to tell him-she didn't want to tell him anything concerning the privacy of her dreams. Loki had already invaded her daily life. What happened in her dreams was her business, and her business alone.

"Natasha," Loki purred. He leaned forward to kiss her, only to be smacked across the cheek.

"I had a nightmare about this-this _thing_! Leave me the hell alone!" she huffed.

Loki's grin widened. "Poor Natasha. Haunted by her nightmares," he crooned. "Let me make everything better…" He grabbed her chin, forcing their eyes to meet.

"Loki!" She jerked her head away. "Stop it!"

"I do what I want," he whispered into her ear before he pinned her down against the bed.

…..

During Natasha's fourteenth week, she experienced something more terrifying than any of her nightmares. She had been sitting on the couch, skimming through one of Loki's books of magic. She couldn't understand any of the Norse characters, but boredom had gotten the best of her. There was a sudden fluttering sensation in her stomach. It wasn't a nervous twitch-it felt much more tangible to Natasha. The book dropped onto the floor and her hands grabbed the swell of her middle. Her eyes grew wide with terror as she swore she felt _it _move.

"Natasha!" Loki rushed to her side with a look of alarm on his face. "Tell me. What's wrong?" he asked soothingly.

"It's…moving," she said uncomfortably as though it were some disease. In some ways, that was exactly what the child was… A tapeworm, a bacteria… something eating away at her, ruining her…

An all-too calming smile spread across his lips. "Isn't that wonderful?"

Natasha couldn't help but feel haunted by those words. This was far from wonderful. This was a living nightmare.

"Is he moving right now?" Loki excitedly wondered. He began to feel her stomach, hoping to feel something, as well.

"No…" She was still shaken by having the monster move. It was as though it was telling her that it was alive and well.


	24. Someone to bruise and leave behind

**A/N: Many a thanks to the reviewers! It always makes me very happy, so thank you! And thanks to all my readers and followers and favers!**

**"Like the naked leads the blind.**  
**I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.**  
**Sucker love I always find,**  
**Someone to bruise and leave behind."**

**Every You Every Me ~Placebo**

"Why don't you tell me about yourself?" Natasha asked Loki amidst breakfast.

Loki raised a brow. "Why the sudden curiosity?" he wondered as he cut up a slice of meat on his plate.

"You seem to know everything about me," she remarked. "I'd like to know something about you, besides the fact that you're crazy." Loki began to chuckle. "I wasn't joking," she dryly noted.

"Well, what would you like to know?" he asked, sitting back in his chair.

Natasha stared down at her empty plate. Since Loki kept giving her bullshit responses as to why he _really _wanted a baby, she decided to try asking about his own life. "What were you like growing up?" she finally asked.

"What makes you bring up my own past?"

"You've actually _seen_ my past. Fair is fair, Loki." She sat back and crossed her legs. Thor had said he was adopted, but Natasha knew there had to be more. People weren't as damaged as Loki unless they experienced some kind of traumatic event that changed them. Natasha was a perfect example. She was once a young girl, confident that she was a dancer, only to find that she was really a trained killer.

"No," he replied without a second thought.

"Why?" she demanded, beating her fist against the wooden table. "Why is it that you seem to know everything about my life, while all _I _get to know is that you're insane!" she shouted. Natasha rose from the table and threw her knife towards Loki's eye.

Loki easily caught the utensil between his fingers before it could stab him. "You have Agent Barton to blame for telling me every deep dark secret," he reminded her.

"Only because **you **were controlling him!" she approached Loki and grabbed the collar of his black leather overcoat.

"You best let go, Natasha," Loki warned her.

"Not until you tell me _something _about yourself!" she demanded. "Do you even know how frustrating it is to be stuck with you every second?!" She began to tug on his collar, bringing his face closer to hers. "How do you think I feel being all alone? Do you even know what that's like?!" she cried.

"I know that feeling better than you ever will!" Loki spat back. He turned the tables against her as he grabbed her by the neck. "I know just how cruel loneliness can be! Do you not think I feel your pain?!" he shouted. "My life has been nothing but pain!" Tears had begun to form in the corners of his eyes. "Do you so _desperately _yearn for answers of my past? Do you?!" His thumb pressed against the woman's temple.

"Loki, let me go!" she managed.

"All my life, the only thing I've ever known is what it's like to be second best! Unlike you- the Red Room's _finest _agent! You were their pride!"

"Loki, stop it!" Natasha didn't want to be reminded of that awful place. She grabbed his wrist and tried to fight him off.

"I was just a shadow! Then, I learn that my whole life, I was **lied **to!"

Natasha's body tensed at his words, not out of fear, but understanding. Deep down, she and Loki were more alike than she ever cared to imagine…

"I learned that I'm a monster! No one gives a damn about me!" he shouted. "Not even the one I called my Brother!" Loki thought back to his trip to Midgard while disguised as Natasha and Thor's booming laughter echoed in his head. "I have nothing-**nothing!**" he cried as he shook her.

"Nothing but the baby," Natasha choked out. Loki shoved her aside. "Is that what this is about?" There was a hint of concern in Natasha's voice. Loki just wanted the child so he could have something of his own… Natasha felt a pang of regret in her chest as she came to the conclusion. Loki had a reason for his madness, he—

"My child will know the pain I feel!" The tears fell from his eyes. "He will know pain! He will know what it means to hate!"

"Will you listen to yourself?!" Natasha gave him a swift smack across his cheek. Loki's hand fell from her throat. "Do you think taking your anger out on a baby will make you feel better?" she demanded with tears in her eyes. Natasha was seething with anger. Right when she thought she could finally understand Loki, she was wrong. It was always one step forward and two steps back with him. "Do you?!" she shouted. When he didn't respond, she turned on her heel and began to walk away. She stopped when she reached the room's entryway. "I know how you feel, Loki," she quietly began. "But you don't understand yourself at all. And if you don't, then you really are a monster. Not the person you really are-that you with the blue skin isn't the monster. You chose to make yourself a monster." Natasha stormed off to the bedroom. She needed to be alone-to be away from the monster.

"_That you with the blue skin isn't the monster. You chose to make yourself a monster."_ Loki was floored by Natasha's words. He fell into the nearest chair with a hand covering his face. She didn't see his Jotun form as a monster? If not, then Natasha Romanoff would have been the only one to see that… Loki couldn't have that. He was a monster and Natasha needed to see that. The corners of his lips turned up in a smile. He would certainly have to change that.

…..

Natasha heard the bedroom door open and she pulled the covers over her head. "Go away!" she shouted as she curled into a ball for warmth. Natasha didn't want to face Loki, especially after he made her feel like a fool. He made her think that he was like her-lost... The comforter was ripped away from Natasha's body before she could even react. "I said leave m-!" Her words faltered as she found herself staring into eyes the colour of blood.

Loki had reverted to his Jotun form, completely naked to expose his true self to her. "Did I frighten you?" Loki asked as he straddled her hips.

She flinched as his touch burned her delicate skin. "No," she confidently told him. "Is this you trying to prove something?" she wondered. "Because I meant what I said." Her determined eyes stared into his. "This isn't the monster," she soothingly assured him. "The monster is who you are deep down…" She reached up to gingerly stroke his icy cheek.

The warmth of her fingers made his chest tighten. Was she really unafraid of his Jotun form? "You were terrified of this the last time," he reminded her.

"I guess that was before I saw a different side to you," she shrugged.

Loki shot her a playful grin. "Looks like I'll have to change your opinion of me."

"Why?! Loki-don't-" Before she could finish, Loki was already removing her pants. "Stop it!" she yelled, kicking him in the neck.

"I don't see why you bother trying, Natasha," he warned her. "Look at all that I've done to you-I've made you with child, stolen you from your home, crushed the bone's in Barton's arms…Not to mention I've showed you memories you thought were lost."

"Please!" she begged. "Stop!"

"Not until you see me for what I am," he warned her with a low growl. "A monster." He leaned down to kiss her inner thigh.

Natasha shuddered and locked her legs around his neck. Her attempt at snapping his neck was cut short as he began leaving a trail of kisses towards her center. She grabbed his hair and began to pull as hard as she could. The cool air from breath against her core made her let go with a loud gasp.

"So sensitive," he hummed against her lower lips.

Natasha could feel his sly grin as his cold lips pressed against her pussy. "S-stop!" she gasped, her toes curling. Loki delicately nipped at her clit. "Stop it!" she yelled, beating her fists against his shoulders. "I-" He slipped his tongue inside of her, cold and wet. Natasha groaned and dug her nails into his shoulders.

Loki's tongue slid deeper into her inner walls. He flicked his tongue and Natasha began to moan. His tongue hit against her most sensitive area until Natasha came, moaning his name. Loki lapped up her salty juices, making Natasha groan Russian curses. He pulled away and wiped the traces of her fluids from his lips.

Natasha stared up at him, trying to catch her breath and stop the shaking in her legs. Although it was unwanted, she wasn't about to admit that he knew how to please her.

"Now that you're dripping wet," he smiled and his hand grabbed his hard cock.

Natasha was still trying to recover from her orgasm when Loki thrust inside of her. "Oh, god!" She wrapped her arms around his neck, ignoring the way his Frost Giant form made her skin feel raw from the cold. "So much for wanting me to hate you," she gasped.

"Then is this love?" he whispered into her ear as he bucked his hips.

"Wha-?" Natasha was caught off guard by his question. Her entire body tensed up. Loki groaned as her walls tightened around his cock. "Get off!" Natasha suddenly shouted. She tried to weasel out from under the god.

"Natasha…" he breathed as he pulled out of her. "You know it was all in jest."

The assassin shot him a furious glare. "Was it?!" she exclaimed. "Because you sounded serious!" she huffed.

He raised a brow. "Are you taking offense to the accusation?" Natasha lowered her eyes. "Do you love me, Natasha?" he innocently asked.

"Of course not!" she scowled as she pulled the comforter close to her shivering body.

Loki began to quietly chuckle. "So you admit it. You don't love a monster like me. You said you weren't afraid of this," he said as he directed his hand towards his pale blue flesh.

"I'm **not **afraid of that!" she yelled back. "But I don't love **you**! Even without the blue, I don't love you!"

Loki's naturally pale skin began to erase the traces of blue. "Then what is it?" he questioned. "If it's not love, what do you call your feelings towards me?"

Natasha wasn't sure how to answer his question. She didn't love him, that was for sure. Hate felt too strong, though. There was much she needed to learn about him before she could make any final decisions. "I don't know," she quietly replied.

"Until you can decide without any hesitation, you hate me," Loki answered.

"Is this mutual?"

After a brief pause, he replied. "Yes."

"And this?" she asked with a hand over her middle.

Loki was gone from the bedroom before he could give an answer.

Natasha couldn't recall the last time she had ever felt so alone, other than tonight. As she lay in bed, sore and shivering from Loki's Jotun side, she felt foolish for letting him use her. Did Loki even see her as a person? Did he simply view her as the mother to his unborn child? So far, Natasha Romanoff was treated like his toy. She couldn't help but feel bothered by the fact that he hated her. Natasha had every right to hate him for everything he had done, yet deep down, what she felt towards him wasn't hatred. It **definitely** wasn't love. There were times when she could feel herself wanting him in a romantic sense, but that was only because he was violating her in the most erotic way. Whatever the feeling between love and hate was were her feelings towards the trickster. Some days, though, the scale would tip. Most days, Natasha would want to kill him. But there were days such as today that made her like him more than she would have liked to.


	25. Try to find out what makes you tick

**"Try to find out what makes you tick.**  
**As I lie down**  
**Sore and sick.**  
**Do you like that?**  
**Do you like that?"**

**The Diary of Jane ~Breaking Benjamin**

"Did you sleep well last night?" Loki asked over breakfast.

Natasha refused to answer. Her slightly burnt toast and bowl of fruit were far more interesting to her.

"I'm glad to see you enjoying breakfast," he noted.

She bit into her toast and slowly chewed. It wasn't polite for a lady to talk with food in her mouth, after all.

…..

"Did you want to go outside for a bit?" Loki wondered as he watched her lazing around on the couch with a book.

Natasha didn't even bother to glance up at the god. She had just opened up a book on Asgardian history and wanted to examine every page, every detail.

Loki took a seat beside her. "You and I both know you can't read that writing," he informed her matter-of-factly.

She looked for similar characters amidst the page she was on. So far, she guessed that she may have deciphered the letter 'A.'

"Natasha." Loki grabbed the book, but Natasha scowled and refused to let go. The silent treatment was beginning to get on the god's nerves. He wasn't going to give up, though. Loki knew what made the spy tick. His hand reached out to feel her stomach.

Natasha felt _it _begin to flutter about and she nearly jumped. Despite how the movements tickled, she couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. Especially since it seemed to react to Loki's touch. The thing seemed to know who its daddy was…

"Did he move again?" Loki hopefully asked.

"You hate it. Don't get so excited," Natasha warned him in an expressionless tone.

"I never said that," he reminded her.

"You implied it." She snapped the book shut and set it on the couch's armrest.

"What was there to imply? I gave you no answer."

"Then tell me now. You hate the thing, don't you?" she asked, folding her arms across her chest.

"That 'thing' is our child," Loki reminded her. "Honestly, Natasha, you're his mother."

She stared up at Loki from beneath her long lashes. "So you love it?"

"Well, I won't know until after he's born," he stubbornly answered.

"You're avoiding the question, Loki." Natasha leaned over and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Do you love it, or hate it. You were able to say that you hated me without any trouble."

Loki grabbed her by the hips and gently pinned her down on the couch. "For now, there's only hatred between the three of us. How else will the child grow to be someone feared?"

Natasha wiggled out from under him. She sat up and crossed her legs. "You say the same things over and over," she began. "It's getting old, just like this place."

"Would you care for a change of scenery?" he asked with a smile.

"Oh, **now** you ask me!" she huffed. "Yeah, I would, actually."

"Actually…" A smile played upon his lips. "There's someone I'd like to visit."

"Unless they live in New York, I don't care," she scoffed.

"Oh, I think you'd _like _her, Natasha," Loki informed her. "She's a feisty one like you."

"'Her?'" she blinked. "What is she? An ex who thought you were batshit crazy and dumped you?" she mused.

"She's simply an old friend," he told her. "I believe a meeting is in order." He grabbed Natasha's hand and the couple vanished.

….

They appeared to be standing in the center of a grand chamber room. It reminded Natasha of the Russian palaces she had visited on several occasions. The vast room was dimly lit with dark-coloured furniture that matched the dreary mood.

"I'd like to see what this 'friend' is like," she sarcastically remarked. "Where are we, anyways?"

"Hel." Loki began to walk down a candle-lit corridor.

"Wait, _Hell_?" Natasha hurried after him.

"Hela?" Loki called out as they entered a different chamber.

At the far end of the room, there was a silver throne. Upon it sat the silhouette of a figure. On their head was some kind of mask with horns branching out in every direction. The figure rose and began to approach the couple. "It's been quite a while, Loki," said a woman's voice. She stepped out from the shadows to reveal her odd headpiece that rested upon her head of long black hair. "What brings you here, Loki?" The woman happened to notice Natasha standing closely behind him. "And with a Midgardian, no less."

"I am to be a Father," he proudly announced.

"A father?" Hela repeated in amazement.

Loki stepped aside to introduce Natasha. "Hela, this is Natasha."

Hela smiled upon seeing Natasha's glare. "She certainly looks charming."

Natasha grimaced. The woman reminded her of Loki, in a way. She had long black hair that ran past her hips, green eyes, and a green and black gown...she also seemed cocky. If anything, Natasha was sensing a female Loki vibe from her. "You two seem perfect for each other," she snidely remarked.

"Do we now?" Loki raised a brow.

"You must have your hands full," Hela giggled. She adjusted her emerald cloak around her shoulders.

"Has he always been a jerk?" Natasha asked the stranger.

"I think I like her, Loki," Hela smiled.

Loki began to chuckle. "Well, I'm glad to hear that. Natasha is in need of some company."

Natasha shrugged. "Anyone's better than you, as of now," she remarked to Loki.

Hela placed her hands on her hips as she approached Loki. "So you travel all this was to tell me of a child and show off your bride? It's been far too long, Loki-we have _quite _a bit of catching up to do!"

"I'm not his bride!" Natasha laughed. "Please," she muttered under her breath.

"Perhaps one day," Loki added.

"Oh, you're **joking**!" Natasha folded her arms across her chest.

"Oh, dear. Have I upset the happy couple?" Hela asked, bringing a finger to her black lips.

"I'd be more worried if we _weren't _fighting," Natasha informed Hela.

Hela smiled at the red-head. "I'm interested in hearing of how you two came to be. Shall we sit and have tea?"

"No drinks," Loki warned her.

"Midgardian. Yes," Hela reminded herself.

Natasha stared between the two in curiosity. "Am I not supposed to be here?" she wondered.

Loki placed a hand against the small of her back. "You're my guest, so you'll be fine."

The raven-haired woman began to giggle. "You know I won't try to kill her, Loki. She's obviously of importance to you."

"Wait-kill me?" Natasha interjected.

"This is my realm. I oversee the souls of the damned," she explained. "This is death's domain, sweetie. If I'm not careful, I could kill you with just one touch." Hela's long, delicate finger reached out and barely brushed against Natasha's cheek.

Loki instinctively pulled Natasha closer to his chest. "Be on your best behaviour, Hela." There was a hard edge to Loki's voice.

"But of course…" Hela proceeded to lead the couple to her study. She seated herself in a leather armchair while Loki sat beside Natasha on a dark velvet Victorian couch. "So tell me how you two came to be…"

Loki did most of the talking, starting with his containment on Midgard. Natasha didn't care-she was far more preoccupied in staring at the walls lined with books, paintings of worlds she had never seen before, and the mahogany coffee table before them.

"A monster?" Hela asked.

Those were the only words to catch Natasha's interest.

"That's cold, Loki."

Loki smiled darkly. "I don't think it's possible for Natasha and I to create something without flaws."

"Well, with a father and mother as attractive as yourselves, I'm sure he'd grow to be _very_ handsome."

Unless blue skin and red eyes were attractive. Maybe it would have horns like in her dream. Maybe a tail… Natasha stopped herself in fear of making her be even more terrified of the thing inside her.

"Well, if it _is _a son, then I'd gladly be his wife," Hela beamed.

Natasha rolled her eyes. The thing wasn't even born and already had a fiancé.

Loki chuckled at the request. "Did you hear that, Natasha? Our son will grow up to rule over Hel."

His life was already going to _be _hell, Natasha thought to herself. "Great," she drawled. The Hel-woman could have it. She could care less.


	26. I've hit another dead end

**"Look at the sky**  
**As the night descends**  
**The rain is crashing down,**  
**I've hit another dead end**  
**Just before I let hope slip away**  
**A shadow is revealed, the devil shows his face"**

**To Be Scared By An Owl ~Alesana**

Loki and Hela had continued to converse about the past. Natasha felt left out of everything-not that she cared. She wasn't quite interested in what the god of mischief and Hel herself had to say. If she could get Hela alone, then she might be able to get some answers about Loki. Until then, Natasha was the third wheel. Her eyelids began to droop and she soon fell asleep with her head against Loki's shoulder.

"It seems as though we've bored her," Hela noticed.

"So we have." Loki wrapped his arm around Natasha's shoulders.

A smile formed across Hela's pretty face. "So tell me, Loki-what draws you to this one?"

Loki lowered his eyes as he stared down at Natasha's sleeping form. "She and I both have our share of tragedies," he quietly began. "We both lie. We kill. She's just as flawed as I," he continued in a distant voice.

Hela giggled. "Well, I can see why you're in love with her, then."

Loki shook his head. "No. This isn't anything of the sort," Loki calmly explained, meeting her gaze. "This is simply two lost creatures creating something just like them…"

"You certainly seem fond of her, Loki," Hela noticed. "Is this the beginning of a new love that I'm seeing?"

"I won't allow for that." He gave Natasha's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "I refuse to fall in love. Though sometimes, I feel that _she_ is the one falling and I'm forced to do awful things to her."

"You _want_ her to hate you?" the dark-haired goddess asked in surprise.

"Exactly. What point is there in love?" Loki wondered. "It never lasts. Hatred eventually seeps through and leaves feelings of passion in ruins."

"Always the cynic, aren't you, Loki?" Hela rose from her seat and approached Natasha. "If you don't want her, Loki, then I'll gladly take her off your hands." She reached out to touch Natasha's face, only to have Loki grab her by the arm.

"She's mine!" Loki snarled.

Hela sat down on Loki's lap. "You said that you feel she's falling for you. Why would that be? She doesn't seem too fond of you, in my opinion…" Hela eyed Natasha in her peripheral vision.

"She thinks she knows me better than I know myself," he admitted. "She doesn't even think of my Jotun half as something to be feared…"

"Why don't you just admit that you're in love with the girl?" A well-manicured hand traced over Loki's chest plate. "Your heart just _aches _being with her," she drawled. Loki shot her a defiant glare. "Oh, dear Loki, _you're _the one whose fallen in love!" she giggled. Loki fell silent. "Your tongue says hatred, yet your heart _yearns _for her love."

"Hela!" he snapped. "Enough!"

"Have I upset you, Loki?" she smirked as she stood up.

Loki carefully laid Natasha's head against a cushion before he got off of the couch. "Keep her safe here. I have errands to tend to." He turned on his heel and made his way to the double doors.

"What business have you in my realm?"

"Not your realm," said Loki. "Another…"

…

_"Don't you love me, Nat?" Clint asked._

_Of course I do, Natasha wanted to say. "No. I love Loki…" The words, however, came out all wrong. _

_"Why do you love him?"_

_I __**don't**__, Natasha wanted to yell. "He's just like me, Clint. We both lie. We kill. He's just as flawed as I…"_

Natasha awoke with a start. The new surroundings only made her more panicked. She bolted upright, eyes scanning the room.

"Are you alright, dear?" Hela asked, leaning over the back of the couch.

That's right… She was in Hela's world with Loki. Speaking of Loki-he was nowhere to be seen. "Where's Loki?" she asked, ignoring Hela's question.

"Out," the goddess answered. "Why? Did you need him?"

"No." Natasha shook her head. "No, I'm fine." She ran a hand through her hair and noticed Hela accompany her on the couch. "Do you always watch people sleep?" Natasha asked in annoyance.

"There is no sleep for the souls of Hel," she explained. "However, I'm sure anyone would be curious to hear someone sleep talking…"

"Was I?" Natasha's face flushed.

"'Loki, Loki!' You would whisper!" Hela taunted.

"Shit," Natasha muttered as she lowered her head. She never talked in her sleep before-what if Loki had overheard at one point? They slept in the same bed nearly every night.

Hela giggled at the embarrassment on Natasha's face. "Were you dreaming about him?"

Natasha glared at her and recalled her dream. "More like a nightmare…" She took a moment to realize that she was free-there was no Loki in sight! She was alone with an old friend of his-someone who must have known Loki's past. "You've known each other a while, right?"

"Nearly a century, perhaps," Hela guessed. "As you can tell, we rarely get a chance to play catch up."

"So how well do you know him?" Natasha continued.

Hela raised a brow. "In which sense of the word? Intimately, _very _well."

Natasha rolled her eyes. Loki couldn't copulate with a fellow goddess, instead of her? "He hates Odin," Natasha recalled. "Know anything about that?"

"Oh, of course," Hela smiled as she tucked her slender legs beneath her. "Loki recently learned of his adoption only because he discovered that he had Jotun blood in his veins."

"Jotun?" Natasha repeated. "The blue-ice thing?"

"He tells me you're not afraid of him in that form…"

Natasha shrugged. "It was weird at first." Terrifying was the proper word. She didn't want to tell Hela about any of the awful things Loki had done to her, especially in that form. "Cold…"

Hela began to laugh. "If it weren't for his child in you, you'd be dead."

"He mentioned that," Natasha added. "I don't know-Loki just thinks that that side of him is a monster…"

"Isn't it?" Hela asked. "The Frost Giants are a race to be feared."

Natasha lowered her eyes. A race to be feared… so Loki really _was _supposed to be a monster of some kind. Then his child would be the same… That was what Loki wanted. "So after he found out…" Natasha continued.

. "The news broke poor Loki's heart," Hela explained. "Odin was of no help to him-the untimely Odinsleep took its toll."

"So his dad died?" she asked.

"Oh no, he's alive-Odin just needs to enter a long period of sleep to recharge-who knows," Hela shrugged. "It was bad timing on Loki's part, though. He ended up keeping it a secret from Thor. Then Loki came to me-he looked like a wreck!" she added. "He told me of his banishment and that he had been travelling to different worlds, experiencing tortures… Then he left to Midgard, I presume," the goddess finished.

Loki had been lied to, just as she had been. Natasha could understand how it must have felt for him go on with life, only to realize the cold hard truth. They were alike in that respect… "So that's what's made him into who he is now?"

"Well, Loki's always been the jealous type. Jealous of Thor-sibling rivalry. Learning of his parentage is surely what turned his sadness into hatred."

Natasha fell silent as Hela's words sank in. All she could think of was a young Loki, hurt and internally suffering. Natasha knew how easily sadness could become rage. She knew because it happened to her. After realizing that she spent her life brainwashed, she went rogue. If not for Clint to snap her out of it, Natasha Romanoff could have ended up just like Loki. "Thank you… for telling me this," she distantly replied.

"To think Loki said you didn't love him!" she laughed.

"I don't!" Natasha replied in a low growl. This was starting to feel like her dream... Natasha didn't love Loki. She could empathise with him, and that was all. It felt that any time Natasha _tried _to get close, he would purposely push her away. That was what Loki wanted, though. All for the sake of bringing up a child who would never know love.

"It doesn't seem that way, in my opinion," she informed Natasha. "I'll give you a tip, Natasha," Hela began, "don't fall in love with him."

She shook her head. "If you want Loki, then take him-please!" she scoffed. "He's all yours!"

"Really now?" Hela asked with a devious smile.

"I'd rather die than be with him," Natasha sulked.

"Well _that _can be arranged…"

Natasha's eyes met with Hela's dark green ones. Hela had told Natasha that she could kill her… Perhaps Natasha could end things here and now. "Can you kill this thing, instead?" she asked with a hand against her middle.

"The child? Of course… Is that what you really want, Natasha?" Hela asked with a brow raised.

"Loki and I don't want it. You can take it…"

Hela smiled sweetly at Natasha. "I'll forewarn you that I can take the child after its birth. I wouldn't want to take you along with it."

Natasha's eyes fell as she thought the compromise through. Losing the child would free both her and an innocent baby's suffering. She could always convince Loki that it wasn't meant to be… The only con would be her having to live with the monster continuing to grow inside of her. Then there was the birth… Natasha finally met with Hela's gaze after a brief silence. "Deal."


	27. My whole world surrounds you

** "Everything's so blurry**  
**and everyone's so fake**  
**and everybody's empty**  
**and everything is so messed up**  
**pre-occupied without you**  
**I cannot live at all**  
**My whole world surrounds you**  
**I stumble then I crawl"**

**Blurry ~Puddle of Mud**

Loki didn't return until late in the night. Natasha had once again fallen asleep on the couch when he arrived. "Natasha." He grabbed her shoulder and she awoke with a gasp.

"Don't do that!" she groggily warned him.

"Time to go," Loki told her.

"You're not gonna say bye to your friend?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.

He smiled. "Did you and Hela have a chance to bond?"

'Bonding' wasn't the word Natasha would have used. She got the information on Loki that she wanted. She even made a deal with the devil. Loki didn't need to know that, though… When Natasha thought about it, Hela never told her what she wanted in exchange for the spawn's life. "She let me stay here," Natasha shrugged. "I should thank her."

"Very well, then," Loki agreed. "I was gone all day. I figured you would have been famished."

With the traces of sleep gone, Natasha was beginning to feel hungry. "Yeah." She followed Loki back to the chamber room where Hela sat upon her throne.

"Back already, Loki?" Hela asked.

"Yes," he began. "And we'll be leaving now."

"Already?" she wondered. "Well, you're welcome back anytime."

"Hela," Natasha cut in. "The…_advice _you gave me earlier." Her hand rested against her stomach. "Do you want anything in return?"

Hela's grin widened as she eyed the red-head. "Not at all. I'm interested in seeing how things unfold."

"Thanks," Natasha quickly added.

Loki grabbed Natasha's hand. "Goodbye, Hela," he said before they disappeared.

"'Advice?'" Loki wondered once they were back in Loki's bedroom.

Natasha began to play it cool. "She told me how to deal with you if you get to be too much of a pain."

"Care to share?" he asked with a smirk.

"It's just between us girls," she playfully remarked. "So where were you all day?"

"I needed to clear my mind," he explained as he led her down to the dining hall.

"Woah, wait!" Natasha walked out in front of Loki and stopped, standing in his way. "_You _need to clear your mind?! _You _need to get away from_ me?!_" she demanded.

"I can't trust you alone, Natasha," he warned her.

She groaned loudly. "Oh, shut up!"

"I fear you might kill yourself," he explained.

"And leaving me in hell with a lady who could kill with one touch _doesn't _scare you?" she demanded.

"I trusted Hela in taking care of you and she did," Loki coldly warned her.

"She did, don't worry," she snorted as she folded her arms across her chest.

Loki frowned. "I don't care for your tone."

"What do you have to worry about, Loki? Hela took** great** care of me," she sarcastically drawled. "I found someone to adopt your baby so it won't have to deal with a father like **you**!"

"You what?" His eyes grew wide and Natasha couldn't help but notice the traces of a childish helplessness.

Maybe 'adopt' wasn't the best word to use…

Loki felt a pang in his chest. "Why?" Natasha could see tears forming in his eyes. "Why would you do this?"

"Just because you dealt with a lot of pain in your life doesn't mean this thing should." She had to try reasoning with the god.

"How would you know what I've been through?!" he demanded. Suddenly, it hit him. "Hela told you," he stated. There was an unreadable expression on his face.

"She only told me what you've been avoiding!"

Loki struck her across the cheek before she could provoke him any further. His jaw was clenched as he bared his teeth. "And even after learning what I had to suffer through, you went and gave her my child's life!" he shouted.

When Loki put it that way, he made Natasha feel like _she _was the monster. "This is no different from what you do to me!" she argued. "You had no reason to even _touch _Clint!" she hissed. "This is me getting revenge, Loki! Do you know how much you've hurt _me_?!" she screamed. "You're not the only one who's hurting, Loki!" She punched him in the gut. "Get out of my sight you fucking monster!" she spat.

Loki disappeared before Natasha's very eyes.

"Run away! Fucking coward!" she yelled after him. Seething with rage, Natasha stormed off to the bedroom. She jumped into the bed and pulled the covers over her head. "Damn Loki," she growled. "Damn monster thing!" she hissed as she punched her stomach. It didn't take long for Natasha's rage to turn to tears. She was angry with Loki, starving, alone… Alone. Natasha didn't know why she felt alone. She didn't need Loki-she didn't need him at all. Tears fell from her eyes as a pang of regret washed over her. She wondered if she had taken things too far with Loki. After all, she did hurt him. But he hurt her… It was a never ending cycle of hurting one another. It made her realize that in the end, they were all monsters...


	28. I don't want to fall in love

**"No, I don't want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)  
No, I don't want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)  
With you (This world is only gonna break your heart)"**

**Wicked Game ~Gemma Hayes (original lyrics by Chris Isaak)**

"Hela, we need to talk," Loki announced the second he appeared in her chamber room.

"Back so soon, Loki?" Hela wondered. "And no Natasha?" She rose from her throne.

"Hela, if you take my child's life, I'll never forgive you!" he warned her.

Hela began to giggle. "So she told you?"

"She didn't know what she was saying, Hela!" Loki explained quickly. "Natasha spoke out of spite!"

"Oh, I think she meant every word, Loki," she grinned.

Loki's eyes narrowed. "What is it you want, Hela?"

The goddess brought a finger to her pouty lips. "What makes you think I want something?" she innocently asked.

"Hela, please," Loki begged. "Don't take my child from me…" He looked to be on the verge of a breakdown.

"Tell me why, Loki," she beckoned. "Why the sudden need for a child? The real reason, Loki," she added. "You've never seemed fond of children before…"

"I already explained this to you."

"None of this 'monster' talk," she warned him as she placed her hands against his chest. "Natasha clearly doesn't want the poor dear. Why not ask some other woman-you're a very handsome man, Loki. You shouldn't bother to settle for just her."

"I don't want any other woman," said Loki quietly. "I've chosen her."

"Care to tell me why?"

"She's just like me. There isn't another like her," he explained. "She will be the Mother to my children and together, we'll rule the nine realms. It will be my family to bring Ragnarok."

"A bold move, Loki," Hela chimed in. "But don't think you're taking over and destroying _my _domain!"

"Always territorial," Loki chuckled. "If you spare my child's life, then I'll leave Hel in your care."

"You have a deal, then."

There was a light in Loki's eyes. "Really?"

"Only because I know you're powerful enough to bring about Ragnarok." She stroked him under the chin. "Promise me, Loki, that you won't succumb to love, though."

"You know I'm not that weak," he reminded her.

"You've been blinded, my Loki. Blinded by love!" She wrapped her slender arms around his neck. "I warned your poor Natasha not to fall, but she has."

Loki perked up at the notion. "No. She doesn't," he mournfully added.

"She's falling just as hard as you are," Hela taunted. "Don't let her love ruin you, Loki. I'm beginning to miss the hatred in you."

Loki fell silent. Was Natasha in love? Was _he _in love? He certainly felt an attraction towards the spy, but love was a whole other level. Loki didn't want love. He didn't need love. In the end, he would only end up hurting as he always did… Love wasn't meant for monsters. "I should go now," he told the goddess.

"Back to your dear Natasha?" she playfully wondered.

"To be alone…"

….

One week had passed and Natasha hadn't seen Loki. She had looked everywhere, but there was no sign of him. He had to have been _somewhere_, though. Every morning, afternoon, and evening, Natasha would find a meal for her in the dining room. Wherever Loki was, he was thinking of her. Rather, his child… She wasn't worried, though. It was actually nice to be on her own. Natasha had to cherish her freedom while it lasted because she knew Loki would return. There wasn't much to do, though. Natasha became easily bored while stuck there. With nothing else better to do, she spent her time sleeping.

_Natasha followed the sound of gunshots into a ballet studio. She held her gun close, finger on the trigger as she neared the source of the noise. Before her stood a young girl with her back turned towards the spy. Natasha couldn't shake the feeling that she knew this girl from somewhere. The child had long, curly red hair, just like Natasha. She advanced towards the girl and noticed the dead body of a man on the ground. Blood was everywhere, including the little girl's pink ballet flats. "You need to get out of here." Natasha grabbed the child's hand, only to realize that it was the child holding the gun. "Put that down-it's dangerous!" _

_"Don't touch me, Mommy!" she growled._

_"I'm not your mo-" She grabbed the little red-head's shoulder and turned her around. Natasha's eyes grew wide as she stared into the girl's blood red eyes. The child pointed her gun in between Natasha's eyes and pulled the trigger._

Natasha abruptly awoke, screaming and sweating. She hugged her arms close to her chest as she tried to recover from her latest nightmare. "Just a bad dream, Romanoff," she whispered to herself. The blood-red eyes of the little girl haunted Natasha. She felt that her dreams were trying to tell her something… Was that what the child was to look like? Loki seemed so sure of himself that it was a boy. Maybe it _was_ a little girl. A monster, nonetheless. She drew her knees close to her chest. Would it try to kill her one day? "Fuck," she gasped. The nightmare seemed all-too real-they all did. Natasha didn't want to die-especially not at the hands of Loki's spawn. She didn't realize that she was crying until she could taste salt on the corners of her lips. Looking out towards the balcony window, Natasha could see that it was still dark out. She couldn't go back to sleep-especially not after that nightmare. Natasha didn't want to be alone now. She was terrified, especially since her only company was the thing inside of her causing bad dreams. "Loki," she sniffed as she buried her face between her knees. How desperate was she to call out his name? Her body continued to shiver and she pulled the blankets close to her. "Please," she helplessly breathed.

"Natasha?"

She quickly looked towards the doorway at the sound of Loki's voice. "I-" Her voice faltered as she broke down in more tears.

Loki sat on the edge of the bed. Before he could say anything, Natasha threw herself at him and sobbed into his chest.

"Where have you been?" she asked in between choked sobs. "Where?!" she demanded.

Loki began to stroke her hair. "I thought you didn't want to see me," he quietly replied.

"That doesn't mean I wanted to be alone!" She smacked her balled-up fist against his chest. Alone. That was how Loki on the inside. She, too, felt alone, though Natasha was skilled at hiding her emotions. But something inside Natasha forced those walls to come tumbling down. Now, more than ever, she wanted the company of another-of someone who could understand her and how she felt. "I-I'm sorry," she gasped. "I didn't mean it."

"I should be the one to apologize," he whispered. "I've been awful to you. Truly awful."

Natasha grasped the lapels of his leather overcoat. "We both have. But this is what you want, right?" she sniffed. "We're both monsters. And so is she…"

"'She?'" Loki asked curiously.

"I…" Natasha wiped her eyes with her hand. "I had a dream-this isn't the first time, either…"

"Of a daughter?" he asked.

"She pointed a gun at me," Natasha began in a monotone. "She killed me."

"Oh, Natasha." Loki pulled her against him. "You mustn't worry about that."

"I know," she said. "Because Hela will kill whatever it is…"

"No," Loki warned her. "She won't."

"What?" Natasha stared up at him in confusion.

A calm smile formed across Loki's lips. "I've convinced her otherwise."

"NO!" Natasha screamed, punching him in the chest. "No-Loki, I don't want this-this _thing!_"

"That 'thing' in my son!" he exclaimed. "Or daughter-Nonetheless, it is ours!"

"Why can't you just end this?" Natasha asked. "Until this thing is born and kills me, all we're gonna do is fight!" she whined. "We always fight and I hate you, just when I think I might-" she stopped herself.

"Might what?" he asked, hoping for her to continue.

Natasha lowered her eyes. "Hela told me not to fall in love with you…" She glanced up at Loki. "But I think I might…" She turned away in embarrassment. "Just a little…"

Loki stared at her in shock. He never would have guessed that Natasha had felt that way. Deep down, Loki knew those feelings. Maybe Hela was right about him falling in love with her… However Loki wasn't going to let himself fall for her. He knew that things would never work out. "Get some rest, Natasha," he said quietly as he held her in his arms. Loki couldn't let her fall for him, either. That would only be a mess. He needed to change Natasha's mind…

**"No, I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)**  
**No, I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)**  
**With you (This world is only gonna break your heart)**  
**No, I... (This world is only gonna break your heart)**  
**(This world is only gonna break your heart)"**


	29. I find pleasure in watching you writhe

** "The knife slides down to the tip of my tongue.**  
**I'm finding pleasure in watching you writhe. **

**I lean in just to lick the sweat off your face.**  
**I taste the reverence dripping down my throat."**

**The Murderer ~Alesana**

When Natasha awoke the next morning, there was no Loki. She did, however, spot her cell phone on the nightstand. Natasha didn't even bother to care if this was a trap. She had her phone-her only hope of contacting Clint. Without a second thought, she snatched it off the table and dialed Clint's number.

"Romanoff?" Tony's voice said after the third ring.

Natasha never would have guessed that the sound of Tony's voice would bring tears to her eyes. Of all people-Tony Stark, the man who always got on her nerves, was making her get emotional. Natasha missed home more than she thought she did. She was listening to someone who _wasn't_ Loki. "Is Barton there?" she quickly asked.

"It's really Nat?!" she heard Clint exclaim.

"He can't hold the phone right now, so talk to me-where are you?" Tony asked in a serious tone.

"I can hold it on my shoulder! Give it!" Clint demanded.

"Fine." Tony handed the phone off.

"Clint?" she gasped.

"Nat-are you okay? Where are you?!" he asked.

"I…" The sound of his voice overwhelmed her and she began to lose it. "I don't know."

"Just stay on-I'll have the call traced!"

"No, Clint," she shook her head. "I'm not even on earth now…"

"What?" he asked in shock.

"Look, I don't know how much longer I can talk…" She paused to listen for Loki. Nothing. "So can we just…talk?" she wondered. "How are you?"

"I, uh…" he hesitated. There was so much he wanted to ask… "I get one of the casts off next week."

"That's great," she smiled.

"Might be a while before I can shoot, though," he sulked.

Natasha lowered her head. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, Nat," he said in a comforting manner. "This was all Loki."

"It's my fault," she told him.

"What's he doing with you, Nat?" he asked sadly. "You've been gone for nearly three months."

She couldn't tell Clint the truth. She didn't want him to know what Loki did to her-not ever. "I'm okay," she promised. "He's not that bad," she quietly admitted.

"'Not that bad?' C'mon, Nat-this is Loki! It's gotta be a spell or something. Don't let him get to you!"

"Loki's just…" She glanced up to see him standing in the doorway. "Being Loki. I have to go." She ended the call before Clint could say another word. "I'm sorry." She set the phone down and prepared for the worst.

"I left that there for you," Loki explained. "You needed him, didn't you?" he wondered.

"A little," she lied. Natasha didn't want to sound too desperate in front of the god.

Loki could tell that she was lying. Her cheeks had begun to flush and he smiled. There could only be room for one love in Natasha's heart, and that place belonged to Clint Barton-not Loki.

"If you're okay with this, then I'll call him back." She reached for the phone, only to have Loki snatch it away. Natasha stared up at him in confusion.

"This is a privilege," he informed her matter-of-factly.

"That's _my _phone!" she warned him in an angry tone.

Loki began to smirk. He had Natasha back where he wanted her-hating him. "Unless you deserve it, I'll keep this in my possession." He tucked the tiny device down into the folds of the leather straps across his middle. "If you'd like to try and reclaim what's yours, then please do…" His grin widened.

Natasha glared at him and wondered if last night was just a dream. Loki seemed awfully keen on making sure that she was mad at him. She crawled out of bed and decided to take Loki up on his challenge. Natasha tugged at the lowest strap first and worked her way up. His belts fell to the floor, but there was no phone. "Loki," she growled in a warning tone. "Where is it?"

"Perhaps it slipped down into my pocket," he playfully told her.

_'It's gotta be a spell or something.' _Clint's words echoed in her mind. What if he was right? What if Loki had somehow been manipulating her all along? Whenever she was mad at Loki, she came around. After he showed her memories of her past self, she recovered. Even after he broke Clint's arms, Natasha managed to move on. She hadn't forgiven him for anything, but she didn't stay mad at him. "This isn't magic, is it?" she asked, staring into his eyes.

"Of course it is," he laughed. "Your device is-"

"No." She shook her head. "I meant on me. You aren't… controlling me somehow, are you? The Tesseract?"

"The Tesseract is far out of my reach," he informed her. "As for manipulation…" he reached down to stroke her cheek. "You are of your own volition."

She raised a brow. "And I can believe you?"

"Why the sudden curiosity?" he asked. "What makes you think I'd want control of your mind when your body is already mine?"

Could it have been his baby? Her hand rested against the swell of her stomach.

Loki placed his hand over hers. "Are you finding yourself drawn towards our child?" he wondered. "Don't forget what it is that rests there," he whispered.

"I know," she replied in a shaky voice. What if the little monster was the one doing magic? Was that even possible? Natasha thought to herself.

"Would you like to know how I convinced Hela into letting us keep our child?" Loki wondered.

Natasha warily looked into his eyes.

"You're curious as to why you carry my child, are you not?" He took her by the hand and sat on the bed with her.

"The truth?" she asked.

Loki flashed her a knowing smile. "Together, we're going to bring an end to this world."

"What?" she gasped.

"Think of what we can accomplish together." His tone darkened and his smile turned wicked. "We can put an end to this pathetic universe-everything will be ours! Just you, me, a child… And when it's only us, we can create a new world." He leaned in to kiss her, but Natasha pushed him aside.

"You're joking!" she exclaimed. Looking into his eyes, Loki seemed all too serious about this. "Loki, you can't! That's crazy!"

"Do you doubt me, Natasha?" he smirked. "If I recall correctly, your city would have been destroyed had you not closed the portal. Not to mention the fact that it took you and five others to try to stop me," he added.

"You had an alien army!" she reminded him.

"And I can summon an even greater army to bring about Ragnarok."

"Then why do you need me and a baby? Clearly, you don't need any help…"

"I wouldn't want to be lonely," he informed her with a chuckle. "In the end, we're perfect for each other." He pushed her down against the bed and pinned her wrists above her head. "We'll live as sinners with our children who will grow to be just like us."

Natasha began to squirm beneath his grasp. She didn't want to be a part of Loki's schemes-she wanted to go home. The spawn began to swim about inside her and she shuddered. It was as if it was telling Natasha to stay. It wanted the world to end. Just like its Father.

Loki took note of the discomfort on Natasha's face. "What is it, my Natasha?" He leaned in to kiss her neck.

"Don't. Touch. Me!" she hissed.

"Don't you want to talk to your little friends again?" he asked. His breath cold was against the nape of her neck.

"I hate you!" she spat.

Loki was pleased by the woman's harsh words. "That's what I like to hear." The couple's clothing disappeared and Loki pressed his naked body against Natasha's.

"NO!" Natasha screamed. "Let go of me!"

"You know I find it _very_ alluring when you resist me," he reminded her with a mischievous grin. He leaned down and licked her breast. His tongue flicked against her hard nipple and Natasha shivered.

"S-stop!" she growled. Loki began to suckle on her breast. She tried to wriggle free of his grasp, but his teeth bit down on her nipple. Natasha bit her lip to stifle a whimper.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?" he slyly asked. "Shall we try something different?"

"Bastard!" she breathed.

Loki grabbed her by the hips and struggled to flip her onto her stomach. Natasha got on her knees and threw her head back, but he easily dodged her attack. He grabbed a fistful of her curly hair in one hand and shoved her face into the pillows.

"Let **go**!" she shouted. She began elbowing him in the side, but that wasn't enough to stop the god.

Loki's free hand reached down and spread her lower lips. He positioned himself at her hips and thrust downward.

Natasha yelped in surprise. Her body tensed up and Loki let out a moan. "_Fuck!_" she swore in Russian.

"Does this please you?" he wondered as he thrust deeper into her.

"N-no." She clenched her jaw as Loki began to hit her pleasure point.

"Are you sure, Natasha?" he whispered into her ear. Loki knew exactly how to please her-he had begun to know her body all too well. As his cock explored her tight inner walls, his middle finger began to rub her clit.

A gasp escaped Natasha's throat. "S-stop!" she stammered. Natasha's didn't want him to stop, though. She was weak against the power of his touch.

"Is that really what you want?" he droned as he fingered her.

She began to moan as her body betrayed her.

"Tell me you like this!" he gingerly nibbled the tip of her ear.

"I-" She was cut off by a groan as Loki went faster.

While one hand traced circles against her clit, his other pushed against her stomach. "Do you think he feels it, too?"

"Y-you're sick!" she gasped.

"Admit you enjoy this!" he hissed. Natasha pursed her lips. "Say it. Natasha."

"N-" Between Loki hitting her where she needed him and the spawn tickling the pit of her stomach, she came, moaning his name. "Yes!" Her knees buckled beneath her, but Loki supported her up.

He pumped into her until he, too, came. Loki pulled out of her and collapsed onto his side beside the assassin.

Natasha hid beneath the covers. Her body was shivering from the cold and her orgasm.

"You've become so much easier to please," Loki noted.

"Shut up!" she snapped. Her back was turned to Loki as she attempted to get some sleep. She was sick of being treated like a toy, she was sick of Loki, she was sick of her life.


	30. Completely perfect, perfectly incomplete

** "You're completely perfect**

**But perfectly incomplete**

**You're lacking only me**

**But you acted like you didn't want to know me"**

**Beautiful ~Since October**

Loki had made an agreement with Natasha concerning her contact with a certain Clint Barton. He would allow her the use of her phone for once a week, so long as Natasha agreed to do Loki's bidding. By 'bidding' he meant bedroom foul play that left Natasha feeling miserable and hating Loki more and more. Despite the torture Natasha endured, it was worth it when she was rewarded with a phone call to Clint.

"How are you today?" she wondered.

"Got the cast off," said Clint glumly. "Two weeks until the other one goes. Then I've got therapy for a few more weeks. What about you, Nat? Loki needs to let you go…"

Natasha heavily sighed. Even if Loki _did _bring her home, she wouldn't want to be seen by the others. Her stomach was getting bigger by the day. There was no hiding the of her pregnancy any longer. Natasha would have felt humiliated if she had to face her teammates like this. She could already imagine the fat jokes Tony would come up with…

"Nat?" he asked suddenly. "Are you still there?"

She immediately snapped out of her daze. "Yeah, I'm fine," she lied. "Just tell me more about what you guys are doing." Since there was nothing for her to do that didn't involve the god of mischief…

"We're all worried about you, Nat," said Clint sadly. "Can't you make Loki come here, just for a day?" he wondered. "He can't keep you forever…"

"Maybe soon…" She couldn't make any promises, though. Natasha didn't know how Loki's 'end the world' plan would go…

"You can think of something, though, right?" he hopefully asked.

"Clint, I-" Before she could finish, Loki grabbed the phone from her hand.

"Goodbye, Agent Barton," he said into the phone before ending the call.

"You said I could call him!" she whined.

"Not all day, Natasha."

"That was hardly five minutes!" she complained. "I put up with your shit for **way **more than five-" Loki grabbed her cheeks to silence her.

"Are we complaining?" he asked with an all too kind smile. "You recall what happens when you complain, do you not?"

Natasha remained silent in defiance.

"Tell me!" he barked.

She pursed her lips as she turned her head.

"Natasha." He clicked his tongue. "Do I need to remind you?" An all too reassuring smirk played upon his lips.

"You fuck me," she muttered under her breath.

"What was that?" he asked in a fakely sweet tone.

Natasha scowled in reply.

"'Fuck me?'" he playfully asked.

"No!" she growled. "I said…" Natasha wasn't going to bother. If she said it, she would have fallen into Loki's trap.

"You want me to fuck you?" Loki roughly grabbed her by the arm.

"NO!" she screamed. "Fuck-don't touch me!"

He began to chuckle. "What's the use in crying out for help when it's just the two of us?" He pulled her against him and Natasha began to punch his chest.

"Stop it!" she demanded. "Loki, I swear!"

He rolled his eyes as he lifted her up into his arms. "You can't hurt me, Natasha. You know that." He threw her against the bed and pulled down her pants.

"Loki!" Natasha cried. "**Please!**" she begged as he began to fuck her with two of his fingers. "P-please!" she gasped.

"I'm not that weak, Natasha," he reminded her. "Your pathetic little cries aren't going to change my mind…"

The saddest part was that Natasha knew this to be entirely true. Loki was colder on the inside than he was on the outside. The more Natasha struggled, the more eager he became. Natasha was facing her toughest opponent yet. Instead of fighting, she let Loki have his way-he was going to use her body no matter how much she complained. As Loki entered her, she suddenly yelped in pain. "Loki, stop!" she cried. Natasha had been feeling uncomfortable about sex with the god, but now, it was painful.

He ignored her and went deeper into her.

"L-Loki!" a sob caught in her throat. "That really hurts!"

"You'll be alright," he assured her with a kiss upon her lips.

"You're hurting the thing!" she shouted at him with tears running down her cheeks.

"Am I?" he asked as he pulled out of her.

"You're hurting **me**!" she spat. Natasha could tell that Loki's spawn was messing her body up in more ways than one. Their sex had never been that painful before.

"Is he coming now?" Loki eagerly wondered.

Natasha groaned. "How old _are_ you?!" she scowled. "I have a long ways to go before this thing comes out! Unless you know a spell or something, you're not interfering with nature!"

"You sound disappointed," he noticed.

"The sooner this thing is born, the better. I want to go home."

"Your home is with me now," Loki reminded her.

Natasha rolled her eyes. "As if you're going to end the world," she groaned. "Grow up."

"Do you take me for a child?" he demanded.

"Only when you get like this."

Loki grabbed onto her shoulders and shoved her into the head board.

"What the hell?!" Natasha snarled.

"You should know better than to speak out against me," Loki warned the woman. Disregarding her cries of pain-oh, how Natasha cried-he had his way with her until his cock went limp and his cum dripped from Natasha's pussy.

Natasha felt too weak to move. She longed for a shower to wipe away every trace of Loki's sticky seed, but the pain between her legs wouldn't let her. Instead, she buried herself under the comforter and trembled as Loki hugged her against him as he did every night.

"Good night, Natasha," he softly whispered.

"I-…" she tried to fight back a sob, but she couldn't. "I hate you."


	31. If the pain goes on

**"Put me back together**  
**Or separate the skin from bone**  
**Leave me all the Pieces, then you can leave me alone**  
**Tell me the reality is better than the dream**  
**But I found out the hard way,**  
**Nothing is what it seems!"**

**Duality ~Slipknot**

When the time came for Natasha's weekly phone call, she reluctantly snatched her phone away and frantically dialed her partner's number.

"Nat!" Clint had picked up on the first ring.

Natasha didn't bother to ask how he was today. She didn't even greet him with a hello. Instead, she broke down in tears.

The archer grew frantic. He couldn't console her when she was in a completely different world. "Nat, what's he doing to you?!"

What _hadn't _Loki done was the question. Natasha couldn't tell him, though. She couldn't tell him anything. "I-I'm fine," she lied. She especially couldn't tell him that her hormones were making her crazy.

"You don't sound fine," he noted. "Is anyone else there with you?" he wondered.

"Just Loki." She took a deep breath in an effort to calm herself down.

"So you're all alone? He isn't hurting you, is he?"

"Yeah," she replied. "But I'm okay." Natasha glared across the room to meet Loki's gaze. "Trust me on this one, Barton."

Clint always had a hard time in figuring out when Natasha was lying and being serious. She was a skilled liar. This time, though, Clint knew it was a lie. "You got a plan yet?"

Natasha's only plan of escape involved the arrival of the hell-child, which wasn't exactly something she could plan. She still had a long ways to go until that happened. "Not yet…"

"Stark and Bruce have been trying to build something," Clint suddenly assured her. "Remember the whole 'Tesseract portal?' They're trying to replicate-"

Natasha cut him off before he could finish. "Why don't you just ask Thor for the damn Tesseract?!" she exclaimed. Loki began to chuckle and she knew something was amiss.

"That's the thing," said Clint sadly. "It's gone."

Natasha nearly dropped the phone. "What?"

"Thor said it's gone." There was pain in his voice. "We were gonna use it to find you… I didn't want to tell you cuz I knew you'd be disappointed."

Loki began to approach Natasha. "I have to go," she said quickly.

"Hang in there, Nat." Those were the last words Natasha heard before Loki pried the cell phone from her fingers.

"Where's the Tesseract, Loki?" Natasha demanded with a hard glare.

"I don't have it, in case you're curious," he coyly informed her.

"**Where **is it?!" she barked. Her hands formed fists at her sides.

"You can ask your friends when an ally of mine pays them a visit," he smiled.

Natasha was only aware of one friend of Loki's. "Hela has it?"

He shook his head. "You haven't met him before."

"Then who is it?!" She grabbed a hold of his shirt collar.

"He calls himself Thanos," Loki explained. "It is he who shall conquer Midgard by bringing your teammates to their knees."

"What makes you so sure?" Natasha asked, pulling him closer. "We all brought you down."

"That's just it," Loki grinned. "Back then, I was merely a puppet in his hands. I did his bidding, and I failed him."

"So he wants to kill you, right?" she wondered, loosening her grip.

"I've warned him of the Avengers," he explained. "Just wait until he arrives-with you gone and poor Barton broken, how will the other four fare?" Loki mused. "Personally, I find you to be the strongest of them all." He brought a hand to Natasha's cheek. "You're clever-brains over brawn, as the saying goes. What will that team be without you?"

Natasha's nose wrinkled in fury.

"Help us bring them down, Natasha. You're far better off on my side."

"I don't think I'm in any condition to be doing anything right now…"

"After he's born," Loki corrected her.

"As if I'd help **you**!" she scoffed. "Don't tell me you've been disappearing to meet with this guy!"

"Thanos will attack when he pleases. When that time comes, I will aid him. Hela, too."

"What happens then?" Natasha began, crossing her arms. "Let's say you take down my team. What happens to Thanos and Hela? You'll resort to fighting against each other until only one of you comes out on top."

"You're forgetting I have Hela on my side," Loki reminded her. "She'll simply kill Thanos."

Natasha winced. Loki seemed to have everything already planned out.

"He used me once. Never again…" Loki darkly chuckled. "All the worlds will be ours, Natasha," he promised. "Just the three of us." He leaned in to kiss her lips.

Clint. She had to warn Clint. Natasha shoved Loki away. "You realize that you told me everything. Guess what I get to tell Clint next week?" she cockily remarked.

"And how will you do that?" He held up her phone and crushed it to bits. Loki began to laugh as he let the broken pieces fall to the ground.

Natasha fell to her knees, staring down helplessly at the fragments of her only source of communication. The only connection to her home was permanently severed. She hunched over and hugged her arms close to her chest. There was nothing else left for her. Natasha Romanoff had lost all hope while Loki merely cackled at her defeat.

**"I push my fingers into my eyes**  
**It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache**  
**But it's made of all the things I have to take**  
**Jesus, it never ends, it works it's way inside**  
**If the pain goes on,**  
**I'm not gonna make it!"**

**Duality ~Slipknot**


	32. Bound at every limb by shackles of fear

**"Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear  
Sealed with lies through so many tears  
Lost from within, pursuing the end  
I fight for the chance to be lied to again"**

**Lies ~Evanescence**

Natasha began to notice that she no longer had to avoid Loki. He made that task easier for her by rarely being around. Although Loki himself wasn't present, his duplicates were. They kept a watchful eye out for Natasha just as Loki would have. Natasha tried not to pay any attention to the doubles. Her main concern was what the real Loki was up to with this 'Thanos' character. Three weeks had passed since Loki first brought up his plan to have Thanos take down her friends. Everyone she cared about was in danger and there was nothing she could do to save them. She was stuck in a whole other world suffering horrid back pain. Natasha had mentally been keeping track of the days spent with Loki's spawn inside her. Twenty weeks, one day. Approximately four months left… She set aside the book she had been leafing through to stretch her aching back.

"Feeling any better today?" Loki asked as he leaned over the couch.

The _thing_ inside Natasha's stomach leapt at the sound of Loki's voice and Natasha gasped.

"Did I frighten you?" he casually chuckled.

Natasha's trembling hand stroked her middle. She had never had the demon-child move with that much force before. The movements had always felt like a tickle, but this one felt like more of a tap from the inside.

"Natasha?" Loki accompanied her on the couch.

"It's getting stronger," she winced.

Loki reached out to touch her side. "Is he now?" he wondered, his eyes alight with a child's excitement. "That's a good sign."

Natasha was terrified of the thing getting any stronger. She didn't even know how it was supposed to feel-what if it was growing into some Frost Giant creature? The idea of something with the word 'giant' at the end of its name worried her. Then again, Loki was quite tall, but she wouldn't call him a _giant. _Natasha didn't know a thing about pregnancy, but she figured that a woman in such a state should see a doctor. "Loki, I need a doctor," she breathed. Natasha needed answers.

He noticed her face go white. "Does it hurt?"

"N-no, I…I just don't know if this is even supposed to happen," she admitted. "I-" She felt a tap at her side and judging by the look on Loki's face, he felt something, too.

Loki's eyes widened with awe. Natasha had complained about it fluttering about, but he could never feel his child's movements. Now, he finally did, and he was amazed. "That was him," he dumbly stated as he stared at Natasha's stomach. Loki's own flesh and blood seemed to recognise his touch. His child was smart, that he was certain of. "Make sure you grow to be big and strong for your Mother and I," Loki whispered.

A shiver ran down her spine at his haunting words. She didn't want to be the thing's Mother. She didn't want it to grow anymore... "Loki, do me this one thing." She couldn't stop the wavering in her voice. "Get me help."

"You're alright, Natasha," he assured her. "Don't tell me you're frightened of a harmless child," he smirked.

"It's the not knowing that scares me…" she admitted. Natasha couldn't see it, but she could feel it. She had no clue what it looked like or how it would behave in the world. But her dreams showed her visions and Loki was positive that it was a monster. Going by only that information left Natasha terrified.

Loki pulled the woman against him and could feel her body trembling. "Who would have guessed that the deadliest spider would fear her own young?" he joked. "Well, if you fear him, then so will everyone else.

"What about you?" she asked under her breath.

"I'm _terrified_," he whispered against her hair.

Natasha found no comfort in his words. If Loki really was afraid of it, then he was hiding his fear well. Still, she chose to believe him, solely because any child of Loki's would become something truly horrifying in nature.


	33. You got it, some kind of magic, hypnotic

**"You got it you got it**  
**Some kind of magic**  
**Hypnotic hypnotic**  
**You're leaving me breathless**  
**I hate this I hate this**  
**You're not the one I believe in**  
**With God as my witness"**

**I Caught Myself ~Paramore**

"Loki, have you noticed anything about me latley?" Natasha suddenly asked him one morning.

"Our child has been growing," he stated, folding his hands behind his back.

"Exactly," she replied in an annoyed tone. "And I've been wearing sweatpants for the past few weeks."

Loki stared at the pair of loose, black pants she was currently wearing. "Did you need them washed again?"

"Loki!" she snapped. "Pants-I need new clothes!" she complained. "A shopping trip might come in handy right about now."

"I'll obtain what you need," he assured her.

She mockingly laughed at his offer. "_I _don't even know what my size is."

"You weren't fond of our last trip for clothing," Loki reminded her.

"That was when all my clothes _fit_! They don't now-even the damn shirts are getting too small!" She stormed over to her dresser and began throwing her clothes to the floor. "And is it asking too much to want to go home?!" she snapped, throwing a pair of jeans in Loki's face. "And for some real food?!"

Loki raised a brow in interest as he draped the pants over his arm. "If there's something you want in particular, I'd gladly get it for you."

"A burger or Chinese would be great," she drawled. "Living off of meat, fruit and all of that gets old. I'm not Asgardian like you-that's not my diet!"

"Then I'll gladly pick up some Midgardian food. You should have said something."

Natasha kicked the now empty drawer shut. "Thanks for offering _now_!" she sarcastically spat.

"Anything to help my child grow," Loki smiled. "I'll be sure to pick up some new clothes and food for you."

Natasha lost her craving for earth food the moment Loki brought his hell-spawn into it. "Forget the food," she muttered.

Loki chose to ignore her remark. "You'd like bigger numbers in these, correct?" he asked, holding out the jeans for her.

"Just take me with you." Natasha didn't want to sound too desperate, but she was bored out of her mind in Loki's domain.

"I'm sure your friends are scouring all of Midgard for you," he reminded her.

Natasha folded her arms across her chest and shrugged. She couldn't argue with that.

"I'll return later. I have business with Hela to attend to first."

There was a tightening in Natasha's chest. "You're planning to kill them, aren't you?"

Loki understood who she meant by 'them.' "Yes," he replied with a grave expression. "Goodbye, Natasha."

She watched him vanish into thin air. Once Loki was gone, she returned to the bed where she curled up under the covers and began to cry. Her friends were all in danger and she couldn't warn them. Natasha couldn't help but feel that she was responsible. She was stuck on the dark side with no way into the light.

…..

Natasha thought she was going crazy when the scent of Chinese food wafted into her nostrils. Thinking that she was dreaming, she tried ignoring it. Her stomach began to growl in protest. She sat up in bed and stretched before realizing that the smell wasn't her imagination. "Loki?" she called out as she padded towards the dining room.

Loki stepped out from the dining room entryway. "I just arrived a moment ago. You were fast asleep, though."

"You brought food back." Her question came out as a statement. She could easily identify the long-forgotten scent of food from back home.

"I told you I would, didn't I?" he smirked. "Your new clothes are in the bedroom," he added.

Natasha wordlessly brushed past him. She could care less about the clothes. Right now, food was her main priority.

"I wasn't sure what you wanted, so I picked several things," Loki explained as he sat at the opposite end of the table. He began to sift through a plastic shopping bag.

Natasha opened the brown paper bag and pulled out some chicken, noodles, rice, fortune cookies… Loki had actually done something good for once. "Yeah, this is good." She didn't want to sound too desperate in front of him. "Were you going to eat some?" she asked as she opened up a plastic set of silverware.

"No," he smiled, shaking his head. "Everything there is for you and our child."

Natasha sat down with the container of noodles and couldn't bring herself to eat. Her main concern was feeding the leech in her stomach. The last thing she wanted was for it to grow anymore. She tried ignoring the hunger, but it was slowly getting to her. Natasha made a mental agreement with herself to only eat a small portion. However after being denied what she considered to be 'real food' for so long, she ended up finishing the noodles and over half of the chicken.

"I don't see how you can bring yourself to eat that," Loki commented, wrinkling his nose. "It smells repulsive." He pulled back the film of a plastic cup he held in his hand.

Natasha curiously eyed Loki as he dipped a spoon into the cup. "Pudding? You're a child," she remarked. There was the slightest trace of a smile on her lips. She covered up the leftover Chinese food for Loki to put away later.

"Is it a child's food?" Loki asked her innocently. "Nonetheless, I enjoy it."

Natasha couldn't help but laugh as she watched Loki eat his dessert. "Aren't you going to share, Loki?" she asked, eying the plastic bag beside Loki. She could see the silhouettes of at least two more packs of pudding hidden within the clear plastic.

"Have one if you'd like," he told her. "I'll be sure to serve you more of your repulsive Midgardian foods from now on."

Natasha sauntered over to his end of the table and stole a chocolate pudding cup from his bag. "It's not all bad, you know." Loki offered her a clean spoon and she accepted it. "Just get healthier stuff. No take out." The last thing she needed was him ordering out for her every night.

"Your people seem to happily thrive off of the unhealthy."

Natasha sat down close to Loki as she ate her pudding. "Eat enough of these and you'll be bigger than I am," she playfully warned the god.

Loki slyly smirked. "I'm a god. My body won't allow itself to fall into such a state. Volstagg, however-"

"'Volstagg?'" Natasha asked.

"A friend of Thor's," Loki quickly added. "He chooses to overindulge and it's truly horrific."

Natasha hadn't heard Loki bring up anyone else on Asgard before. Even if Volstagg wasn't a friend of his, she felt like Loki had just lowered his defenses. "I wouldn't have taken you for a dessert guy," she commented as Loki opened up another pudding cup. "You don't seem like the type to have a sweet tooth."

"Leave me to enjoy my dessert and I won't question the garbage you just consumed."

"Did you want to try some of my food?" she wondered.

Loki shook his head. "Save it for a later time. I bought that specifically for you two."

"Thanks for that," she said suddenly, staring down at the pudding cup.

Loki kindly smiled for her. "Of course."

Her eyes met with Loki's and she couldn't help but laugh upon noticing a bit of chocolate at the corner of his lip. "It's hard to take you seriously when you make a mess," she joked. She rose from her chair and reached out to wipe the bit of dessert away with her thumb. Loki abruptly grabbed her wrist and leaned in to kiss her. Natasha was caught off guard, but she didn't mind. This kiss was far more gentle than the others. She closed her eyes and gave in to the kiss, tasting chocolate on the god's tongue. An unexpected nudge against her ribcage made her bite down on Loki's lip. She quickly pulled away from the kiss with a hand against her side.

"Natasha!" Loki exclaimed.

"Shit!" she hissed. "It kicked me…" Natasha wasn't sure what to make of the thing's actions. It left her scared and in the slightest pain-for a baby, the thing actually hurt her.

Loki took his child's interruption as a sign that he had been getting too close to Natasha. He wasn't sure why he kissed her-something had come over him…

"I really don't like this, Loki," she breathed. "This doesn't feel right." Her desperate eyes met with his. "Loki, I need a doctor!"

His eyes narrowed. "You know I can't do that, Natasha."

"So you expect me to put up with this thing moving and kicking me? What if it's sick?!" she exclaimed. "You'd care then, wouldn't you?"

"I'm sure you're overreacting. A child will naturally move about in its Mother's womb," he lectured.

"I'm sure you'll say I'm overreacting when I go into labor, too!" she shouted. "Where will my doctor be _then_?!"

"I'll take you to Asgard," he promised. "The midwives will tend to you."

Natasha groaned loudly and turned on her heel.

"Where are you going?" Loki called after her.

"To bed!" she scoffed. Right when she thought Loki was changing, he reverted back to his cold, inconsiderate self. Then again, it was the monster  
that went and ruined their moment. She brought a finger to her lips as she recalled their kiss. Unlike the other unwanted lip-locks done out of spite, Loki  
was sincere about this kiss. Natasha could feel it. If the _thing_ hadn't spoiled the moment, she wouldn't have minded kissing him longer…

**"You're pushing and pulling me down to you**  
**But I don't know what I want**  
**No, I don't know what I want"**


	34. Don't look away from the arms of love

** "So where in the world's the forgotten?**  
**Like soldiers from a long lost war**  
**We share the scars from our abandon**  
**And what we remember becomes folklore**  
**Well, don't look away from the arms of a bad dream**  
**Don't look away, sometimes you're better lost than to be seen**  
**Don't look away from the arms of a moment**  
**Don't look away from the arms of tomorrow**  
**Don't look away from the arms of a moment**  
**Don't look away from the arms of love"**

**The Forgotten ~Green Day**

The following morning, Natasha wanted to bring up the kiss. Every time she opened her mouth to ask, she would tense up. What if Loki got mad at her? Natasha wasn't in the mood to deal with an angry god this early…"Where's the kitchen in this place?" Natasha wondered.

"I have no need for one," Loki informed her as they ate breakfast. "What's the use in one when I can simply summon whatever I need?"

Natasha shrugged. "Just curious. I was thinking about cooking. You know, just to keep me occupied…" She had a lot on her mind. The kiss, especially. Since Natasha couldn't fight with her extra weight and aching back, cooking seemed like a good enough distraction. Sleeping and eating seemed to be the only things Natasha had the motivation to do lately.

"Well if that's what you'd like, I'll gladly conjure one up."

"Just like that?" she blinked.

"Do you doubt me?" Loki asked her. "Look into the room behind you."

Natasha rose from her seat and turned around. Instead on a solid wall, there was a cutaway leading into a kitchen that was identical to the one in her apartment. Her mouth fell open as she entered the room. Everything was the same and in exactly the same locations. Her stove, microwave, fridge-even the cabinets were the same. If Natasha didn't know any better, she would've truly believed that she was home again. Tears clouded her vision and she couldn't fight them back. For the first time in months, she felt a sense of home.

"Are you alright?" Loki asked as he stood beside her.

"This is my kitchen," she stated.

"A duplicate, is all," he explained. "The dining ware is of Asardian tastes and there isn't any food," he added. "But I'll be sure to buy you whatever you need later on."

"You couldn't duplicate some other kitchen?" she snapped. The last thing she wanted was to be reminded of home, especially if she couldn't actually be there.

"Is this too much?" he wondered. "I can change it, if you wish."

She shook her head. This was probably going to be Natasha's only reminder of the life she used to have on Midgard.

….

"It's very good, Natasha," Loki said as he ate another forkful of spaghetti.

Natasha shrugged off the compliment. After being on her own for years, she had become good at the skill. "It's really easy to make. I haven't had it in a while, either," she remarked.

"Will the food I bought come in handy?" he asked.

Natasha thought back to the dozen bags Loki had returned from Midgard with. He had bought her different types of poultry, fruits, vegetables, pasta-more than enough food to last them for a while. "Yeah. Good job."

"And the clothing articles-do those all fit?" he asked.

Natasha had tried on some of the clothes while Loki was out. Most of what he bought was just right, or two sizes too large. "They'll last me for a while."

"That's good to hear," he smiled.

She shrugged as she dabbed a piece of garlic bread into some pasta sauce.

"You're quiet tonight," Loki noticed. "Are you well?"

"Why did you kiss me last night?" The nagging question slipped from Natasha's lips before she could think.

"I was curious," he replied.

"Curious for what?" she raised a brow.

"I wanted to see if I could take you by surprise," he added.

"But _why_?" she prodded.

He pushed his empty plate off to the side. "Would you rather I stripped you of your clothes, instead?" he slyly wondered.

Natasha rolled her eyes. "You're disgusting."

"But you're beautiful," he informed her with a smile.

"I look and feel like shit," she groaned. "No thanks to you," she muttered.

Loki quietly chuckled. "I find motherhood to be a fitting look for you."

Natasha mockingly laughed at his comment. "More like the complete opposite!"

"I don't joke."

"So says the god of lies."

Loki watched as Natasha finished up her dinner. "Why would I lie to you about your beauty?"

"Just shut up!" she groaned. "I'm not in the mood." Natasha grabbed her plate and placed it in the kitchen's dishwasher. Loki may not have felt anything from that kiss, but Natasha certainly did. She placed her palms against the marble countertop and became lost in thought. Her feelings of longing towards the god had returned. Those feelings never lasted for very long, anyways. Natasha began to wonder that if she kissed him again, she would get a better grasp on her feelings.

"Natasha?" The sound of his voice took her by surprise.

She turned and slowly approached him. The two stared at each other in silence for what felt like minutes, rather than mere seconds. Standing on her tiptoes, she wrapped her arms around Loki's neck and pressed her full lips up against his.

Loki was still at first. She had taken _him_ by surprise. Natasha slipped her tongue into his mouth and he responded by grabbing her hips. He pulled her close to his chest and kissed her with the passion he had kept pent up for months. Loki couldn't lie to himself. He loved Natasha so much that it hurt.

As wrong as it was, Natasha couldn't deny the fact that she loved him. She didn't know how she could possibly love him after all he had put her through. Despite the pain he caused, he was the only one who could understand her.

Loki forced their kiss to come to an end and Natasha stared at him, breathless. It was because he loved her that he had to stop. Things between them would never work. They both lived their lives with consciences stained with blood, but in the end, she was a human, and he was a monster.

Natasha couldn't stop the pounding in her chest. That kiss had been the most honest thing between them since Loki had returned to her life. She had never been kissed like that before by anyone. Something about Loki felt right to her-like he was the missing piece in her life. It may have been the baby manipulating her feelings, but Natasha didn't care. Right now, she was completely smitten with the god and she didn't care. "Remember when you made me choose between love and hate?" she asked. Loki's gaze remained fixed upon her flushed face. Her fingers dug into his chest. "I love you."

The first thing Loki felt was his chest tightening. The second thing he felt was pain. He had gone too far. Natasha Romanoff was a fool to fall in love with him. She was going to have to learn the hard way. Loving him was only going to bring her pain. He pressed his mouth against hers as he shoved her against the countertop.

Everything became a blur to Natasha. The next thing she knew, they were both naked in the bedroom. She glanced up to meet Loki's stare.

He quickly averted his gaze and distracted her with a kiss. The guilt of knowing that she was going to have her heart crushed hurt him more than words could describe.

Her arms wrapped around his neck as they kissed. Natasha's legs locked around his hips and she pulled him close. She could feel his stiff cock against her middle. "Fuck me already," she whispered. For once, Natasha longed for him to be inside of her. Her heightened lust had taken control. Loki was surprisingly gentle with her for once. There was no pain, no tears, only the sound of their ragged breaths and racing hearts.

"Remember this moment," Loki whispered as they laid sprawled beside one another.

"Believe me, I will." Natasha stared up at the ceiling, trying to steady her breathing. Natasha managed to roll onto her side and she curled up against Loki's body.

Come tomorrow, their love would seem like a lie. Loki reached out to tousle her hair. "Know that I truly do love you, Natasha," he said under his breath. Because tomorrow, you and I will return to being enemies, he mentally finished.


	35. Over and over, you make me fall for you

**"Over and over, over and over**  
**I fall for you Over and over, over and over**  
**I try not to**  
**Over and over, over and over**  
**You make me fall for you**  
**Over and over, over and over**  
**You don't even try to"**

**Over and Over ~Three Days Grace**

The next morning when Natasha woke up, Loki was gone. She sat up and stared down at Loki's pillow. Last night felt like it was all just a dream, but the euphoria running through her begged to differ. How she fell so fast and so hard for the god would forever remain a mystery to her. Natasha wasn't one to fall in love so easily, but Loki was different. His child began to stir within her and instead of feeling happy, her mood was ruined. She didn't love it and she never would. The child served as a reminder of the hatred and tortures she endured with Loki. It was all the little monster's fault that she was here. She wouldn't have fallen for Loki if not for his baby, though. That would have been for the best. How could she fall in love with the enemy? Natasha wondered how she could ever bring herself to love the man plotting to kill all of her friends. And Clint… Natasha had nearly forgotten all about him. Was her love for Loki all just a distraction? Was it part of his plan? _"Know that I truly do love you, Natasha."_ His words were honest, as was their kiss. Natasha was going to take her chances in believing him, only because she loved him in return.

"Natasha?" Loki appeared in the doorway. He sauntered over and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Yeah?" she asked with a small smile.

Crush her, he told himself. Make her hate you! "Did you want to make something for breakfast?"

"Oh, sure," she replied. "Just let me get a shower…"

"Alright." Loki decided to wait. Leading her on would make her untimely heartbreak all the more painful.

…..

"Loki?" Natasha asked over breakfast. Instead of sitting at the furthest end of the table, she took a seat adjacent to the god.

"Yes?" He began to cut his pancakes into bite-sized pieces.

"I still don't know how to feel about this…_baby_."

Loki began to chuckle. "I believe this is the first time you've referred to him as a person, rather a 'thing.'"

"I'm serious," she warned him. "But I don't think you are. This isn't a toy, Loki," she reminded him. "It's something you're going to be held responsible for for at least eighteen years."

"Only eighteen years? That's hardly any time at all," he smirked. "Besides, our children will be free to do as they please. The world will be theirs, after all…"

Natasha didn't know how to feel towards the god all of a sudden. She _wanted_ to love Loki, but he was being difficult. "I don't want to be part of its life," she quietly told him. "I'd much rather have it be just us, if you know what I mean…"

Loki knew that Natasha would soon regret those words. "What's done is done," he reminded her. "Unlike you, I happen to want a child."

For all the wrong reasons, Natasha thought to herself.

"You're fine with spending your life with me, though?" Loki raised a brow in curiosity.

"Sometimes I think that we're meant for each other," she admitted with a shrug.

"We are," he assured her. "Two sinners, living-"

"No," she interrupted. "None of that, Loki." She gave him a longing stare. "What's more important-power, or me?" There was an awkward silence and Natasha regretted ever asking. "Just forget it." She left the table, only to have Loki grab her wrist. The corners of her lips turned up in a smile. "Thank y-"

"My reign will last for centuries. However, you won't, Na…"

She smacked him across the face before he could finish. "You're _disgusting!_" she shouted with tears in her eyes. "Fucking monster," she cursed as she stormed off.

Loki watched her leave. He rubbed his red cheek and knew that he deserved it.

Natasha didn't want to even face Loki after their incident. As much as she told herself to hate him, she couldn't let him go. She was stuck with him.

He began to ignore Natasha after their spat. He was glad that Natasha seemed to hate him once again. His act of selfishness was nothing compared to what he had in store for her. It was only a matter of time until he gave her that one final push over the edge.


	36. I am the reason your future suffers

**"I am the reason your future suffers,**  
**I am the hatred you won't embrace**  
**I am the worm of a pure gestation,**  
**I am the remedy, spit in my face.**  
**All your laws and rules are outdated,**  
**All your subjects are killing the kings,**  
**I can rattle off a million other reasons why,**  
**But does it matter when the only thing we love will die?"**

**All Hope is Gone ~Slipknot**

_"Loki?" Natasha cried out. She was hunched over in bed, her hands grabbing her large middle. "Loki, help me!" she begged. Tears streamed down her flushed face. _

_"There's nothing I can do," he informed her. "We both knew his birth would come."_

_"Take me to a fucking hospital!" she screamed. "L-" The sound of tearing flesh made her pull away the fabric of her nightgown. Staring down at her stomach, Natasha could see the faint trace of tiny fingers clawing at her middle. Inside, she could feel nails scraping away at her skin._

_Loki watched in twisted amusement as his child tried to make its way into the world."Help him, Natasha!" he ordered._

_She fell back and propped herself up on her elbows. "What?"_

_He summoned his scepter and brought the sharp silver tip just below her navel. "Hold still, Natasha," he warned her before digging the blade into her skin._

Natasha awoke screaming and in tears. Staring up at the ceiling, she realized it was all just a dream. Her fingers traced over the spot where Loki's cold blade cut her open. The dream felt real-just like every other nightmare she had endured.

"Natasha, what happened?!" Loki suddenly appeared beside her on the bed. It was the first thing he had said to her in three weeks.

Another scream escaped her throat not only from Loki's sudden appearance, but from a kick to her ribs.

"Is his birth near?" he quickly asked upon noticing the way she grasped her side.

"Don't fucking mention that!" she hissed at him. Loki picked the wrong time to bring up the subject. Nothing terrified her more than the idea of having to give birth to the thing. What if it really _did _try clawing its way out?

"Natasha…"

"Go away!" She let out a choked sob. "J-just go away!"

He pulled her trembling body against his.

Her fingers grabbed the fabric at his chest as she broke down into more tears. "It's going to kill me! Loki, it's-"

"You had a nightmare," he whispered against her hair. "You're safe now, Natasha."

That was a lie. She didn't feel safe at all. Natasha couldn't shake the feeling that the spawn was out to kill her. Then there was Loki… "Are you going to kill me?" she quietly asked.

"Now why would I ever do that?"

He certainly showed no hesitation in slicing her open within the dream… "If you had to choose between me and the baby…"

"You," he replied without a second thought.

She breathed a sigh of relief at his answer.

"There's only one you, after all," he smiled as he grabbed her chin. "We can always have more children."

Natasha shoved him away from her. Loki seemed to have no problems in saying the complete opposite of what she wanted to hear. "Leave me alone…" Loki left her without a word in reply. Once he left the room, she buried her face into her pillow and sobbed. She couldn't deal with anything in her life anymore. The monster in her belly terrified her and Loki made it worse by taking the thing's side. Natasha tried not to fall asleep in fear of another nightmare, but sleep had gotten the best of her…

…

"Natasha, there's something I need to show you," Loki said to her later in the day.

"Go away." Natasha pulled the comforter over her head. He was the last person she wanted to see…

He hesitated. "It concerns your friends."

Natasha slowly sat upright in the bed. The dismay across the god's face began to worry her. "They're not…" Natasha couldn't bring herself to even ask if they were dead. The way Loki bowed his head in reply was the only answer she needed. "No!" she gasped, clasping a hand over her mouth.

"Would you care to see, Natasha?" A cruel grin formed at the corners of his lips. He outstretched his hands to reveal to her a portal of green fog.

"No-Loki, no!" she begged. This was reminding her of the visit to her past memories.

"Watch closely, Natasha," he told her with an all too charming smile.

Within the dark fog was a mirror displaying New York. Natasha wanted to look away, but upon seeing her city-her home-she watched. Many of the skyscrapers were engulfed in flame and the air was hazy with smoke. A purple-faced alien creature clad in blue and gold armour stormed across the city streets. Captain America threw his shield at him, but the alien deflected it. The creature's gloved hand shot a blast of energy that blew a hole straight through Steve's chest. Natasha looked away at the sight of Steve's body falling into a pile of his own blood.

"Keep looking!" Loki growled.

"No!" she shouted. Why couldn't she shut her eyes? She begged her eyelids to shut, but they wouldn't budge.

Iron Man flew to Steve's side. He shot a blast towards the armoured alien, only to have it deflected back.

Natasha pressed a hand to her mouth as her stomach churned.

"We're getting to the best part," Loki informed her. He allowed for his magic portal to float on its own accord. Loki climbed into bed and seized Natasha from behind. Grabbing her neck, he forced her to continue staring into the mirror while her eyes were kept open with his magic. "P-please," she begged. The alien who Natasha assumed to be Thanos approached Iron Man while he was down. His large hand lifted Tony's suit up by the helmet and crushed it like an egg. Blood spilled through the helmet which had been reduced to nothing but a shriveled up ball of metal. Natasha freed herself from the god's grasp in time to retch over the side of the bed.

"Oh, that wasn't even the best part," Loki crooned. "We still have three more to go. Don't worry-I've saved the best for last," he wickedly promised.

Natasha wiped the excess vomit from her lips. Not Clint. Anything but seeing Clint die… "L-Loki…"

He pulled on her hair, forcing her upright just in time to watch Thanos finish off the Hulk. The two were the same size in both height and build. Thanos had slung the Hulk's body across his broad shoulders with the green beast's back against his neck. He pulled forward on Hulk's arm and leg until his spine had snapped. Natasha let out a gasp as Hulk reverted back into Bruce Banner. The Doctor's spine was bent backwards in the most unnatural way. "No!" she cried.

"Hush now, my little spider," Loki whispered. "This is my favourite part…" His eyes focused on the mirror as Thor's turn came up.

"Why? WHY?!" Natasha screamed. This wasn't Loki-this wasn't Loki at all! How could he have changed so drastically in such a short period of time? He wasn't the same man he was when they had kissed. This was the Loki that raped her-the one that brought unforgivable tortures upon her. She thought that Loki was long gone, but how wrong she was! The monster within him had revealed himself and he was stronger than ever.

Loki began to laugh as a plate of Thor's chest armour was ripped off. "This is what you deserve!" he sneered at the vision of Thor.

"You grew up with him," Natasha weakly managed. She tried looking away, but Loki wouldn't allow it. Thanos directed a blast of lightning against the exposed region of Thor's chest and the god of thunder collapsed. Natasha was going to be sick again. Especially since she knew Clint was next. "Loki, no." An arrow shot Thanos in the eye. "Loki, n-no! **No!**" she pleaded. She struggled to break free of him, but he tightened his fingers around her windpipe.

"You're going to like this part, Natasha," he promised.

She tried to close her eyes, but she couldn't. Natasha's body was frozen stiff and she couldn't even blink. Loki's hell-spawn began moving and kicking about inside her. "L-Loki-"

Thanos pulled the arrow from his eye and shot Clint a wide smile. The archer fired another arrow, but the alien caught it and snapped it in his gloved hand.

"Please, please, _Clint_!" she cried, despite the fact that he couldn't hear her.

Clint broke out into a run as Thanos chased after him. Thanos hit Clint with a blast from his gauntlet. Clint fell face down into the cement. When the archer looked up, his chin bruised and nose bleeding, Loki was there to greet him.

"When did this happen?!" Natasha screamed. "Loki-why-"

"Shh," he whispered.

The Loki within the mirror grabbed Clint's arms and pulled until they were ripped clean off.

"I'm afraid he'll never hold a bow again," Loki mused.

Natasha let out a piercing howl. She screamed louder than she ever could have imagined.

Loki simply laughed at the red-head's suffering. "Wasn't that grand? With your friends gone, Midgard will fall into nothingness." He released his hold over Natasha and she leaned over to hurl. They were dead- every single one of them. All Natasha could see were the untimely demises of her teammates. There was so much blood… Of all the tortures each of them endured, Natasha suffered the worst of all-she had to helplessly watch.

"There's nothing holding you back now, is there?" Loki taunted. "You're all mine now."

The spawn kicked against Natasha's ribcage and she threw up even more. She wanted to die-anything would do, so long as it took her away from Loki. Right now, she was in a place far worse than hell…


	37. Breath of life

**"And my heart is a hollow plain**  
**For the devil to dance again**  
**And the room is too quiet"**

**Breath of Life ~Florence and the Machine**

There was nothing in all of the nine realms that could console Natasha. Watching her teammates and the man she loved die was far more than she could handle. Her world fell apart and grew meaningless without them. Nothing could ever bring them back…

A day passed and Natasha refused to leave her bed. She didn't even eat. Her entire body felt numb. She had cried to the point that even her tears had failed her. Natasha felt dead, except the movements from the life inside her begged to differ. The monster was taunting her. You're alive, she imagined it saying in Loki's mocking tone.

Loki carefully watched her from the bedroom's doorframe. Part of him wanted to admire his work. After all, he left her in pieces. Yet there was a part of him that was crushed by the cruelty of his actions. Natasha had said she loved him. She didn't think he was a monster in his Jotun form. No one else had ever said such a thing to him-not even the man he called 'Father.' Loki clenched his fists at his sides as the rage kicked in. Like Natasha, he needed to be alone now…

…

After three days of staying sequestered in bed, Loki knew that enough was enough for Natasha. "You don't intend on staying there forever," he stated. Despite her confinement to the bed, Loki had caught Natasha sneaking about to get food. Now, she seemed to be fast asleep. "Natasha!" he barked. Still no answer. "For every life taken, a new one is born," he said as he ripped the covers from her. "Move on. Was it not you who gave me this advice?"

Natasha awoke the moment he pulled away her source of warmth. Her hatred-filled eyes shot him a glare colder than death. "Get away from me!" There was a mixture of hatred and fear in her voice, which was hoarse from crying.

Staring into her glazed-over eyes, he could see his own reflection. Loki had never realized just how menacing he truly looked. The creases between his brows added with the grimace across his face made him feel like he was looking at himself for the first time. In a way, he was. He was finally able to see himself through the eyes of Natasha Romanoff. This was what he looked like to her. A monster…

"I said **go away!**" she snarled as she rose. Her body trembled as she struck him across the face.

Loki rubbed his sore cheek. Oddly enough, she had actually managed to hurt him. Was it the child?

The dumb look across Loki's face angered her even more. "Get the hell away from me!" she screamed. "I don't-" Natasha was cut off with an inner kick to her right side. "Fuck, _fuck_!" she hissed, as she hunched over.

"Natasha!" Loki reached out to her, but his body froze upon seeing her eyes turn into a brilliant crimson colour.

"Don't **touch** me!" Natasha hissed through clenched teeth as her hands pressed against her aching side. She noticed a look of fear in the god's eyes and her brows furrowed in confusion. "Loki…" she breathed. Her eyes returned to their normal shade of emerald.

"I… Forgive me. I should be going." Loki abruptly turned on his heel and left.

"W-…" Natasha didn't know why, but she found herself calling out to him. She hated him, yet at the same time, she longed for him. Before she could stand up, the spawn gave her another good kick in the ribs. Natasha groaned and fell back against the sheets. "Stop it, _stop it_!" she grunted as she punched herself in the side. The little monster's foot moved away from her rib cage and she got up to find Loki. "Loki?" she called out

The god solemnly stepped out into the hallway to greet her. His eyes remained fixed upon her swollen middle-he couldn't bring himself to look her in the eyes Loki now knew the terror Natasha felt upon seeing him in his Jotun form Those blood-red orbs were haunting…

"What happened?" she quietly asked as she folded her arms across her chest.

Was his child turning Natasha into something she wasn't? Her eyes glanced up into his, making him uneasy.

"Loki?" What right did he have to shut her out? _He _was the one at fault here. _He _was the one causing her pain "Loki!" she snapped.

He found himself lost in her familiar green eyes. "You requested to be alone. I simply listened."

Natasha could tell that something was wrong. She had never seen Loki with such a shocked look upon his face before. "What happened back there?"

If his flesh and blood could make Natasha into a Jotun, then she would understand. They would be more alike than ever before. She could be a true monster. Just like him…

"Fine," she muttered. "I'm going to bed." It could've been the middle of the day and she still wouldn't care. Nothing appealed to her more than losing herself to slumber.

"Your eyes…" he breathed, forcing her to stop dead in her tracks. "Your anger made them turn to a marvelous shade of scarlet." Natasha stared at him like he was crazy. "For a moment, I knew exactly how you felt to look me in the eyes out of spite!" The corners of his lips curled up in a cunning grin. "You made me feel _fear_! Not only that," he continued, "but when you struck me, I felt pain-pain that didn't fade in an instant."

Natasha swallowed back the lump forming in her throat. "What are you implying?" she asked in a composed manner. Her hands gave her arms a tight squeeze as she hugged them to her chest.

He licked his lips before revealing to her a toothy smirk. "Our child has Jotun blood in his veins," he explained. "That, my Natasha, is affecting you-it's taking over," he wickedly added.

Natasha held her breath to fight back a gasp.

"Who knows-you may one day find yourself just…like…us," he whispered into her ear.

Loki's breath sent a shiver down her spine, exciting his child within her. She took a cautious step backwards. Had the child been affecting her own humanity? It was tainting her-ruining her...

"This child is truly a gift." He reached out to stroke her middle, but Natasha took another step back.

Her eyes were wide with terror as panic overcame her. Natasha's hatred towards his child only increased. What had she done to deserve this? Was this the atonement for every drop of blood shed? To bear a monster, to mother it, to help it grow… She couldn't live that way. If this was the hand dealt to her, then she had to decline. "After I have this… _baby_." Natasha always had a hard time saying that word. "If it doesn't kill me, then I want you to do it."

"And why would I agree to that?" he asked her.

"I want to die," she stated in a flat tone.

Loki watched as tears rolled down her cheeks. "No," he coldly replied. "You will live, and you will suffer. Together we'll bear that burden, Natasha…" He watched as the woman collapsed to her knees, screaming.


	38. If I can change I hope I never know

**A/N: Thanks for reading/faving/reviewing/following, guys! And to anyone curious, you'll have to just wait and see how things unfold ;) Loki _is _the Trickster, after all. How bad can he possibly be? Let's see...**

**"So if you love me, let me go.**  
**And run away before I know.**  
**My heart is just too dark to care.**  
**I can't destroy what isn't there.**  
**Deliver me into my fate -**  
**If I'm alone I cannot hate**  
**I don't deserve to have you...**  
**My smile was taken long ago**  
**If I can change I hope I never know"**

**Snuff ~Slipknot**

After seeing Natasha's 'transformation,' Loki had grown curious. He wanted to see if he could make more than Natasha's eyes change colour… The rage was what seemed to fuel her. However, Loki could only think of one thing that would surely set her off, and that was his trump card. If he played it now, what would he use against her later? He watched as she slept from a safe distance. After having a fit the previous evening, Natasha had gone back to the safety of the bed. Or was it a place of safety? Loki's mischievous smirk widened as a potentially regretful idea entered his mind. "Natasha," he gently whispered. Her body remained ever so still buried beneath the sheets. He sauntered over towards the bed and crawled over her sleeping form. Slender fingers pulled back the comforter, revealing her mess of short, red curls. Natasha shifted uncomfortably beneath him. Loki pulled back the covers to reveal her sleeping face.

_"You're not the same, Nat. What's he done to you?" Clint sadly asked Natasha._

_This was all just a dream. Natasha was aware of this for one reason-Clint was dead. "What hasn't he done?" she asked. Even if it was a dream, she was going to cherish their time together. She found herself unable to look away from his sad eyes._

_"Look at yourself-you've changed. So much…"_

_"I'm pregnant. Just shut up about…" Her hand fell to her flat stomach. Natasha tore her eyes away from Clint to stare down at herself. This was her body-her own body with no hell-spawn in the way…_

_"Your eyes, Nat," Clint whispered. "They're the colour of blood…" _

_He held out his phone and through the reflective backing, Natasha could see Loki's Jotun eyes staring back. "Loki?" she breathed._

_"Natasha?" Clint's voice suddenly changed into Loki's._

_Glancing up, Clint had vanished and it was Loki who stood before her. "How about a better look?" he smirked. In his hands, he summoned a mirror._

_Natasha gazed into the mirror. Staring back at her was a woman with blood red eyes and blue skin. In the woman's arms, she held a baby with skin as blue as hers. Natasha reached out to touch the mirror and the reflection reached back._

Natasha's eyes fluttered open as she tried to catch her breath. Staring straight into her eyes was Loki with a puzzled look on his face. A yelp of surprise escaped her throat.

"Do your dreams trouble you?" he asked.

"Don't scare me like that!" she gasped.

"Did I?" he teased. "Forgive me, then." He bent down to give her a kiss.

Natasha grabbed a handful of his hair and jerked his head to the side. "Don't touch me!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that," the god informed her. "You have me curious, Natasha," he purred. The comforter vanished from around her body.

Natasha didn't realize her blanket was gone until she felt Loki's abs pressing against her bulge. "Get off!" she growled. "Do you _really_ think I'm in the mood for any of this right now?!" There was no arguing with the god now that he had her pinned down. She could barely even sit up on her own due to her added weight. All Natasha could do was hope that her words would reach him.

Loki had her exactly where he wanted her. He needed her anger, her rage. Sitting back on his haunches, he lifted up her legs and pulled her hips towards his.

"Stop it" she shouted.

"And what will you do if I don't?" His smile widened. There was a look of terror in her eyes-the opposite of what he wanted. "I killed Clint Barton," he began, his tone heavy. "I ripped his limbs right from his flesh!" he continued, his eyes burning with a fiery hatred.

The vision of Clint's final moments played over and over in Natasha's mind. She could see Clint's eyes roll back into his head as Loki tore the arms from their sockets. "Stop it!" her voice hitched.

"I can't stop what has already been done." A hand traced against her milky thigh.

"Don't touch me!" she screamed, punching him in the chest. Part of her wanted to break down in tears, while the other wanted to strangle the god.

"You know he cried out your name before I killed him," he added.

The violent side won over as Natasha's fingers snaked around Loki's windpipe. "Fuck you!" she snarled. Despite how hard she squeezed, she couldn't even make him gag. Any _normal_ man would have been at her mercy, but this was Loki she was dealing with.

"That's it," he hissed. "Show me your hatred!"

Natasha loosened her grip as he spoke. He _wanted_ this. She recalled yesterday with how he had told her that her eyes turned red. This was all just an experiment… "Don't **use **me, you bastard!" He was no different than the Doctors at the Red Room. Loki had gotten under her skin and was messing with her. He knew exactly how to make her tick.

Loki pinned her wrists above her head. He leaned in close to get a better look of her eyes. Nothing. She was still the same, strong-willed Natasha as always.

Natasha could see the disappointment strewn across his cruel features. "Maybe you imagined it."

"I'm certain of what I saw." How could he forget such a thing as those blood-red eyes on her? The red of her hair only added to the attractiveness he saw. He wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Now get off!" she warned him. "And give me the blanket back."

"Haven't you done enough moping?" he wondered. "You should take a good look at just how pathetic you've become," he noted as he got out of the bed.

"Excuse me?!" Natasha demanded. She slowly got up and out of the bed to approach the god. "You killed my friends-what do you expect me to do?! I _care _about them!" she hissed. "You don't understand what it's like because no one cares about **you**!"

Loki turned back to stare at her. There was an evident pain in his eyes that made him seem like a child.

"Odin made the right move in banishing you! Not even your _real _parents wanted you!" she spat. "They were smart to hand you over to-"

Loki seized the woman by the neck and rammed her up against the nearest wall. His teeth were bared as he seethed with anger. "My parents _died_, ignorant harlot!" he spat as he shoved her head back.

Natasha didn't regret a word of what she said. For all she knew, her parents were dead, too. Loki wasn't going to make her feel pity with the 'dead parent' card.

"Do you think I _chose _to live my life with Odin? And Thor!" he hissed. "Thor! Thor! I never heard the end of it!" he shouted, his thumb digging into the underside of Natasha's chin. "I was never good enough for the man I once called 'Father!' I was never good enough for any of them!" he snarled.

"Loki!" Natasha choked out. She began to claw at his arm as her air supply was cut off. He loosened his grip upon noticing her struggling to catch her breath. "You're no different from this thing in me," she breathed. "You're both unwanted." Loki grabbed her by the hair and threw her into the bed. Natasha knew she had taken things too far, but her threats were the only way in which she could hurt him.

His breathing became heavy and erratic as her words sank in. Unwanted… Loki felt that that word best defined his existence. Those who said they loved him-Odin, Frigga, Thor- they were liars. The only one to actually make Loki feel like he belonged was pinned beneath him. "You said you loved me," he gruffly breathed. Natasha's eyes narrowed. Loki felt like a fool for falling in love with the woman. He knew that love never lasted. Yet his heart fell victim to Natasha Romanoff's charm. "You're alone, now," he stated. "We have no one but each other." Their clothing disappeared and despite Natasha's resistance, Loki made her one with him.

"I hate you!" she growled at him.

"How much?" he asked.

"If my eyes turn red, will you stop?" she winced as he drove his cock in further.

"No," he smiled. With every deep thrust, his middle slapped against her stomach. "Does it hurt?" he wondered.

"Yes," she replied, unable to look him in the eyes. She felt humiliated whenever he had sex with her. Her stomach was huge, it hurt whenever his cock went too deep, and she hated him with a passion. She felt like a fool for ever falling for him.

"Do you think he feels anything?" he suddenly wondered.

"Pain," she gasped. Natasha noticed Loki's smile widen. That was the answer he was waiting for.


	39. All this devotion I never knew at all

**"Though the pressure's hard to take**  
**It's the only way I can escape**  
**It seems a heavy choice to make**  
**And now I am under all"**

**Never Let Me Go ~Florence and the Machine**

That night, sleep didn't come easily for Natasha. Loki's child had taken it upon itself to use her insides as its personal punching bag. Her back was also in searing pain. She constantly had to switch sides, choosing between being away from Loki, or facing him. While lying down facing Loki, she wondered how he could possibly stay fast asleep. Not only that-he actually managed to look innocent in doing so. Then again, anyone could look innocent while asleep. She remembered finding Tony asleep in his office using his arms as a pillow. Even the perverted drunkard that was Tony Stark could look like a defenseless child. She managed a smile, but that faded once the tears kicked in. _'You're alone, now' _Loki's remark echoed within her skull. The spawn nudged its foot against her ribs and Natasha sat up, clutching her right side with a whimper.

"Be good to your Mother," Loki tiredly whispered as he placed a hand against her side.

So he _was _awake… "Why do you care?" Natasha huffed. "You're the one that wants us to know pain," she gruffly reminded him.

"I'd rather be the one to cause your pain," he told her with a smirk.

"Sadist," she muttered.

"It would take one to recognise one, Black Widow," he teasingly replied. "You would be lying if you said that you didn't get enjoyment from killing."

That was long ago, Natasha thought to herself. "Get your hand off me," she warned him.

"I'm simply trying to help." He moved his hand across the gentle rise of her middle.

The thing's foot moved away and kicked in the direction of Loki's touch. "It seems to like _you_," she grimaced.

"Really?" Loki sat up and tried to feel for any of his child's subtle movements.

"I'm going back to sleep," Natasha announced. She turned over to lie on her left side with her back facing Loki.

"Good night, Natasha," he whispered.

….

Natasha was slowly being driven to madness. She didn't know how much longer she could last in confinement with Loki. Thankfully, the two had kept their distance over the past couple of days. One day while looking through the bookshelf, she happened upon several beat-up tomes with blank spines. She opened one bound in red fabric and flipped through it. Every page of the book was blank. Glancing behind her to make sure Loki wasn't around, she hugged the book to her chest. She found a quill and an ink bottle atop a mahogany desk. There, Natasha sat and began to scribble down whatever came to mind. She had no one to talk to-Loki made for unpleasant company, so the empty journal seemed like a decent place to vent. She started out by practicing her handwriting with the quill. The first entry she decided to scribble down was an apology to Clint-all in Russian, in case Loki ever got a hold of it. Natasha didn't get very far in the entry, though. For starters, she felt like a diary was childish. Secondly, she broke down into tears after having written three words. _Clint, I'm sorry. _Those three words were the things she could never say. She never got to properly apologise for leaving on bad terms with him. With Clint gone, her apology was to go unheard. Natasha shoved the book back onto the shelf and went to bed.

The next day, she grabbed the book and wrote down the first nightmare she remembered having involving the little monster. Following that entry, she continued to write down her nightmares. She pushed aside the idea of the diary being too juvenile. With nothing else better to do, she wrote down everything she could recall Loki ever doing to her. The rape, the kidnap, the tazing… One day, she began writing hate letters to the spawn in hopes that maybe it would find them one day. _I don't love you, _she wrote at one point. _No one loves you. If you read this, I'm dead. Probably because of you._ _I keep having nightmares about you. You kill me in a lot of them. _Natasha felt that her time was running out. The spawn was a time bomb ticking away in her stomach. She didn't mind, though. Natasha gladly welcomed the death that she believed to be waiting for her. There was no purpose to her life anymore. She made an agreement with herself to bear the monster, then die. Loki didn't want her to die, giving her all the more reason to do it. _With a Dad like yours, you're better off dead, too. Blame Daddy if your life sucks. I've tried killing you multiple times, but he's always stopped me. He's a jackass. A cold, heartless, monster son of a_… Natasha realized that the quill's tip was digging against the paper and tearing it as she wrote about Loki. _Your Father makes me want to kill myself sometimes…_ She crossed out 'sometimes' and replaced it with 'all the time'

_27 weeks today,_ she entitled one entry. _Your Dad's been away somewhere. 'Father of the year,' for sure. He's been distant lately. No clue what that's about, but lucky me._

_27 weeks, 3 days. You're constantly kicking me. Stop it. Loki says you're taking after me-don't. I don't want you to be anything but dead. _Sometimes, Natasha wondered if she was being too cold. Then she realized that she was writing in Russian to a hell-child that she didn't give a damn about.

_28 weeks. Writing in this is aggravating, yet I still do it. If you can read Russian, good for you. You'll realize just how much I hate you._

_28 weeks, 2 days. Loki fucked me, all because I refused to eat. I'm huge, why bother eating? 'Do it for our child,' _she sloppily scribbled. _If he says that one more time… He thinks he's broken me. He's right. I can't put up a fight. I've given up. _The infamous Black Widow, Natasha thought to herself. Domesticated, broken, all by a single man-god, rather. Either way, she felt useless.

_28 weeks, 3 days. I swear, every time he touches me, you seem to react. You dig your foot into my fucking ribcage and don't stop until you feel Daddy's hand. His hands are cold, just like his heart. I hate it. I hate __**him. **__I hate __**you**__._

_28 weeks, 6 days. I miss Clint. I miss Bruce, Tony, Steve, Thor, everyone. I asked Loki if we could visit New York. 'Not with Thanos at large,' he said. Do something useful and take me home. You've gotta be magic-your Dad is. Learn from him. You made my eyes 'Frost Giant red' one night-do that again soon, will you? Loki snuck up on me while I was showering and… _

Natasha let the quill slip from her fingers. He wanted to make her angry, but he only left her in pain. The water had turned ice cold and her body trembled as he took her from behind. "S-stop!" she pleaded.

"Give me anger, Natasha," he hissed. "Show me just how frustrated you are."

Her tears mixed in with the drops of cold water raining down on her face.

Loki grabbed her face and looked into her eyes, only to find that they were red and puffy from crying.

_29 weeks. How is it that I can sleep all day? There's nothing else better to do, I guess. You're making me lazy._

_29 weeks, 1 day. He hit me, the bastard! _Natasha scribbled down her current entry with a tissue pressed against her bleeding nose.

"Surely, you're furious!" he said to her. "Haven't you had enough?!" he demanded.

"Of you, yes," she distantly responded.

"Yet your eyes remain the same," he noted.

"You think I did that by my own choosing?!" she yelled. "Fuck! Why would I? I don't want to look like _you!_" Loki prepared to strike her across the cheek, but she stepped back in time to –unfortunately- receive the worst of the impact to her nose. Natasha swore she heard a crack. She felt blood begin to trickle down her nose and onto the floor. This wouldn't have been the first time she had broken her nose, though. She clenched her fists at her sides and glared up at Loki with a fiery intensity. If her eyes weren't red, now…

"They're green," Loki remarked in disappointment.

Natasha punched him square in the nose and to her surprise, she saw blood.

_It was worth injuring my right hand for,_ she finished.

_29 weeks, 2 days. Hitting Loki only led to my 'punishment.' And no, I didn't learn my lesson. I'd _gladly _punch him again._

Natasha returned the book to the shelf and went to find Loki. He was in his study, reading from a large book at his desk. "Can I ask you something?" she asked from the doorway.

He glanced up at her and shut the book. "Ask away."

"What happens if the kid messes up? You don't show _me_ any mercy," she added.

"I'll simply ignore him. He may do as he pleases."

"What if it hits you?" she wondered.

A smile formed across his lips. "I'll fight back."

_Don't piss your Dad off. That's the only advice I'll give you._

_29 weeks, 5 days. He kept my stingers. I only know this because he tazed me again. Just woke up today… Still no red eyes, but I gave your Dad a black one._

_30 weeks. Still feeling sore from that tazing. Between that, my back, and my side, everything hurts. _

_30 weeks, 2 days. He bought me Chinese last night. 'I'm sorry,' he said. Yeah, sorry for fucking _tazing _you! Here's some food as an apology! Does he not get that I'm already fat enough as it is? I still ate it, though. I've been craving it for a while. Sometimes I wonder what happened to the Loki from that one night. We had Chinese, so maybe that's why I thought of it. _Natasha felt that that night was all just a dream… _He kissed me, but it wasn't like the other kisses. This one was gentle-it felt… right, I guess. Your dad thinks he's a monster, but he's not. I told him that before. His Jotun form or whatever isn't scary, so if he turns all blue with red eyes, don't worry-he's still Loki. I think you'll look like that when you're born, though, so you shouldn't worry. Loki's not a bad guy when you get him in a good mood. Give him pudding, or something-he likes that… But after we kissed, I couldn't stop thinking about it. The next day, I kissed him back, just to see if the spark was there. And it was. Believe me, it _was. _In that moment, I was in love. He told me not to forget the moment, and I haven't. I never will, either. 'Know that I truly love you, Natasha,' he said to me. _Her feelings from that day were making their way back to the surface. He killed them, Natasha reminded herself. He killed Clint… _Then I found out that he killed everyone I cared about. Not only that, he made me watch them die. He said he loved me, but that's not love. I thought he meant it when he said it. But Loki lies. _She had never felt so conflicted before-she hated him, but remembering those feelings from that day weren't to be forgotten so easily.

_30 weeks, 4 days. Loki knows me better than anyone else-is that sad to say? He really is, though. He knows what it's like to be alone. He knows what it's like to be lied to. He knows what it means to come undone. Oddly enough, he's that missing piece of me. I guess what I really want is for Loki to move on. He needs the strength to let go of everything that's happened to him and moved forward. I once told him that no one cares about him and that he was unwanted, but I lied. Thor cares. And if Thor doesn't care, _I _will. He's not alone. Even if everyone turns against Loki, I'll be there for him. Redemption is easy. If it weren't for Clint Barton, I'd still be one of the bad guys. He was my redemption, so I want to be Loki's. _A tear hit the page and smudged some of the ink. "Shit," she breathed, wiping her eyes. Natasha couldn't bring herself to write anymore. She had meant every word of what she left on the red book was where the truth was to be kept. Like her apology to Clint, her words of wisdom to Loki were to stay in between the pages of aged parchment. After that confession, she decided to put the journal back into its proper place. Maybe the spawn would find it one day. It would show the book to Loki and they would learn Russian. Only then would Loki see the truth… Natasha hoped to be dead if that day ever came.

**"And the arms of the ocean so sweet and so cold**  
**And all this devotion I never knew at all**  
**In the crushes of heaven for a sinner released**  
**And the arms of the ocean delivered me"**


	40. When I thought I'd reached the bottom

**"Don't want your hand this time - I'll save myself.**  
**Maybe I'll wake up for once **  
**Not tormented daily defeated by you**  
**Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom"**

**Going Under ~Evanescence**

A week passed and Natasha hadn't even been tempted to write in the journal. In her mind, the book was complete.

Earlier in the day, Loki had taken advantage of Natasha in hopes of seeing her eyes change colour. His rough foul play failed him, yet again, leaving both of them equally frustrated. Natasha was sick of him constantly getting on her nerves, while Loki was disappointed in not seeing any Jotun attributes arise.

That night Loki's child incessantly kicked Natasha in the side. Unable to sleep, she decided to get up and read her journal under the moonlight streaming in from the balcony. Natasha sat down on the floor and leaned against the wall as she read.

"Natasha?" Loki quietly asked. He sat up in the bed to carefully watch her.

"I couldn't sleep," she admitted. "I'm fine."

He eyed her suspiciously before he returned to sleep.

Natasha began to re-read her final entry, but the monster's kicks became unbearable. She bit her lip and shoved the book under the draping curtains. Her body couldn't move as it seized up in pain. "Loki?" she called out.

He was at her side before she could blink. "Is he coming?" he breathed. "It's still too early, for-"

"Just help me up," she interrupted.

"Of course." He took her hand in his and suddenly realized that it was colder than normal. Loki figured that her body was adapting for the child's sake. "Have you noticed-"

"Fuck!" Natasha hissed. She let go of his hand and fell back against the wall, grabbing her right side.

"Here," he offered, "let me." His fingers gingerly pressed against the contours of her ribs, making Natasha wince. "Is it that bad?"

"The damn thing's foot is stuck there or something!" she whined.

Carefully, he lifted up her shirt to find traces of a bruise forming. Loki hadn't realized just how badly Natasha had it until now.

"That bad, huh?" she asked with a smirk.

"He certainly puts up a fight like his Mother," he noted.

"You still think it's a boy?"

Loki smiled. "Do you hope for a daughter?"

Natasha pulled down her shirt. "I'm not even sure if this thing's even human."

"A demigod," Loki corrected her.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm getting a drink." She left the room, only to have Loki follow her. "Go back to sleep." She would have preferred to be alone.

"I'm awake now, so I'll accompany you."

Lucky me, Natasha thought to herself. She opened up the fridge and found Loki's pudding staring her in the face. Natasha grabbed one and took it to the dining room table with her.

"Are you stealing from me?" Loki playfully asked from his end of the table.

Natasha shot him a glare. She was in no mood for any of his games. Right now, she was tired and in pain. The least he could do was let her suffer alone. She peeled back the pudding's lid and realized that she forgot a spoon. Slowly and carefully, she rose from the table.

"Forgetting something?"

"I can get it myself," she muttered.

"A spoon?" Loki guessed. "I'll get you one." He got up and brushed past her.

"I can get it myself!" she shouted. "I don't need your help!" Natasha barely made it into the kitchen when the thing kicked her so hard, she heard a crack. Judging from Loki's alarmed expression, he heard it, too. Natasha grabbed the entryway's frame for balance. A sharp pain radiated in her side as she sharply inhaled. Her breaths became short and shallow as breathing became too painful.

Loki rushed to her side and pressed his hand against her ribs. He could feel that two of them had been broken. His magic managed to heal her before any further damage could be done.

"Little bastard!" Natasha hissed once she was healed. How was a baby that strong? There was no way it was human. "Tell me that this is _supposed _to happen!" she snapped at Loki. "Tell me how normal it is for the thing to break my fucking ribs!" There was a flicker of red in her eyes as she broke out in anger. Loki grabbed her face between his hands and looked her in the eyes. Natasha knew by his actions that he had seen her eyes change. He was probably _glad _the monster broke her ribs. This was exactly what he wanted to happen. "You're sick! I don't want-"

"You'll be just fine, Natasha," he assured her in a somber manner. Like her, he, too, was shocked by the child's strength. He knew that she was only human. If the child became stronger than her, she would only suffer. He needed her to remain calm for the child's sake.

She was taken aback by his words. Was he really worried about her?

"Just stay strong until he is born. You don't have to wait much longer." He managed a reassuring smile as his thumb stroked her cheek.

Natasha's face felt hot and she averted her gaze. "Thank you."

"Let's you and I get some rest now," he told her.

"You go ahead," she said quietly. "I need some time to think…"

Loki lowered his hands from her face. "Call out if you need anything," he added before he left.

Once he disappeared from her view, Natasha pressed a hand to her right side. The pain was gone and she could feel that her ribs were intact. She could feel the little demon continue to move about from within. Loki was right-she didn't have much longer. In less than five weeks, her nine months would be up. However, Natasha couldn't wait that long. She managed to get down onto her knees. Opening up one of the bottom cabinets, she found a set of extra sharp steak knives in a wooden holder. She pulled one out and leaned back against the cabinets. Natasha couldn't put up with the monster taking up residence in her any longer. Enough was enough. Lifting her shirt, she pressed the tip of the blade below her naval where she could feel the head. If this was her final moment, then she could accept her fate. She dug the knife into her flesh and clenched her teeth as she broke the skin. Make it quick, she told herself. She knew that she wouldn't live long before bleeding out. Blood began to gush from the incision. Natasha's breathing grew ragged as the knife cut through another inch of flesh. She watched as the blood began to pool around her and felt lightheaded. Natasha's finger dipped into the incision site. The cut she made was barely an inch deep. She needed to go further. A scream escaped her throat as the blade dug further into her flesh. She couldn't continue this alone in her state of dizziness. Natasha recalled the dream in which Loki was the one to cut the child out. "L…Loki!" Her voice was nothing more than a whisper as she weakly called out to him.

"Natasha!"

She heard her name in the form of an echo. "H-help it," she rasped before her vision went black.


	41. I hear you say you want to end your life

**"This world will never be**  
**What I expected**  
**And if I don't belong**  
**Who would have guessed it**  
**I will not leave alone**  
**Everything that I own**  
**To make you feel like it's not too late**  
**It's never too late"**

**Never Too Late ~Three Days Grace**

The faint pitter patter of rain against the glass awoke Natasha. For a split second, she had forgotten why she was there in bed. Then it hit her-the monster. She could feel it begin to move about inside of her. "No!" she gasped. Struggling to sit upright, she raised her shirt to feel for a scar. Nothing… _Loki, _she reminded herself. She wanted him to help her cut the thing out, but he only sealed her back up again.

"You're awake." Loki began to approach the bed with a stern look on his face. "Why did you try to kill him?" he snarled.

"I was going to cut him out!" she retorted. "It's gonna need to come out sooner or later."

"He's not ready, Natasha," Loki tersely informed her.

Her head fell back against the headboard. "Please, Loki," she weakly pleaded. "It's hurting me-it broke my ribs last night!" she added. "Doesn't than mean _anything _to you?!"

"You've been asleep for three days," he informed her. "Let him finish growing, Natasha. His time will come."

"I really hate you." Her fingers clenched around the bed sheets.

"Do you?" he asked as he seated himself on the bed's edge.

"Just let me die already," she muttered.

"You're not going to die," Loki calmly assured her.

Natasha turned over with her back to Loki. So long as _he _was around, death was going to have a difficult time reaching her.

….

When Natasha awoke the next morning, Loki had already awoken. She didn't bother to wonder where he was. Her stomach was growling and she made getting breakfast her first priority. After sitting down with a stack of pancakes, Loki appeared in the kitchen's entryway. In his hand was a familiar red book that made Natasha nearly drop her fork.

Loki approached the table, cradling the book beneath his arm. His eyes were empty and his mouth was a thin line.

"I wrote in that," Natasha admitted. She couldn't exactly read Loki's blank expression, but she assumed he was angry. Maybe she wasn't _supposed _to write in his books. There was a good chance that it was a rare relic of some kind…

"I can tell," he curtly answered.

"Just some poetry," she casually lied. "It gave me something to do."

Loki's saddened eyes met with hers. He flipped the book open to the first page and began to read. "'Dear Clint, I'm sorry,'" he began in English.

Natasha slammed her fork down on the table. She had suddenly lost her appetite. "Loki…" she growled in a warning tone. Since when could he read Russian? "Put it down."

Loki chose to ignore her and continued to read. "'27 weeks today. Your Dad's been away some-"

She jumped out of her chair and ran to the other end of the table. "Stop it!" Her hand reached out and ripped the page straight from the binding.

"Is there something you didn't want me to see, Natasha?" he wondered.

"Just give it back!" Her face felt hot all of a sudden. How much of her journal had he read?

Loki reluctantly handed over the book. "Don't worry. I already have the pages I want…" He withdrew three neatly folded pages from within the inner folds of his trench coat. "I believe these were intended for my eyes?"

Natasha didn't need to flip through the red book to see which pages were missing. She already knew. "Just give those back," she said in a low growl.

"I've already read them."

Natasha shouldn't have cared. After all, she had written those words in hopes that Loki would one day read them. But those words were meant to be seen by him after she was dead. Not now while she was still alive.

Loki stared down at the yellowed parchment in his hands. His thumb traced over the tear stain on the page. "Why do you wish to die?" His voice was strained with pain. He lifted his eyes to meet with her face. "Natasha…"

"This thing's going to kill me, Loki." Natasha wasn't superstitious, but between dying in her dreams, the monster breaking her ribs, and the death of her friends, she had lost her will to live.

"I promise you he won't." Loki tucked the papers away and reached out to stroke her cheek. "You wrote that you wanted to be my redemption. How can you do that if death takes you?"

"Figure of speech," she shrugged, staring at the floor.

"Don't lie, Natasha." His voice was calm and quiet as his hands held hers. "Everything you wrote, the last page, especially… it touched me. You've captivated me, Natasha Romanoff." He gave her hands a gentle squeeze. "I truly meant it when I said I loved you, Natasha," he admitted.

Her eyes met with his. There was a tightening in her chest brought forth by her feelings of longing. Think of what he's done to you, Natasha reminded herself. "I meant everything I wrote, but I don't love you, Loki. Not after you killed my friends."

"I didn't," said Loki quickly.

"_Thanos_ did, but you-"

"That was a lie," he admitted. "A vision I conjured to hurt you…"

"They're alive?!" she gasped, her eyes wide.

"Please understand that I-"

"You **lied **to me!" she snarled. "You made me watch them die just to _hurt_ me?!" she exclaimed.

"I was going to tell you the truth, Natasha," he added in defense. "You said you loved me-love won't work for us. You need to hate me…"

"Oh, I do! Don't worry!" she shouted, punching him in the chest. "Do you know what you put me through!?" she demanded. "You put me through hell! You made me want to kill myself-and I still do! I want to **die **because of you!" The red slowly began to take over the green of her eyes.

"Natasha!" Loki grabbed her by the shoulders. He wanted to see if she could possibly become a Jotun like him, but that was before he read her journal. Now, Loki wanted nothing more than for Natasha to stay herself. "I'll take you to see them-to New York!" he promised with desperation in his eyes.

The anger ceased and her eyes returned to their normal shade of emerald. "You'll take me home," she breathed in disbelief.

"Right now," he promised. "I never meant for this to become so out of hand. But I love you, Natasha. I need you to know that."

"I…" she hesitated. "I want to go home…but I can't face them like this…"

"Not even Clint Barton?" he asked.

His question had left Natasha torn. She desperately wanted to see her partner, but if he saw her now, he would surely die of shock. Clint was the one person to know all of her secrets, though. He needed to know this one… "It's not permanent, is it?"

"No," he somberly replied.

"Can you take me to my apartment, then?" she asked. "I'll call him and let him meet me there."

"Of course," Loki agreed. "Just promise me one thing, Natasha." Her eyes anxiously stared into his. "Promise me that you'll continue living. Unlike myself, you're strong, Natasha. Remember that." Natasha slipped her fingers between his and they were off.

**"Even if I say**  
**It'll be alright**  
**Still I hear you say**  
**You want to end your life**  
**Now and again we try**  
**To just stay alive**  
**Maybe we'll turn it all around**  
**'Cause it's not too late**  
**It's never too late"**

**Never Too Late ~Three Days Grace**


	42. Yours completely, yours as we go over

**"Crimson and bare as I stand**  
**Yours completely,**  
**Yours as we go over"**

**Cold ~ Aqualung & Lucy Schwartz**

Natasha's apartment was exactly as she had left it. After glancing around her bedroom, she found that not a thing had been moved out of place. It felt odd to be home after so long. The feeling was similar to when she finally came back from a long mission. Natasha led Loki over to her phone in the living room. She picked it up, dialed Clint's number, and sat on the couch.

"Nat!" Clint had picked up on the first ring. "This number!" he gasped.

"Clint," she began in a composed manner, "I need you to calm down."

"You're home?!" he exclaimed.

This was no time for excitement. This was a serious moment. "Calm!" she hissed. Sometimes, Clint Barton was just like a child.

"Right." He took a deep breath. "Are you, though?"

"Come to my apartment alone, alright?" she asked.

"I'll be right over!"

"Alone!" she barked. "Don't tell anyone, Barton!"

"I can't even tell? C'mon, Nat, they're worr-"

"Alone," she repeated. "I'm not staying."

"Why?" he demanded as he broke out into a sprint. He ran past several S.H.I.E.L.D. employees who shot him dirty looks.

Natasha hesitated. "You'll see." She set the phone back onto the receiver and sank back into the couch. "Just hide somewhere," she warned Loki. "Clint's already gonna have a heart attack when he sees _me_…"

"After this, I figured that we stay somewhere familiar to you until the baby comes," said Loki.

She raised a brow. "Familiar how?"

"Your place of origin," he answered "It's far enough away and you'll have access to a hospital."

"Why are you suddenly being reasonable?" she wondered.

"Think of it as an apology. I believe I should go find a place to 'hide.'" He proceeded to wander her apartment's hallway.

Natasha watched his back as he walked away. Loki was about to make things too easy for her…

Fourteen minutes passed and an obnoxious knock startled Natasha. "Nat!" Clint exclaimed.

"Shit," she breathed. This was it… Staring down at her large stomach, she knew there was no hiding this. "Clint?" she called from the other side of the door. Her body was shaking from nervousness.

"Nat! Let me in, would you?"

"Look, Barton," she began, her hand on the door's handle. "Promise me you'll remain calm…"

"Did something happen?" he wondered.

"Just… stay calm." Slowly, she opened the door and Clint threw his arms around her.

Clint hugged her tightly. He couldn't believe that she was finally home. She was back. The same old Natasha. Or was she? He felt her protruding stomach and stepped back. His eyes fell to her middle and he was silent.

"Clint?" Natasha stared at his wide eyes and knew this wasn't going to end well.

"Is this a new disguise or something?" he wondered.

"It's real," she warily informed him.

He managed a smile. "Geez, Nat, what'd you eat?"

"I'm pregnant!" she snapped, giving him a punch to the shoulder.

"I didn't wanna say it," Clint sheepishly admitted, rubbing his shoulder. He couldn't tear his eyes away from her midriff. "But is it…" Clint couldn't bring himself to say the name. Loki was the only man Natasha had been with, to his knowledge, at least. Is _this _what had been going on between the two during her 'kidnapping?'

"It's Loki's, yeah," she shamefully replied. "I don't want it, Clint-believe me… Things just happened."

"Since when were you and _Loki _together?" His eyes narrowed as he finally looked her in the eyes.

"We're not. He just did this on his own…" Her gaze shifted to the tile floor.

"Wait-he _raped _you?!" Clint demanded. "Nat, where is he?"

"He's not here!" The last thing she needed was to have them fight. Clint would've lost his arms for good if he tried to fight the god. She needed to change the subject somehow. "You look better," she noticed as she stared at his arms. His casts were gone and he seemed back to normal.

"Don't small talk me, Nat!" he gruffly warned her. "If he's not here, then how did you get here?"

"Look, Clint." She rested a hand against his chest. "I have to go. So do you."

"You're going back? With _him?!_" he exclaimed. "Don't be stupid!"

"Clint, he could kill you- you know what Loki's capable of," she reminded him. "I have to go."

"I can't let you…"

"Trust me on this, Barton," she warned him. "Besides, I can't face the others like this. Just tell them I'll be home soon. Call off any crazy searches." She wrapped her arms around her partner's waist.

"Don't go," he pleaded.

"I'll come back," she whispered. "Just wait."

"Nat…"

"Please go," she mouthed.

"I can't."

"Dammit, Clint! Leave!" she shouted on the brink of tears.

He gave her one last look before turning away. "Good luck, Nat. You know-with that." He eyed her middle.

"It's not coming back with me. Don't worry," she promised. "I'm sorry, Clint," she said before shutting the door in his face. Finally, she got to tell Clint those three words she had written down in the red book. "I'm ready, Loki," she announced.

Clint stared at the door, then turned on his heel to leave. The others were going to be relieved to hear that she was safe, he assured himself. He reached for his phone in his side pocket, only to find it missing. Clint was positive that he had it-he clearly remembered talking to Natasha on it while he left the S.H.I.E.L.D. base. Then it hit him-Natasha's hug. She didn't do that as a romantic gesture… "You better know what you're doing, Nat," he whispered.

"Are you alright?" Loki could see tears forming in the red-head's eyes.

"Fine," she lied. Deep down, Natasha was grateful to see Clint again. She was glad that he was alive-that was what mattered most. Loki outstretched his hand and she accepted it. Her free hand traced over the silhouette of Clint's phone that she managed to sneak into her front pocket.


	43. Monster, how should I feel?

**"****His little whispers,**

**'Love me, love me**  
**That's all I ask for**

**Love me, love me.'**

**He battered his tiny fists to feel something**

**Wondered what it's like to touch and feel something**

**Monster,**

**How should I feel?**

**Creatures lie here**

**Looking through the window"**

**Monster ~Meg and Dia**

"Tony!" Clint exclaimed the moment he burst through the glass doors to the lab. He was sweating and breathing heavily after running up three flights of stairs.

"What's the problem, bird brain?" Tony remarked as he tinkered with a touch screen.

"Clint, you look like you've seen a ghost," Bruce commented. He looked away from his computer screen to acknowledge his teammate.

"Tony! My phone-how can I track it?!" he panted.

"Did you lose it from your nest again?" he snidely remarked.

"Nat!" he gasped. "She has it-sh-she was here."

"Clint, how about you take a seat," said Bruce. "Take a deep breath and tell us what happened."

"Jarvis! I need you to track our bird's phone!" Tony ordered.

"Right away," said a computerized voice.

"Here." Bruce offered Clint a seat at the lab table.

Clint took a deep breath and ran a hand through his damp hair before speaking. "She was just in her apartment," he began. "Loki brought her here, but she couldn't stay."

"Why the hell not?" Tony demanded.

Clint's eyes narrowed as he was reminded of his partner's 'condition.' She trusted him with her secret, so he had to keep it. "Loki had to take her back, but she took my phone-they must be somewhere nearby!" he exclaimed.

"Sir, I have a location," Jarvis announced over the PA. "The current location is Moscow, Russia. I am setting the coordinates as we speak."

"Damn he moves fast!" said Tony. "Let's suit up and go teach Loki a lesson!"

"No!" Clint couldn't let them see Natasha. "I need to go alone!"

"Wasn't it Loki who snapped both of your arms?" Tony questioned. "You can't do this alone-we're a team," he reminded Clint.

"She doesn't want to see you!" said Clint quickly. "She doesn't want to see _any _of us."

Tony and Bruce both blinked. "Look, I know Romanoff's stubborn, but if her ass is in danger, we gotta go save the princess," Tony remarked.

"You can't!" Clint couldn't tell them the truth. Natasha would be furious. "Just… let me go alone… I'll stay with her until she decides to come back."

"Why doesn't she want to come back?" Bruce asked, curious.

Clint's teammates certainly weren't making this easy on him… "She does, but she can't-not yet."

"She _wants _to stay with Loki? What is this, Stockholm Syndrome?" Tony remarked. "We've gotta hurry up and get her ASAP."

"She's pregnant," said Clint weakly. He hung his head in shame upon revealing Natasha's secret.

"Pardon?" Bruce asked.

Clint squeezed his eyes shut. I'm sorry, Natasha, he told himself. "Loki raped her or something... she's pregnant. And she doesn't want to see anybody…"

Tony and Bruce's eyes widened in shock. Under any normal circumstance, Tony would have made a joke, but this was serious.

"Did she say how far along she was?" Bruce asked. "She's been gone for nearly seven months as it is…"

Clint shrugged. "She looked ready to pop, I guess…" He recalled their last mission together when Natasha had been ill. She didn't want Bruce to look over her-had Natasha known even before then? "She said she was gonna come home after her kid was born-not with it, though…"

"I'll give Fury the head's up. Jarvis, round up Thor and Capsicle, and get the jet ready!"

"You can't tell Fury-Nat will _kill_ me!"

"Tell her it's my fault," Tony smirked. "That'll give her a valid reason to strangle me," he jokingly added.

…..

The two had settled in a small hotel that wasn't too occupied with tourists. Natasha was just grateful to be back on earth with people other than Loki. Despite the inhabitants, Loki made Natasha stay inside their suite, except for going out to get dinner. Natasha didn't feel much like talking, especially to Loki. She found that he couldn't be trusted. One minute, her friends were dead, and the next, they had been alive all along. Loki had tried to pressure her into talking, though. He wanted to know exactly how she felt towards him.

"You say you believe I can change," he said once they had laid down in the Queen-sized bed together.

"It's late, Loki," Natasha groaned. She was tired and in no mood to deal with his questions. "What happened to me having to hate you?" she grumbled as she pulled the covers up to her chin.

Loki kept his mouth shut after her remark. As much as he wanted the woman to despise him, he couldn't help but feel a certain longing for her. He rose from the bed and grabbed the jacket of his designer suit. Hidden in the breast pocket were Natasha's words, meant solely for his eyes. Loki didn't know how much longer he could keep up his façade. He wanted Natasha to know the whole truth, but he was afraid-afraid of love. No one could love a monster such as himself. In the end, he would only bring her pain…

…..

Loki awoke early in the morning to a tapping at the window. He sat up in the bed, only to find the man of Iron knocking on the glass. In his peripheral vision, he could see that Natasha was still fast asleep at his side. How had he managed to find him? He never told Natasha where they were headed.

Iron Man unleashed a blast directly through the window and burst in through a cloud of smoke. "Let her go, Loki!" Tony shouted at the god. However, once the smoke cleared, the bed was empty…

…

"How did _he_ find us?!" Loki seethed as he violently shook Natasha's shoulder.

"What the hell?" she tiredly whined.

"The Man of Iron found us!" he snapped. "How did he know!?"

Natasha looked around at her surroundings, only to find that they had returned to Loki's universe. "No," she gasped. Not only had Clint blabbed, but her plan of escape had failed. Tears formed in the corners of her eyes as he stared out past the balcony.

"**How **did he know?!" Loki demanded in a raised voice. Natasha's silence forced him to grab her chin and jerk her head forward. "How. Did. He. Know?" his voice hissed.

Natasha opened her mouth to speak, but the words wouldn't come out.

"Do I need to _force _it out of you?" He shoved the woman down on the bed and grabbed her by the neck.

"I-I took Clint's phone!" she admitted as the tears freely fell. "He was supposed to come alone," she choked out in a panic.

Loki's face inched closer to hers. "You planned to escape?" His breath hit her like an icy chill.

"Wh-what do you expect?" she stammered. "Just let me go. Please-Loki!" she begged.

"As if you can run, you foolish bitch!" he sneered. "To think I was going to let you stay on your beloved Midgard! You'll never see it!" he barked. "Never again!" He grabbed the waistband of her sleep shorts and yanked them down. "You've re-awakened the monster, Natasha," he warned her with his teeth bared.

"I'm sorry. Loki, I'm-" Apologies weren't enough, though. Natasha had brought the punishment upon herself.

**"That night he caged her**  
**Bruised and broke her**  
**He struggled closer**  
**Then he stole her**  
**Violet wrists and then her ankles**  
**Silent Pain**  
**Then he slowly saw their nightmares were his dreams"**

**Monster ~Meg and Dia**


	44. A kiss with a fist is better than none

**"My black eye casts no shadow**  
**Your red eye sees no pain**  
**Your slaps don't stick**  
**Your kicks don't hit**  
**So we remain the same**  
**Blood sticks, sweat drips**  
**Break the lock if it don't fit**  
**A kick in the teeth is good for some**  
**A kiss with a fist is better than none**  
**A-woah a kiss with a fist is better than none"**

**Kiss With a Fist ~Florence and the Machine**

"Natasha, come eat- it's well past the morning," he warned her the following afternoon.

"I don't want to be _near _you." Her voice was muffled from beneath the covers.

Loki ripped the blanket away from her body and Natasha shot him a deadly glare. "You're acting ridiculous."

"Just leave me alone! Is that too much to ask?" she demanded. Natasha struggled to sit upright.

"And let you attempt suicide? I think not." Loki wrinkled his nose in disgust. "You are not a coward, Ms. Romanoff."

"That has absolutely **nothing **to do with this situation!" she yelled. "I don't care if I am a coward-as long as it gets me away from _you_." She reached out to slap him across the cheek. "You think you're so damn better than me!" she fumed. "You said you loved me-what the hell happened to that?!"

"Natasha, you betrayed me," he solemnly reminded her.

"Oh, _I _betrayed _you_?!" She forced a sarcastic laugh. "This is coming from the guy whose whole life is a lie!" she spat.

Loki's fingers tightly grasped her windpipe. "So says the mighty and proud Black Widow!" he snarled. "How often have _you_ lied?!"

Her nails began to dig into his wrist. "I said I loved you and wrote in that damn book-those were all lies!" she growled.

"Your words were far too honest, Natasha," Loki taunted. "You poured out your heart in between those pages."

"Well, I don't mean them now. I **hate** you!" she darkly stated. "But that's what you want, right?"

Loki's mouth formed a straight line.

"_Right_?!"

He released his hold over her and turned away.

"If this was the other way around, I'd be answering to your dick," she murmured as she returned to bed.

Loki took her snide remark as a challenge. "That mouth of yours will only lead you to trouble." He sauntered over towards the bed and crawled over her.

"Get away from me!" she bit. Natasha elbowed him in the ribs, but the god wouldn't budge.

"You know there's no use in fighting," he casually warned her as he flipped her onto her back.

"Don't you get tired of this?" she asked. "It's always the same."

"Not today." He pulled his lips back to reveal his perfect teeth. "Today is the day you learn to watch your mouth, Ms. Romanoff." He sat up on his haunches to get rid of his multiple belts and unfasten his pants. "You will be 'answering to my dick,' as you phrased it."

"You're disgusting! No thank you!" She turned her head towards the balcony window. The last thing she wanted was Loki choking her with his cock again.

Loki positioned himself over her breasts. "Open that impudent mouth of yours," he whispered as a hand grabbed the headboard.

The scent of ice and blood filled the air around Natasha. She didn't need to make eye contact to know that Loki's hips pushed towards her face.

Loki's free hand grabbed a handful of red curls and forced her lips to his tip. "Open!" he commanded. "Unless you'd rather I use force," he teased.

Natasha's deadly gaze remained fixed upon Loki's face as she took him in. The next thing she knew, he thrust into her and she made a gagging sound.

"Your mouth is sweltering," he groaned. Both of his hands grabbed the headboard. The hot wetness of the woman's mouth made him buck his hips deeper into her.

Natasha grunted in discomfort. Sick of Loki and his games, she bit down on his cock. For once, _she _was the one in control.

"_Fuck!_" Loki moaned, biting down on his lower lip. The assassin took pride in her accomplishment and bit down even harder. "Bitch!" A hand reached down to squeeze her windpipe. Gagging, Natasha unclenched her jaw, allowing Loki to free himself. "We'll do this in the old-fashioned manner, then."

Before Natasha could catch her breath, Loki had made her clothes disappear. A finger slipped inside her pussy and easily found her weak spot. She pursed her lips and tightly shut her eyes.

"Tell me you want me to stop," the god crooned. "Lie to me about how you _despise _this." His thumb rubbed against her clit and he heard her whimper.

"There's no point," she gasped. Natasha wished there was a way to simply cut his fingers off. He knew her body's needs all too well. "Y-you'll only keep going."

Loki paused as the fun seemed to all drain away from his little game. What fun was she if she refused to put up a fight?

Why did he stop all of a sudden? Without realizing it, Natasha's hips were bucking against his fingers. She was going to blame her hormones for making her need him. Why else would she react in such a way? Her body may have yearned for him, but her heart loathed him.

The god took notice of Natasha's body as she arched her back in desperation. A witty grin replaced his frown. "You seem anxious," he noticed.

Natasha took a deep breath. She couldn't let her carnal needs get the best of her now.

Loki pulled his sticky fingers from her entrance and she groaned. "Do you want me, Natasha?" he playfully wondered. His index finger traced against Natasha's lower lip, leaving behind a glistening trail of her own fluids.

"No," she defiantly stated.

"Are you sure?" he prodded. "I believe your body begs to differ…" He lowered his head to meet with her hot center.

Natasha couldn't see his head past her stomach, but she knew that he was up to no good. "Loki, don't-" His tongue slipped past her folds and she gasped.

Loki was pleased to have regained his dominance. He began to tease her with his tongue and she began to moan.

"I-I hate you!" Natasha groaned.

Loki begged to differ as his tongue lapped up a trail of her cum. "You've become far more sensitive, haven't you?" He wiped the excess fluids away with his thumb.

"Shut up," she muttered in embarrassment.

"You're blushing, Natasha," he slyly informed her. Unable to resist, he leaned over to give her a kiss.

Natasha struggled to pull away as Loki's tongue fought with hers. She could taste herself on his tongue and felt sick. Her teeth bit down on his tongue and Loki immediately stopped.

"Would you enjoy doing something more intimate?" Loki already had his fingers around his erect cock.

Loki was going to be the death of her. There had to be a way Natasha could escape him. She did have one escape plan in mind and she was sure it would work, so long as she didn't upset Loki. "Just get it over with…"


	45. I'm tearing down these walls I've made

**A/N: Tomorrow morning and tomorrow night, I'll post a chapter, so there will be two chapters instead of one. Also, you guys should vote for Scarlett Johansson and Tom Hiddleston in the Kid's Choice Awards because of reasons. I love you all!**

**"And I'm tearing down the walls I've made**  
**To try and keep girls like you away**  
**But still you'll find your way right back into my heart**  
**And am I the only one like this**  
**That's finding it hard to be missed**  
**I've been waiting here for just one kiss**  
**From someone else's lips"**

**Letters and Love Notes ~Go Radio**

Natasha waited a week before deciding to put her master plan into action. There was no phone, no Clint, no anybody that could possibly help her. This time, it was up to Loki. If he truly cared for her, then he would help her.

…

Shortly after Natasha had settled down for a nap, Loki went into his study where he kept Natasha's journal. He flipped it open to the first blank page available and grabbed his quill. _Natasha, words cannot fully express how sorry I truly am._ He hesitated before continuing. Loki had no intentions on letting her ever know the truth, which was why he decided to commit his deepest secrets to paper, just as Natasha had done. _Know that despite my cruel actions, I love you, Natasha. So much that it hurts. The reason I wish for you to hate me is due to the selfishness of my own heart. I haven't had the best of luck in dealing with matters of love. Between Thor and my 'parents,' I always felt second best. Even as a small child I could sense that. I felt as though I was unworthy of the love my so called Mother and Father tried to give me. It was clear to me that Thor was their pride. I tried to earn the love I felt that I deserved from my parents, but in the end, Thor always won them over. When I turned to Thor for love, he seemed far more concerned with his friends-one being Volstagg, whom I mentioned once. We did have our fair share of moments as Brothers, but the feeling never lasted. Thor would always say 'when I'm King,' or something of the sort that would bring back the loneliness lurking within me. I never felt like I belonged. When Odin told me of my true parentage, I understood why I felt that way. Knowing that I was born a monster destroyed me. You know that feeling, though, Natasha. Only you could understand what it was like to have lived a lie. Love isn't for monsters like myself, Natasha. _He cringed at his own words. _In regards to our child, he or she will also be born a monster. I know that there isn't hope for a child with parents as flawed as ourselves to find happiness. Which is why-_

"Loki!" Natasha screamed.

He threw his quill aside and made a dash for the bedroom.

Natasha had her hands pressed against her large middle. "I-I think it's coming!" she gasped.

"Already?" Loki's eyes lit up as he accompanied her on the bed.

"Fuck!" she swore as she hunched forward.

"You'll be alright, Natasha," Loki assured her as he placed his hand on the small of her back.

"I feel like I'm dying," she groaned.

"Give him time, Natasha. He'll be born soon enough."

She shot him a cold glare. "Don't just sit there, idiot-get me help!" she demanded.

He began to rub her back. "Women have gone unassisted in childbirth for centuries. You'll be fine, Natasha."

She winced. "You said you'd take me to Asgard!" she yelled at him.

Loki's smirk widened. "Lies, my darling. Besides, I don't believe that any child of our will be easily welcomed into that realm-I've been banished."

"L-Loki, I need help-a hospital-_please!_" A whimper escaped her as she hugged her middle. The god didn't seem to be showing her any mercy. "Loki?" she helplessly asked as she grabbed his arm.

"Just lie down and wait," Loki told her in a soothing tone. "Newborns take their time with arrivals."

Natasha stared up at him in horror. "You're joking!"

"No, believe me, Natasha, I've read up on-"

The agony on her face was replaced with anger. "You're really going to watch me suffer, aren't you?!" Her nails dug into the sleeve of Loki's black garment.

"This is the miracle of our child's birth. Don't make it sound so-"

Natasha shut him up with a slap across the face. "You're a fucking monster-that's all you'll ever be!" She rose from the bed and cautiously walked towards the door.

"Lie down!" he snapped at her. "The child!"

"I'm not in labor, jackass!" she shouted before slamming the door. He didn't care about her-not one bit. She leaned back against a wall as the tears began to fall. Natasha thought Loki would change if she faked going into labor. Instead, she got to see just how cold he really was. She truly believed that he loved her-she thought that after having read her journal, things would change. Knowing that he didn't love her was what hurt the most. He knew exactly how she felt about him. She couldn't deny what she had written to him because it was true. There was nothing secret about their feelings for each other now. Natasha cared, whereas Loki didn't.

"Insolent quim!" he spat. Loki would have gone after her, but he couldn't. He thought back to his confession in the journal. Just when he was about to make amends with himself, Natasha gave him second thoughts. Loki knew that if Natasha knew the truth, then she would understand. But if it would one day lead to him losing her, he would never forgive himself.

**"And I'll be just fine**  
**And all I wanted was a happy ending**  
**And I'll be okay**  
**If you just stay with me**  
**And I'll be just fine**  
**If you just stay here for a while**  
**And I'll be okay**  
**And I will be okay**  
**And I'll be just fine**  
**If you just stay with me**  
**And all I wanted was a happy ending**  
**A better life just stay with me"**

**Letters and Love Notes ~Go Radio**


	46. You deserve much better than me

**"I think you can do much better than me**  
**After all the lies that I made you believe**  
**Guilt kicks in and I start to see**  
**The edge of the bed**  
**Where your nightgown used to be**  
**I told myself I won't miss you**  
**But I remember**  
**What it feels like beside you"**

**Better Than Me ~Hinder**

Loki noticed that Natasha was keen on avoiding him at all costs. However, the two couldn't be kept apart, especially when they lived under the same roof. "Have I managed to push you away for good?" Loki asked the next morning while she was busy eating.

Natasha shoved aside her pudding and bag of crisps. "I wish you _would_ push me away," she retorted dryly as she got up to wash her hands. "But you won't leave me alone."

"I feel that it's _you _who won't leave me in peace," Loki admitted.

Natasha turned to shoot him a glare. He had no right to talk-_he _was the one constantly popping up everywhere she turned.

"My mind, at least," he continued. "And my heart."

Her eyes narrowed. "You want me to hate you-Loki, if this is another love confession, I don't want to hear it," she warned him. "Unless you tell me the real reason."

Loki's gaze shifted to her stomach.

"If you love me, why keep distancing me?" she questioned. "You're doing this for a reason-_why?_" she prodded as she cautiously approached him.

"I've already told you, our-"

"The thing has to hate us-I know!" she interrupted. "But that's not the real reason." Her emerald eyes met with his.

Loki's gaze met with hers. "Given the choice, would you choose me or Agent Barton?"

She raised a brow and folded her arms. "This has nothing to do with-"

"This has _everything _to do with it!" Loki found himself raising his voice. "Choose one, Ms. Romanoff."

"Do you really expect me to pick you after everything you've done?" she bitterly asked.

_Second best. __**Always **__second best. _Loki hung his head in defeat. _Love isn't for a monster like myself. _He knew that this only proved that things would never work between them.

"Loki?" Natasha could instantly tell that he was upset. She placed a hand over his clenched fist, but he jerked it away. "Maybe if you didn't act like _this _all the time, I'd pick you," she huffed.

The god turned his nose up at her and wandered off. Even though Loki knew she would choose Clint, there was a tiny part of him that hoped she would say that she loved him. Fantasies were for children, though. He had no need to dabble in such daydreams. Feeling downtrodden, Loki decided to vanish off to the only person who would willingly speak with him.

"Idiot," Natasha hissed once she was alone. She rose from her chair and froze when she heard a subtle crack. "_Fuck_," she hissed as she held her hand to her side. "Lok-" His name barely escaped her lips as the monster kicked against her already injured side. Carefully, she lifted her shirt to find that a dark purple and blue bruise had formed. "Loki?" she whispered. Raising her voice, even breathing too sharply made the pain hard to bear. She wondered if the pain of giving birth to Loki's spawn would be like this... Slowly and carefully, she made her way to the bedroom and laid down on her good side. _Fight it, Romanoff, _she told herself. _You've been through worse than this, right? _Natasha thought back to her broken arm, gunshots to the side... Another kick made her agree that the little monster's tortures were the worst she had ever had to endure.

…

"What brings you, Loki?" Hela asked upon his arrival.

"I was in need of some company," he sheepishly admitted as he approached the goddess' throne.

Hela cocked her brow. "Natasha isn't good enough for you, anymore?" she wondered with a grin. "Well, I assume with your child nearing, your intimacies aren't the same…"

"It's not that," Loki said, looking off to the side.

"Then whatever is it, my Loki?" Hela rose from her silver throne to approach him. She pressed her pale and delicate hands against his chest. "Do tell, Loki." There was a crinkle in Loki's overcoat beneath her right hand.

"Nothing out of the ordinary," he began. "Once again, I find myself being second-" Hela's fingers slipped inside his coat and pulled out several slips of parchment. "Hela!" Loki growled. He made a grab for the papers, but the goddess was too quick for him.

"Ah, Russian. Such lovely writing," Hela noted as she began to skim through the pages. "To think Natasha told me she'd rather _die_ than be with you. How things change," Hela mused.

Loki clenched his teeth. "Return those to me now!" he demanded.

"'T_he next day, I kissed him back, just to see if the spark was there. And it was. Believe me, it was. In that moment, I was in love.'" _Hela began to giggle. "She acts tough, but inside, she's a young girl in love."

"Hela!" Loki shouted. He grabbed onto the parchment and waited for Hela to let go. As silly as it was, Loki didn't want the paper to tear. "These belong to me."

Hela finished reading and released the journal pages._ "'He's not alone. Even if everyone turns against Loki, I'll be there for him…'" _Her eyes met with Loki's. "My, she's fallen hard, hasn't she?"

He neatly folded the pages and slid them into his breast pocket. "Yes, well, her feelings have changed. She despises me, just as planned."

"Oh, but you don't want her to hate you!"

"I do. I've told you my true intentions, Hela…"

"But what happens when things don't go as planned?" Hela prodded as she leaned in close to Loki. "What if the child isn't pure evil?"

"It will be, Hela."

"Tell me-why did you come, Loki?" she asked. "Was it to have you mope about your Midgardian pet and child?"

Loki began to stare out at nothing in particular. "I felt alone."

"I don't like it when you're sulking," she warned the god. "Honestly, Loki, you've become weak."

There was a low growl in Loki's chest.

"Just admit that it's true…"

"Goodbye, Hela," Loki coldly said before he left. His one friend proved to be of no use to him. The last thing he needed was Hela nagging him about how he was changing... Upon his arrival to his study, Loki picked up the red journal and flipped it open to where he left off. He never got to finish writing down his hopes for a future that was all just a juvenile dream… _I wish you happiness, Natasha. If Clint Barton is the one you so desire, then forgive me for keeping you from him. You deserve so much better than someone like me. However, I'm selfish, Natasha. It is for that very reason that you and our child must stay with me. To be apart from you would leave me in ruins. I need you by my side. Your touch, your scent, your warmth… Your words on paper simply aren't enough for me. In an ideal world, we would be happy. Our child wouldn't be a monster-he or she would be happy, just as ourselves…_ Loki shoved the book aside as a fit of anger overcame him. All he wanted was happiness, but such a wish was impossible for sinners such as he and Natasha. _Make her suffer, just as you do,_ said a voice in the back of Loki's mind. _Let her know pain for failing to love you…_

**"The bed I'm lying in is getting colder **  
**Wish I never would've said it's over**  
**And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older**  
**Cause we never really had our closure**  
**This can't be the end**  
**I really miss your hair in my face**  
**And the way your innocence tastes**  
**And I think you should know this**  
**You deserve much better than me"**

**Better Than Me ~Hinder**


	47. We can't wash these sins away

**"It's too late to change your mind**  
**Even though this fragile world is tearing apart at the seams**  
**We can't wash these sins away**  
**This sinking feeling everyday: I'm waking up in someone else's life"**

**Erase This ~Evanescence**

When Natasha awoke the next morning, Loki was still asleep with his back facing her. She noticed that her shirt was rolled up to her breasts. Upon examining her side, she could see that Loki had healed her, yet again. "Loki?" she whispered.

"Yes?"

Natasha grew hesitant. "Thanks… for fixing that…"

He turned to smile at her. "I heard your cries and grew curious."

"Was I really crying?" she asked him blankly.

"Would you have rather I said pathetic whimpering?" he asked, raising a brow.

Natasha managed a weak laugh.

"It won't be much longer until he causes mischief outside of your womb…"

"Will you tell me the truth yet?" It was a new day and Natasha hoped that Loki would be in a better mood. They already seemed to be on good terms, for now.

"I've already told you," he grumbled. "The child will hate us, just as we hate each other."

"You love me, though," she pointed out matter-of-factly.

Loki rolled around to face her. His finger traced against her lower lip. "Not anymore. My feelings have changed, just as simply as yours have…"

"My feelings didn't 'change,' they just…" She hesitated as she searched for the right word. "Faded…" She rolled onto her back with a groan.

"Then mine have also faded…" Loki stated. There was the faintest trace of a smile across his lips. A part of Natasha still cared. However, Loki couldn't allow for that to happen. He rested a hand against her stomach. "How is he?"

"Annoying me to no end," she complained. "Spare me the wait and just slice me open." Loki began to chuckle, but Natasha gave him a look that told him she wasn't joking. "It's kicking, it's moving, it's disgusting!" she hissed. "And my back is killing me! I swear, I'll kill you if my body doesn't return to normal!" Natasha threatened.

"Perhaps he hates you…" Loki felt his child kick against his hand and smiled. "Do you hate me, I wonder?"

Natasha was made uneasy by assumption. "You see?" she asked quietly. "It really does want to kill me. What if it does?"

"Don't jump to such silly-"

"What if it does, Loki? What would you do?"

Loki pulled his hand away. "I'd be given all the more reason to hate him…"

There was an uncomfortable silence between the two that lasted throughout the day.

…

That night, Loki crawled into bed beside Natasha.

"What would you name it?"

Loki was caught by surprise. He had assumed that she was fast asleep.

"A name would display affection, would it not?" He propped his head on his elbow.

"That seems a bit harsh." The faint moonlight pouring in through the balcony allowed for her to better see the god.

"This comes from the woman referring to him as a thing," he sneered.

"Well you keep thinking it's a boy!" she retorted. "Just for that, I hope it's a girl!"

"So you _do _wish for a daughter." A clever smile brightened his handsome face.

Natasha felt her cheeks grow hot and she buried her head deeper into the pillow, allowing for her curls to conveniently hide her face.

"Tell me," Loki began as he tucked the stray curls behind her ear, "what would you name our daughter?"

She shot him a glare. "You're intent on a boy. Why bother with girl names-why even bother with names at all?" Natasha wanted to dodge the question. She regretted ever bringing up names in the first place. It only made things feel more permanent. She didn't want the little monster-her mind was well set on that!

"Back home, the name Arik means 'ruler,'" Loki explained. "Would that not be fitting for a son of mine?"

"Erik?" she asked, her gaze meeting Loki's face.

"Of course for a daughter, the name Eira means 'snow,'" he continued as he stared out the window. Outside, a light snowfall fell.

Natasha wasn't going to say anything, but she really liked his choice for a girl's name. "The only equivalents to those names would be a snow maiden or an actual ruler," she finally said. "Neither of which I'd name it."

"A snow maiden? That sounds fascinating," he noted.

"Snegurochka," she explained. "It's just one of those folk tale things. A girl made of snow…"

"Like a Frost Giant?" Loki wondered with a growing curiosity.

"In terms of being made of snow, then I guess," she shrugged. _But_ _not a monster_… Natasha refrained from saying those words. "We can just go with one of your names. I'm going to bed," she abruptly told him. Talking about names made the idea of her actually caring for a child seem more and more permanent. The thing inside her was as unwanted as a deadly disease.

"Goodnight, Natasha," Loki whispered. For the first time in a long while, he felt that he was once again closer to the red-head. _You can never be truly happy with her… _Still, Loki could always have hope.

….

_"Push, Natasha," Loki coaxed her._

_"I-I can't!" she gasped. "Loki, it's killing me!" she screamed as she grabbed onto the bed sheets. _

_Loki was sitting on his haunches between her open legs. "I can see the head!"_

_"Kill me!" Natasha begged. "Just _kill_ me!" She continued to cry out in pain. The next thing she knew, there was a baby's cry._

_"-e's perfect," Loki beamed._

_Dazed, Natasha glanced up through half-lidded eyes to see Loki holding up a blue infant, dripping with blood. "All that blood…" Slowly, she sat up and looked down between her legs. Blood coated her inner thighs and stained the sheets. "Oh, god…" The red failed to stop seeping from her body. Her vision began to blur and she fell backwards against her pillow._

The feeling of falling jerked Natasha awake immediately. She clumsily sat upright and tore the covers away just to make sure that there really wasn't any blood. There had been so much of it… Part of Natasha could feel the imaginary blood's warmth coating her lower half.

"What happened?" Loki had awoken at the same time she did.

"Blood," she gasped. "God, there was all that blood!" she leaned over to bury her face in Loki's chest. "It wants to kill me!" Tears fell from her eyes. "Just kill me right now!" she begged.

"You'll be alright, Natasha." He pulled her close to his body and ran his fingers through her short curls. "It was a nightmare, and nothing more…" The idea of losing her left him terrified. If he lost her for good, his world would be meaningless. And the child would forever be hated. "Don't think such negative thought," he whispered, more for his own sake.

**"Is it so hard for you?**  
**Cause it's so hard for me**  
**To believe that what we dreamed could ever come to life again.**  
**Cause I cannot erase this life.**  
**The water's rising around us.**  
**There is no other way down.**  
**I only have myself to blame for it all."**


	48. Show me how it ends

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who is reading/faving, following, and reviewing! Also, vote for Tom Hiddleston and Scarlett Johansson for the Kid's Choice Awards!**

**"Show me how it ends it's alright**  
**Show me how defenseless you really are**  
**satisfied and empty inside**  
**Well, that's alright, let's give this another try"**

**So Cold ~Breaking Benjamin**

In an effort to avoid feeling closer to Natasha, Loki chose to ignore her. Natasha was perfectly fine with this, despite the fact that her feelings of love lingered.

_You're losing yourself to her, _Loki warned himself. _Hate her-make her hate you!_ Loki had already done so much, though. What more could be done? Messing with her friends had grown dull. He wanted to hurt _her_. Something deep. Something personal… Finally, an idea occurred to him. All he needed to do was wait…

…..

"Natasha?" Loki found her busy making some dinner for the two of them.

"Almost done," she announced as she shut the oven off.

"Dinner can wait tonight," he smirked.

"Maybe for you," she muttered. Natasha turned around to find him with an eerily optimistic grin. In his hand, he twirled the ball gag which made the colour drain from her face.

"It would seem you remember this…" His smile widened even more. "Shall we play a game, Agent Romanoff?"

She uttered a Russian swear under her breath as the god approached her.

"Haven't you learned that your foul mouth won't get you anywhere?"

Natasha reached behind her for a knife, but Loki grabbed her wrist before she could snatch it up.

"Too slow," he cockily remarked. Natasha shot him a glare. "There's no use in running-you're _mine,_" he reminded her as he placed the gag over her mouth. Loki withdrew a set of handcuffs from the folds of an inner pocket. Natasha let out a muffled sound to show her displeasure. "Don't be that way, Natasha," he taunted as he forced her hands behind her back and slid the cuffs on. "We haven't even started." Loki grabbed her by the back of her neck and led her into the dining room. "Bend over," he ordered, pointing to the table.

Natasha replied by kicking him in the shin. She would have aimed higher, but her center of balance wouldn't allow for it.

"If only your enemies could see you now," he darkly chuckled. "Whatever would they think if they saw you in this state?" Grabbing her neck, he bashed her cheek against the wooden countertop. "I, for one, find this far too amusing." He reached down and slipped a hand down her sweatpants. Natasha gasped as his icy fingertips parted her inner folds. "I'll try to be gentle," he whispered as his middle finger slipped inside of her.

Natasha squeezed her eyes shut as Loki made sure her inner walls were slick before taking her from behind. She wanted to cry out her hatred, but the gag wouldn't allow for coherent words. Last night, she and Loki were openly talking and now, they were back to square one. Natasha hated him with a burning passion, while Loki had her like a puppet in his hands…

…..

Loki's need to take control of her body continued the next day. He had caught Natasha off guard while she was showering.

"Get the hell away from me!" she shouted the second he burst through the door.

Loki responded by shoving her up against the tiled wall and cuffing her hands behind her back. He did away with the gag since he preferred to hear Natasha chant her hatred towards him like a prayer. The handcuffs were a nice touch since it left Natasha with an even greater disadvantage.

"Is there a such thing as privacy?" she snapped as her cheek met with the wall.

The god ignored her and placed his hand upon the faucet. "It's far too hot. You'll burn yourself, Natasha." He turned the handle to the far left, allowing for the water to run ice cold.

"Fuck!" she hissed the moment icy droplets pelted her skin. Loki pressed his chest against her back, shielding her from the shower head. Nonetheless, her body trembled. "At least wait until I'm done!"

"That's just it," Loki smirked. "I can't." He fingered her tight entrance before forcing himself inside of her.

"P-please!" she gasped. Her cheek was shoved up against the slippery wall with every thrust. "Stop!"

"But we've just gotten started!" he reminded her as he grabbed her hips. "Don't act as though you don't enjoy this." His hands trailed up to her breasts and gave them each a gentle squeeze. A moan passed Natasha's lips and Loki fondled her breasts all the more. "Are you sensitive here, too?" His thumbs ran across her nipples and she arched towards his touch.

"Stop it!" Natasha lied through clenched teeth. She knew he would only continue, though. There was no use in even bothering to fight him. Between his cock pumping into her and his smooth fingers pinching her nipples, Natasha couldn't control her body's need for him.

"Do you like this?" he whispered against her dripping hair.

The cool of his breath sent a shiver down her spine. Loki's cock hit her where she needed him and a loud moan escaped her.

"You _are_," he taunted. His hands slid away from her breasts and began to trail down her side. Upon brushing past her ribs, Natasha whimpered. Her sides had been sore from all of the monster's movements. One of his hands caressed her stomach, while the other reached down to finger her clit.

"K-keep this up and I might fall in love again," she threatened in a low snarl.

"That isn't good enough to stop me, Natasha." His lips brushed against her shoulder blade. "You haven't even cum yet."

Hearing the word pass his lips sent a shock to her lower belly. Natasha braced herself against the wall as his thumb drummed against her clit. Her breathing grew ragged as his thrusts deepened. She couldn't hold out much longer. Her knees had given in and if not for Loki to help support her, she would have slipped.

"Cum for me, Natasha. Are you waiting for me?" Loki wondered. "Because I'm almost there."

Natasha clenched her fists. Now that he wanted her to cum, she grew all the more determined _not_ to.

"Natasha," he purred.

Between his cock, the stimulation of her clit, and his velvety voice whispering sweet nothings into her ear, Natasha came. "L-Loki!" she cried out in a moan. The god came soon after her. Natasha soon felt dizzy, but Loki held onto her body, cold and shivering. "Leave me a-alone," she breathed. Her hand reached out to shut off the faucet. "It's _freezing_," she remarked as she uneasily brushed past Loki to grab her towel.

"Haven't you grown to enjoy the cold?" he snidely remarked.

…..

Natasha had gone to bed once she had dried off and got dressed. Loki joined her hours later. He sprawled over the comforter and watched Natasha sleep. She looked completely defenseless at rest. His hand reached out to feel her stomach. More than anything, she looked like a mother. Someone loving, caring, and willing to love her own child. But Natasha wasn't that type at all. Still, Loki could always imagine.

"Loki," she breathed.

"Hmm?" he hummed.

Her body shifted uncomfortably and began to tremble slightly.

She appeared to be dreaming-and about him, no less. Loki felt a tightening in his chest. Although he wanted her to hate him, knowing that she dreamt of him brought forth a rare feeling of happiness.

"Please stop," she murmured.

He felt his stomach drop at her sleep-talking. Was he even a monster to her in her dreams? Was she unsafe from him even in her slumber? Tears formed at the corners of her eyes and slowly rolled down her face. She let out a whimper and Loki unexpectedly wrapped his arms around her shuddering form. "I'm so sorry, Natasha…" A wave of regret washed over him. If there was any way he could make it up to her, he would. Loki wished there was a way he could right his wrongdoings, but things had gone far past the point of no return.

…

As days passed, Natasha grew more despondent. The more despondent Natasha became, the more worried Loki grew. He wanted to break her, but not to such an extreme. For this reason, Loki let her be alone as often as possible. He shared meals with her and snuck into bed long after she had fallen asleep. Other than that, he chose to let her be. Natasha wasn't in the mood to do much of anything, other than sleep and eat. Loki couldn't blame her, though, since there was nothing else _to _do.

Occasionally, Natasha would take walks outside. They tended to be short, though, since she tired easily. Still, Natasha enjoyed taking walks along the snow-covered paths.

The little monster began to kick, forcing Natasha to come to a halt. "Just hurry up and come out," she groaned. "Thirty four weeks-you're at your limit!" The snow began to fall at a heavier rate and the thing stirred even more. "Give me a break," she muttered, pinching the bridge of her nose. A drop of snow fell against her hand. She lowered it and stared down at the snowflake. "Eira…" she breathed. A hand subconsciously fell to her stomach. Natasha realized the sudden sentiment and clenched her fist. "Monster," she corrected herself before returning to the castle.

**"If you find your family don't you cry**  
**In this land of make-believe, dead and dry**  
**You're so cold, but you feel alive**  
**Lay your hand on me one last time**  
**It's alright"**


	49. That's what the water gave us

**"And oh, poor Atlas  
The world's a beast of a burden  
You've been holding on a long time  
And all this longing  
And the ships are left to rust  
That's what the water gave us  
So lay me down  
Let the only sound  
Be the overflow  
Pockets full of stones  
Lay me down  
Let the only sound  
Be the overflow"**

**What the Water Gave Me ~Florence and the Machine**

"I've brought you some books for you." Loki handed Natasha several plastic bags with books he retrieved from Midgard.

"Thanks." She accepted the bags and began to empty their contents over the bed. Most of the books were of Russian authors whom Natasha had already read, but they were far better than any of Loki's books. There were also a few books by Shakespeare. The only book to really catch Natasha's eye was one about pregnancy. "Wow, _thanks_, Loki," she sarcastically drawled.

"You're welcome," he smiled, immune to her sarcasm.

"You give me this _now?_ The thing's almost ready to come out…" Natasha remarked.

"Well, I figured it will be of some use, at least."

"I think it would've been more useful when the thing started _moving_."

"It's normal, Natasha. I checked," he added matter-of-factly.

"And rib breaking?" Loki was silent. "Exactly!" she huffed. Natasha threw the book as far as she could. "Leave me alone…" Loki obeyed and left her in peace. Over the course of nineteen days, Natasha managed to read all of the books. All except for the one regarding the little monster…

…

Natasha uncomfortably stirred in her sleep upon feeling pain towards her back. It was only a light pain, nothing she couldn't handle. After a few seconds, the pain passed. She sat up in bed for several minutes, expecting another jolt of pain, but there was nothing.

After finishing breakfast, she felt a short-lived cramping sensation. At thirty-six weeks, five days, Natasha began to grow worried that it was time for the monster to arrive. She started to grow frantic. Loki wasn't going to be any help to her if the thing was coming. He was far from helpful when she previously faked labor. There was nothing for her to do but wait. Natasha didn't want to tell Loki-not yet, at least. She was afraid he would respond with some sick form of torture, which she wasn't in the mood for. Wanting to keep the monster-child off her mind, she decided to take a hot shower before going to take a nap. Natasha figured that if she was lucky, she would wake up in her apartment and the past nine months would've all been a nightmare.

When Natasha awoke from her nap, the sun seemed to be just getting ready to set. As for Natasha's pain, it was beginning to become unbearable. "Lo-" A bolt of pain overcame her and she grabbed her middle. "Loki!" she rasped.

The god was there in no time at all. He watched her groveling in pain and a devious grin formed at the corners of his lips. "Is he coming now?"

"I think so…" The expression across Loki's lips worried her.

Loki sauntered over to the bed and sat down beside her. "It shouldn't be much longer," he commented, rubbing her large middle.

Natasha tightly grabbed his wrist. "I don't want you touching me!" she hissed. "I want you far away from me!"

"I'd like to see my son come into the world," he informed her. "I am his Father after all, Natasha." His smirk widened.

The red-head rolled onto her side and pulled the covers over her head. _This is all another nightmare,_ she tried telling herself. The pain, however, begged to differ. Natasha rose to her feet, wanting to search the bookshelf for the unopened pregnancy book Loki had bought for her. She barely made it out of the bed before a contraction brought her to the floor. "_Loki!_" she cried out.

"Natasha!" Loki ran and dropped to her side in a state of alarm. "Here, let me help you-" His hands gingerly reached out to touch her arms, but she began to scream.

"Don't!" she warned him. "Don't touch me!" The pain had yet to subside.

"Has it become that unbearable?" he asked once Natasha appeared to look less shaken.

"What do you fucking think?!" she spat. Loki's cold hand grabbed her by the wrist. "I said not to touch me!" she screamed, baring her teeth.

"You wanted to visit a hospital, so I'll take you to one…"

There was a certain cruelty in Loki's eyes that made Natasha uneasy. Nonetheless, she took his hand in hers.

….

"This isn't time to joke, Loki," Natasha noted. The part of whatever town they were in showed no signs of life whatsoever. Surrounding the couple were worn down buildings that looked as though they hadn't been vacant in decades. "Where _are _we?" she questioned.

"Look down," Loki told her as he held onto her shoulders.

Unable to see past her stomach, Natasha turned to the side to see that they were standing in a pile of rubble. "What is…" She took a good look around and the surrounding buildings became all-too familiar to her.

"Do you remember now, Natasha?" Loki whispered against her hair. A sly smirk formed across his lips once he noticed Natasha's eyes widen in horror.

The scent of smoke filled her nostrils and made her throat constrict. She swore she could hear screams coming from the empty buildings all around them. _'Help!'_ the voices screamed. _'Save us!'_ Natasha's hands covered her ears and if not for Loki to support her, she would have collapsed to the ground. "S-stop it!" she gasped, her eyes wide in horror.

"I see you remember," Loki chuckled. "Tell me, how many innocent lives were taken by the Black Widow that night?" he hissed.

"N-no!" she cried.

"You killed them all, Natasha-every last one of them. Women, children, newborns…And for what reason? To satisfy your need to kill!" he cackled.

"STOP IT!" she screamed. Tears began to fall from her eyes. The voices wouldn't leave her alone, though. She could still hear their desperate cries for help and smell the dry, thick smoke. A powerful contraction hit and she grabbed Loki's arm for support.

"All of those innocent lives taken here-all that blood shed! What better place for the birth of a monster?!" he exclaimed, wild-eyed.

"Don't do this!" Her nails dug into Loki's arm. "_Please!_" Fear overcame her as Natasha realized that this was her nightmare come alive.

"I'm sure those seeking care in the Sao Paolo hospital asked the same thing of you…" His eyes were cold and empty as he shoved her to the ground. "But you, Natasha Romanoff, failed to show them any mercy."

Natasha fell against the pile of rubble and helplessly laid there. The pain wracking her body told her that this was all real. There was no escape for her. "I **hate **you!" she spat. "I never loved you, you fucking monster!" she snarled.

Loki knelt down and gently grabbed her chin. "And unto hatred, our child shall be born."

Her fearful eyes met with his. "Loki." Her voice was barely a whisper. "If you ever loved me, even in the slightest…" Tears ran down her flushed cheeks. "Help me." Her voice faltered.

He quickly turned away as he rose to his feet. Her tears were his only weakness. Seeing her in such pain hurt him more than he ever imagined possible.

Natasha felt the damp silk of her nightgown clinging to her thighs. Reaching between her legs, she felt a puddle forming under her. She had seen a fair amount of movies and shows to know that her water had broken. Natasha wasn't an expert, but the movies usually indicated that as a sign of a baby nearing. "Shit!" she growled.

Loki turned around to observe.

_How much time?_ She wondered to herself. A jolt of pain made her pray that it would soon be over. "Why?" she asked through clenched teeth. "Why did you do this to me?!" Her teary eyes met with his emerald green orbs. The question had been asked many a times, however Loki failed to give a proper answer. "Don't just look at me-tell me!" she cried. Knowing that the monster's birth was drawing near made her want the truth. The god once again turned his back to her. "LOKI! _Tell _me!"

Hearing her cries reminded Loki of the pain he felt when he demanded to know of his true parentage. Unable to hold back anymore, he decided it was time to give Natasha the truth she so desperately craved. Carefully, he lifted the woman into his arms and returned to their bedroom. He gently laid her down on the bed and sat down beside her. In his hand, he summoned the red journal.

**"'Cause she's a cruel mistress**  
**And a bargain must be made**  
**But oh, my love, don't forget me**  
**I let the water take me"**


	50. I'm open wide and letting you in

**"Don't pull me under**  
**Into the deep**  
**I often wonder**  
**How it should be**  
**I'm picking sides**  
**And pulling the strings**  
**I'm living lies**  
**And shedding the skin **  
**I'm open wide**  
**And letting you in**  
**I'm wronging rights"**

**Believe ~Breaking Benjamin**

"You've waited for answers long enough," he breathed as he flipped open the journal. "Like you, I chose to write down the truth. I never intended for you to read this, but…" He paused as his gaze fell upon her face. "You've truly changed me." He lowered his eyes to the page. "_Natasha, words cannot fully express how sorry I truly am. Know that-"_

Natasha let out a whimper as she hugged her middle. She noticed Loki stopped talking and put on a brave face. "Keep reading!" she urged him. Before the monster could enter the world, she wanted the whole truth.

He snapped the book shut and set it aside. "I never did quite finish writing down the point," he admitted. "To put it simply, my actions were done out of curiosity." Natasha stared into his eyes, waiting for him to continue. "You and I, Ms. Romanoff, are quite alike," he continued. "You once told me that you'd like to wipe away the red. And I…" he paused, eyes falling to her stomach. "Newborns are so innocent, so flawless… I began to wonder if someone as flawed as you and I could make things right."

Natasha's hand brushed against her stomach. "Why didn't you just tell me?" Her voice cracked as new tears formed. "Y-you think you can just rape me and make me part of some experiment?" Before he could interject, she continued to scold him. "You _used_ me! You made my life a fucking hell!" she shouted, punching him in the chest. "I wanted to kill myself, but you would just use my body for your _sick_ enjoyment to punish me! There's no way this thing can be innocent!" she spat. "It's a monster! Just like _you!_"

Loki's eyes grew wide. Suddenly, he felt so lost, so child-like. His head bowed as Natasha continued to yell at him. She had only confirmed his fears. Loki was silly for thinking that he of all people could hope for a perfect child. He beat his fist against the bed. A guttural noise escaped his throat as he hunched forward.

Natasha suddenly felt frightened. She had said too much and for that, Loki was surely going to teach her a lesson. Before she began to cower, she couldn't help but notice what appeared to be tears running down the man's face. "Loki?" she asked quietly.

"You're right," he breathed through clenched teeth. His fingers dug into the floor. "I-I'm a monster. That's all I am. All I ever will be."

Natasha suddenly couldn't help but feel a tiny bit of remorse for him.

His teary eyes met with hers. "Forgive me." She had made him feel so helpless. "I've been horrible-a monster- to you. But you're right…" He shook his head. "I can't expect anything good to come of this. Jotun blood runs through my veins and that will be passed down, no doubt. For all my cruelties, asking for a child so pure is impossible."

Natasha felt tears fall down her cheeks. She unexpectedly reached out to Loki in an embrace. "I-I'm sorry…"

"I'm the one at fault!" he wept. "If anything, I've only made things worse for us! I've cursed us," he said darkly. "We've both done dreadful things…"

She shook her head and pressed his head to her chest. "I'll never forgive you for any of this," she began as she stroked his hair. "But I love you," she breathed. "The Loki who's willing to let me in instead of just push me away… Thank you." The words Natasha had written for Loki had finally reached him. She needed him-more than anything. After all, he was the missing piece of her life. He was the one who knew her better than she knew herself. She wrapped her arms around his neck and allowed him to hold her as another contraction hit.

"You truly deserve better," he whispered as he rubbed her back. "Clint Barton…"

"He doesn't know me like you do," she admitted. Natasha loved Clint dearly, but Loki was different. After everything Loki put her through, she changed, both physically and mentally. Natasha saw a side of her arch enemy that she didn't know existed. "As for this…" Her hand stroked her stomach. For nine months, Natasha had hated the child inside her. She never thought of it as an actual person, only a monster. Until now. Her maternal instincts seemed to have abruptly kicked in. "I don't think it's a monster. Not anymore," she softly whispered. Her eyes met with Loki's as she hugged his neck tighter. "I think it's a girl."

Tears slowly rolled down Loki's cheeks. Natasha no longer thought of him as a monster, same for the child. Hearing her say those words left him touched.

"What's going to define her is what happens from here on out- it's about how we raise her. The people we were shouldn't make her a monster…or him," she added with a weak laugh.

His brows knitted together in confusion. He pulled away from her hug to stare at her. "I don't understand…You believe this child will be atonement for everything we've done wrong?"

Natasha shrugged. "I'm seeing it as a 'blank slate' sorta deal."

"I'm the one who wanted a child. Although conceived out of my own malevolence, she will be loved. No matter what."

She forced a smile, despite the agony she was in. "We have to make this child someone we'd be proud of. Despite everything we've done in our lives, that's just the past. We-" The hurt became so bad, she couldn't even speak.

Loki lifted her up into his arms. "The green beast is a Doctor, correct?" he hurriedly asked.

"Yeah, but… Loki, don't go to _him _for help!" Before she could finish, Loki had taken her back to the S.H.I.E.L.D. base's research lab in a split second. The last thing Natasha needed was her friends seeing her in labor with their enemy's baby.


	51. I need you now more than I ever did

**A/N: The final chapter. Thank you so much to all of you who have been reading/watching/faving/reviewing! It means a lot to me, so thank you!**

**"You're an angel, I'm a devil**  
**But we'll meet somewhere in between**  
**Heaven, Hell, or the bedroom**  
**I'll take you away from everything**

**You're a dream and I'm a nightmare**  
**But we'll meet somewhere in between**  
**The sheets or covers, and the headboard**  
**I'll be a king if you are a queen"**

**Somewhere in Between ~Hawthorne Heights**

"Bird brain wasn't kidding," Tony breathed as he eyed Natasha's stomach. He was too dumbfounded to even notice Loki. "Look at yourself, Romanoff!"

Natasha turned to see that both Tony and Bruce were in the lab together. She wanted to die of embarrassment. "I'll fucking _kill_ you if you don't get the hell away from me!" she spat at Tony.

Loki had to stop Natasha from getting worked up any further. "Our child is near!" he warned Bruce. "Pease help her!"

"Hand her over and let _me_ deal with you!" Tony wagered. "We're not going easy on you for taking her!"

"He's with me, Stark!" Natasha hissed. "Touch him and I'll deal with you myself!"

Before Tony could protest, Bruce gave him a gentle shove to the chest. "This is **no **time for fighting!" he warned his partner. "Tony, tell the others Natasha is safe. We'll be in the medical center, but leave us in peace," he added calmly. Bruce knew that Natasha favoured her privacy. Once Tony scampered off, he approached Natasha. "How far apart are the contractions?" He was used to medical emergencies such as these and remaining calm was of key importance.

"They won't stop." She tried to pretend that she was fine to uphold her stoic demeanor, but a choked sob escaped her throat.

"Let's take her to the medical wing," Bruce instructed. He began to walk and Loki followed. "How long have they been going on for, Natasha?" he asked.

"I woke up to one this morning. Maybe they started in the night… My water broke, if that's the next question, Doc."

The door to the medical wing automatically opened and Bruce showed Loki to a vacant hospital room. Loki carefully set Natasha down on the bed. Bruce shut the door behind them and slipped on a pair of rubber gloves.

Natasha carefully watched Bruce as he entered his professional work mode. Her face reddened as she felt that things were going to be forever awkward between them. "If you never look me in the eyes again, I'll understand," she remarked.

Bruce managed a weak smile. "You're having a baby, Natasha. This is a beautiful thing." He approached the end of the bed.

"I feel like I'm dying!" She grabbed Loki's hand and squeezed.

"I'm so sorry," Loki whispered.

"Don't start," she tiredly warned Loki. "Do you have experience with this?" she asked Bruce as she spread her legs for him.

"I've delivered nine babies, actually. Most of them being back in India." He removed her underwear to check her cervix.

Natasha was relieved to know that he had experience since this was all foreign to her. "Don't I just push her out?!" she impatiently demanded.

"You're seven centimeters dilated," he announced.

Natasha gave him a blank stare. "Is that bad?"

He gave her an assuring smile. "Once you reach ten, you can start pushing."

"When is _that_?"

"Minutes, hours…Whenever your body's ready Natasha."

She muttered a stream of Russian swears.

"I'm sorry," Bruce confessed. "I'd give you an epidural, but we're not equipped for these situations," he chuckled. "You'll be the first woman to deliver a baby here."

"That's not funny!" she snapped. "I'm being ripped apart here!"

Loki brushed a loose strand of hair from her sweaty brow. Her face felt hot, so he decided to let his cold fingers brush against her cheek. "I can take you to a proper facility," Loki told her.

Natasha shook her head. "No. I don't want to be transported or anything now. Just don't move me!" she hissed.

"Have you been seeing a Doctor regularly?" Bruce wondered as he watched the two. It was odd to see Loki behaving in such a loving way towards Natasha.

"We attended an ultrasound and nothing more," Loki said.

"That's it?" Bruce wondered. "No other medical attention, no medication?"

"Will our child be alright?" Loki asked. He was certain that with him being a god and Natasha, a strong woman, would produce a healthy child.

"I'm sure your baby will be fine," Bruce assured them. "Back in India, the women didn't have pre-natal and their babies were happy and healthy. You seem quite concerned, Loki," Bruce noticed. "This is-er…_different_," he finished.

Loki smiled at Bruce. "Natasha has made me come to see my errors," he explained as he approached Bruce. "I've decided that with our child, I'd like to mend what has been broken."

"That's… very noble of you." Bruce returned the smile. "However, as far as trust goes…" He lowered his eyes.

"Just give him a chance?" Natasha interrupted, looking him straight in the eyes.

How could Bruce say no to her? When he had first met Natasha, she had been terrified of him. She set that aside, though, and now he considered them to be close friends-now more than ever.

"If this makes any difference…" Loki handed Bruce some slips of paper from a pocket.

"What is this?" the Doctor wondered.

"The truth," Loki explained. "Mostly my feelings towards Ms. Romanoff," he said quietly, "but know that I have no intentions of hurting you. All I seek is redemption."

Before Bruce could start reading, there was a knock on the door. He went over and opened it a crack. "Natasha?" he asked. "Er-would a visitor be alright? It just might keep your mind off the pain…"

"Who is it?" she asked as she rested her head against the pillow.

"Clint…"

Loki worriedly glanced at Natasha. What if her feelings towards the archer rekindled?

"Loki?" she asked. "Can we be alone a second?"

He forced a smile for her sake. "I'll be outside with the Doctor."

"Thank you." Natasha watched Loki leave with Bruce. Clint shot Loki a glare as he shoved past him.

"I hate him! Nat, I'm sorry this is happening to you!" He stood at her bedside and helplessly watched her.

"I'm not _dying_, Barton," she jokingly told him. "It kinda feels like it, but I'll be okay…" Visions of a monster and blood like in her nightmares resurfaced, but she quickly disregarded them. That was all before she and Loki made up. Things were going to be different-or so, she hoped.

"Nat, stop," he warned her. "I'll make sure to take him down," Clint promised. "Just worry about yourse-"

"No!" she shouted. "You're not hurting Loki!" Her gaze hardened.

"You're crazy!" he exclaimed. "Have you seen yourself? God," he breathed. "You're having his baby…"

"It's my child, too," she muttered. "And I'm sorry, Clint, but I…" Her gaze shifted away from Clint. "Loki's a lot like me. Is that crazy to say?"

"Don't compare yourself to _him!_"

"Why not?!" Natasha snapped, her eyes glaring into Clint's. "Dammit, Barton, we're alike-his mind was messed with, he was lied to, we've both ki-"

"Don't. Nat, just don't!" Clint didn't want to hear any more. "He wanted to _kill_ me! Hell, he mind controlled me way back. Then broke both my arms! Might as well kill me next!"

"Shut up!" she shouted. Natasha wasn't sure if it was the contractions making her moody, but Clint was getting on her nerves. "Look, I care about him, alright? I actually love him," she admitted, clenching her jaw.

Clint shook his head. "No… Nat-this is magic-this is _Loki!" _he reminded her. "He raped you, kidnapped you-it's Stockholm syndrome!"

"Just leave!" she growled. Clint may have been the only person to know her secrets, but he didn't understand he feelings towards the god. He _never _would.

"You can't just love a guy like that, Nat… You said you loved _me_."

"I do… But Loki's different."

Defeated by her confession, Clint turned on his heel and left the room. "Hey!" he shouted at Loki, who was talking with Bruce.

"Agent Barton, I believe I owe you an apology…" Loki began.

"Save it!" Clint shouted. He grabbed the lapels of Loki's overcoat and shoved him against the wall. The god wasn't harmed, irritating Clint even more. "What'd you do to her?!"

"Clint!" Bruce intervened. "Loki's on our side now."

Clint glared at Bruce, then back to Loki. "What'd you do to _him, _huh?! More magic bullshit?!" Clint demanded.

"Clint…" Bruce held out several pieces of paper covered in Loki's handwriting towards the archer. "I think this may explain things…"

Clint snatched the papers from the Doctor's hands. Before reading them, he glared at Loki as he and Bruce returned to the hospital room. "Damn it…" he breathed, punching the nearest wall. He tossed the papers aside and watched them fall to the ground. The pages all fell with the writing side up. One word managed to catch the marksman's eye-his own name. Clint grabbed the page and froze upon reading Loki's confession. '_I wish you happiness, Natasha. If Clint Barton is the one you so desire, then forgive me for keeping you from him. You deserve so much better than someone like me.' _There was a tightening in his chest. It's not magic, he told himself. Clint then read what looked like the first page, followed by the second. A flashback of the day he was sent in to kill the Black Widow flashed through his mind. At one point, Natasha was the enemy and Clint was the one who saved her. He saw a good side to his opponent-he believed in the spy. Clint could suddenly empathize with Natasha. Now, it was her to find a good side to the enemy. He wanted to go into the hospital room to apologise, but hearing her scream told him that now wasn't the time. Instead, Clint went off to look for the rest of the team.

…

"He hates me!" Natasha sobbed.

"No. He doesn't, Natasha," Loki promised as he went to her side.

"You didn't hurt him, did you?"

"Never again," Loki promised her.

"Is he still out there?" she asked. "I need to apologise." Her words were rushed as another contraction took her. Natasha grabbed the bed sheets and held her breath as she tried to fight the pain.

"Natasha, you need to breathe," Bruce instructed her as he slipped on a new pair of gloves. "Deep breaths-in and out," he coaxed her.

"You will see Clint later," Loki promised her.

Natasha nodded as Loki held her hand. She took a deep breath, then exhaled with a scream.

"You'll be alright, Natasha," Loki whispered as he stroked her hair.

"Eight centimeters. You're doing fine, Natasha," Bruce added.

"Loki," she said once the pain dulled. "Way back, I had a dream she had horns and a tail… Is that crazy?"

Bruce raised a brow and turned away to check for supplies.

"Well, my bloodline may pass down blue skin," he added in a serious tone. "The horns and tail must be from your side, I'm afraid," he chuckled softly.

Natasha couldn't help but laugh along, only to whimper in pain a second later.

"I'm sure we have no reason to worry about any of that," he assured her.

Natasha never thought she would ever see a side of Loki as soft as this. Deep down, he wasn't all that bad of a guy.

…..

"I'd say you were crazy, Agent," Fury began as he read through Loki's confession. "But then you reminded me of the Agent Romanoff situation…"

Clint nodded as he stood before the Director's desk. Accompanying him was Tony, Steve, and Thor. "You know I have a bone to pick with Loki, guys," he told the team. "But way back, Natasha was the enemy and look at her now…"

"Does this mean that my Brother is no longer a threat?" Thor wondered hopefully. "My only hope is for you all to trust him-there is still good in him."

"We'll need to keep a close watch on him," Nick Fury began. "However, I'm sure he and Agent Romanoff will be kept busy…"

"I knew she was the bad boy type," Tony mused. "Didn't think she'd want to play house, though."

"She's gonna kill you for that," Clint remarked with a smirk.

Tony shrugged. "She nearly bit my head off earlier."

…..

After nearly half an hour, it came time for Natasha to push. Loki stood loyally at her side, ignoring the pain in his hand (he was sure that she had broken it).

"Push again, Natasha," Bruce coaxed her. "I'm seeing the head."

"It's not blue, is it?" she asked quickly.

Bruce was caught off guard by her question. "Wha? N-no!"

"Not that there's anything wrong with that," she added for Loki's sake.

"Remember your breathing," Loki reminded her.

Natasha took a deep breath and exhaled with a scream.

"Push, Natasha," Bruce told her.

Natasha had been through worse situations than this. She had been shot at (sometimes several times at once), stabbed, beaten, broken bones, but the pain of those scenarios were nothing compared to that of childbirth. Her nightmares were right about the pain. All she wanted, though, was a happy ending. That in and of itself seemed to be all just a dream, though. "I…" Natasha didn't know how much more her body could take. "I can't," she whimpered. More than anything, she felt physically drained.

Loki winced, knowing full well that something was going terribly wrong. Looking over to the doctor, he could see that his gloves were smeared with blood."Please, Natasha-you're strong!" His good hand brushed against her sweaty brow. Every time she pushed, Loki felt more and more regret. _He_ did this to her. She asked for a doctor earlier on, but he refused. All because he wanted to torture her… Seeing Natasha out of breath and gasping for air made him wonder if she was to die. He squeezed her hand and silently prayed to the All-Father that she and his child would be well. Loki would never bring harm to Natasha or anyone else ever again, so long as she lived.

"Big push, Natasha," said Bruce.

"I love you, Natasha," Loki whispered. "You are truly the strongest person I know of."

Despite Natasha's agony, the sooner the pain ended, the better. After pushing for what felt like hours, a high-pitched cry filled the room. Natasha fell back against her pillow, exhausted.

"It's a little girl," Bruce announced, holding her up for Natasha to see.

Natasha wanted to tell Loki she was right-it _was_ a girl. Yet she couldn't tear her eyes away from the crying newborn in Bruce's arms. She had black curls and pink skin, currently matted with blood and fluid. The newborn looked like any other baby she had seen. Except this one belonged to her and Loki.

Bruce cleaned up the newborn and cut the cord before bundling her up and handing her to Natasha. "She seems healthy enough. I called for another Doctor earlier-they'll give her a good check up…" He noticed that Loki and Natasha were too busy eying their daughter and chose to leave them alone. He could already hear his teammates outside, anyways…

"He said it's a girl," Steve said.

"Thor and Stark owe us drinks," Clint added from outside.

Natasha reached down to stroke her daughter's skin. She was soft and surprisingly warm. "Hi," she whispered with an awkward smile. Undoing the blanket, Natasha took the infant's tiny hand. All fingers and toes seemed to be accounted for. There were no horns or a tail-the infant was completely normal. Unsure of what to do, she began to gently rock the squirming newborn. "Look at you," she laughed. Her daughter seemed to calm down and Natasha glanced up at Loki.

He was staring over her shoulder in awe with tears running down his cheeks. "How did we deserve this?" he quietly asked. "Myself, especially… I don't deserve a daughter so…"

"Perfect," Natasha finished with a smile. "Look at her, Loki. She's all ours," she whispered as she gazed down at her sleeping daughter.

He nodded and smiled as he reached out to touch his daughter's tiny hand. "She will deserve only the best...Do you find it hard to believe that we could create this?"

Natasha shrugged. "We all deserve a second chance. She's ours."

Loki shook his head. "_You _are my second chance, Natasha." His cool fingers brushed against her sweaty brow. "I love you. You and our daughter."

"Daughter," she repeated with a smile. "_You_ thought she was a boy."

"So says the one who referred to our daughter as a thing," he jokingly remarked.

Natasha began to cry as she remembered her hatred towards the unborn infant. She wanted the child dead-she even tried to kill her several times. "You don't think she'll hate me, do you?" If only she had known that her daughter would be the most precious thing in the world.

Loki leaned over to kiss Natasha. "You're her Mother. What matters now is how we raise her. Is that not what you told me?" he wondered.

Natasha stared down at her daughter, unable to hide her smile. Natasha covered the newborn's tiny arms up with the blanket. "There was this one day…" she began. "I was on a walk and it was snowing… I remembered that name you told me. Eira."

"So you grew fond of the name?" he wondered.

"Maybe a little," she smiled. "Eira."

Loki reached out to touch his daughter's hair. "A beautiful name for our beautiful daughter. Eira, you are truly-"

Bruce, along with the other Avengers and Nick Fury barged into the room. "They wanted to see," Bruce sheepishly admitted.

"Look at the little Loki-Romanoff!" Tony exclaimed.

The others shushed him to keep him quiet.

The baby stirred in Natasha's arms and Natasha flinched. Thankfully, the newborn returned to sleep.

"Congratulations, my Brother," Thor said as quietly as he could.

Loki was taken aback by Thor's willingness to call him 'Brother' again. "Thank you."

Clint went over to the opposite side of the bed and leaned over Natasha. "She looks like you," he said with a smile.

"No, she…" Natasha stared down at her daughter. She thought she looked more like Loki.

"I read Loki's thing, Nat," Clint whispered. "We all did."

Natasha glanced up at her partner.

"I'm sorry… Look, I'm happy for you, okay?" he kindly smiled.

She lowered her head so Clint couldn't see her cry. "Thank you. I'm sorry, too…"

"Aww, don't cry, Nat," Clint chuckled.

"Yeah, 'mommy,' don't cry. Let your baby do that," Tony remarked as he nudged Clint aside.

"Stark, I'll _kill_ you!" she warned him as she blinked back the tears.

"Yeah, yeah-what's her name?" he asked. "It better be something good-Point Break and I lost a bet cuz your 'she' lacks a Y-chromosome."

"Eira," Natasha stated.

"A word for the snow," Thor chimed in. "You've chosen well." He smacked Loki on the back.

"Agent Romanoff," Director Fury announced. "I believe congratulations are in order."

"Thank you, Sir." She suddenly wondered if he was going to fire her. Panicking, she had to stop him. "I'll return to work soon," she promised. "I'm not sure when…" she eyed Eira. She had only just changed her mind about keeping the child.

"Take your time," Fury said. "You've been through quite a lot…" He eyed Loki.

"I am terribly sorry for my trouble!" Loki interjected. "But I've seen through my wrongdoings and would-"

"If you want our forgiveness, Loki, then I expect you to take care of Agent Romanoff and your daughter," he warned him with a grin. "You're under our surveillance from here on out." He handed Loki a manila envelope. "Keep up your good behaviour, and I will gladly welcome you to join the team."

Loki's eyes grew wide. "The 'team' being…"

"We can fight as brothers!" Thor boomed.

Eira began to cry and Loki shot him a glare.

"Forgive me," Thor stated in a whisper.

"It's ok, sweetie," Natasha assured Eira. "You're okay."

"Look at 'Mom of the Year,'" Tony whispered to Clint.

"I heard that, Stark!" she whispered, unable to hide a smile.

"Natasha, may I?" Loki asked as he outstretched his arms.

"Yeah, please." She handed Eira to her Father and she calmed down.

"You're alright, my little one," Loki whispered.

Natasha rested her head against the pillow, smiling as she watched Loki.

"C'mon, Stark, get us those drinks," said Clint. He could tell by the look of Natasha that she was worn out.

"I didn't even get to hold my niece yet!" Tony whined.

Natasha rolled her eyes at his comment.

"Let's leave the family be," added Steve, grabbing Tony's shoulder.

"Fineee," Tony drawled.

"Congratulations, Ms. Romanoff and Loki," Steve added before he left with the others.

Once again, the couple was all alone with their daughter.

"So. An Avenger?" she asked Loki tiredly.

Loki smiled proudly. "Yes, well, you heard the Director. You and Eira come first." He sat down on the bed's edge. "I promise to make the two of you happy," he vowed. "I love you both dearly." Carefully, he leaned over to kiss Natasha.

"I love you, too," she replied. Natasha had something that she never thought to happen in her life-she had a family. Together with Loki and all of her friends, she was happy. And that happiness was going to be shared with her newborn daughter. Eira was going to give her and Loki a chance to make themselves even better people. Natasha and Loki both knew it to be true. After all, despite everything they had done wrong, their perfect daughter showed them that even people as flawed as themselves could do something right.

The End.

**"I just fell in love for the first time**  
**Watch as I pick myself up off the ground**  
**In the dark, I'm so far from the spotlight**  
**Can you see me now?**

**I turn my back and walk away, away from the pain**  
**Screaming loud, drown it out by the sound of the rain**  
**Listen up, I've had enough of all this waiting**  
**I need you more right now than I ever did"**

**Somewhere in Between ~Hawthorne Heights**

**Thanks again for reading! Until next time! ~crazyotaku13**


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